to admit I find days like today hard

[ilikehomecookedfood]

Wet, miserable Sunday (following on from a wet miserable Saturday) I have not spoken with a soul all weekend I find I reach this point on a Sunday and I feel strange and empty and really, really sad.

I know I'm not being unreasonable - but am I the only one?

[MsVestibule]

I just wish people wouldn't turn it round on me and make out I'm doing something wrong or am lazy because I'm lonely after 48 hours on my own. I honestly don't think people are saying that. We see you're not happy with your weekend situation, and it's human nature to want to help people who are unhappy with an aspect of their lives.

I am just getting a bit tired of the insinuations and implications that it is my fault, when someone in a bad marriage isn't subjected to similar scrutiny. Nobody is insinuating it is your fault, and yes, people in bad marriages on here absolutely are subjected to similar scrutiny! Haven't you been on the Relationships board?

If you're just wanting people to say "there, there, single life can be shit sometimes", that's fine - I know from long experience it can be.

[Fleecyslippers]

Jeepers folks - RTFT!

OP long weekend days are shit! 'gavel'

[Monty27]

Weekends can be lonely for everyone, the elderly, the happily marrieds, the singles, everyone can feel lonely in some way or another, and in a place that they can't leave, whereas you can.

Bit of naval gazing there I think OP.

[Saddayinspring2]

Leave her alone.. She is lonely that's all!
Circumstance makes you lonely, if you don't have kids and partner etc. Easy to forget when you are really busy.

[thepig]

Op sorry but you're being really defensive and not making too much sense, sorry if that sounds mean.

You keep pointing out that you HAVE friends when anyone suggests meeting people, but also that most wkds are spent alone. Ergo this can be solved to some extent by getting out and meeting more people. Or at least don't dismiss the notion.

You don't want a solution but this is MN...you have no choice!

Lastly you're being very upfront about everything but very oblique about relationships. What is the situation here? Your way of talking is quite negative re setting yourself up for disappointment etc. Sorry but most people don't end up in relationships thinking like that.

What comes across most from your posts is not the lonliness...but the negative thought patterns. You're convincing yourself that these thoughts are not negative but are actually realistic, and it's everyone else who just doesn't get this. Sorry but you're likely wrong. You need to work on your self esteem, I won't try and tell you how...sorry to be brutal.

[OrangeMabel]

The pig - your post is probably one of the most unhelpful posts I've ever read on MN. If you don't mean to be brutal then just don't post.

[ActiveTopics]

I think there are different kinds of loneliness, if that's any help OP.

I have two very young DCs but am single mum and experience the same phenomenon of not being able to meet up with other families and married friends at weekends as you do. Generally I find the weekends can be a bit lonely and stressful as the only contact is with my two small children, only one of whom can talk abit. Sometimes if I do meet up with friends, afterwards I feel even more lonely because there's no constant presence of another adult any more...

I used to have a different kind of loneliness before I had the children, which was combined with a definite existential angst of not knowing what I was doing with my life really. Now i have children (as a single parent, never had a partner) I do feel my purpose in life is to care for them.

I am abit of a planner, so if I'm not happy in the present, I spend loads of resources making hypothetical plans for the future...even if they don't come off in the end, it passes the time, generates hope, excitement, etc.! The children are in bed by 8 every night and I never leave them then (so haven't been out after this time since the eldest was born nearly 4 years ago), that can be my lonely time as there's no-one to share stuff with: but I find ways of sharing, emailing news to faraway friends, planning etc. Sometimes feel sad but, like you, don't want a partner.

I always used to have Xmas on my own and do now with the children. I used to go away, mainly to have a holiday booked as so many people would offer I go to theirs and I would find it very uncomfortable if I did! It's totally different now with children.

Given you've posted on Mumsnet, are you thinking of having children, perhaps? It's possible without a partner...

[D0oinMeCleanin]

Get a dog. An unusual colored one will have you talking more than a regular dog.

I got stopped no less than four times in one hour to chat about my latest foster dog and his coloring. Whippy has a playdate with someone's puppy tomorrow as a result of these chats. They need help socialising because they only meet on-lead dogs.

[thepig]

OrangeMabel - Speaking from experience, please do expand if you have a point to make.

[TokenGirl1]

How about googling SPICE? They are a national org with regional groups and I think they do something every day of the year including weekends away at Xmas, Easter etc.

They do dinners, walks, sports, learn a new activity type stuff and weekends away.

It stopped me feeling lonely especially when my siblings were all coupled up and doing family stuff at the weekend. Met some great people too!

[Peenoweeno]

OP, I believe and understand you. No need to explain or justidy, this is just the way it is, sometimes. Period.

[allaflutter]

thepig is right thoough about OP's rigidity of thinking, when everything in her OP and posts says that she'd like a relationship. Then why not try chatting to preople on dating sites - trivisal but would fill dsome time on w/ends and will create a chance of meeting the right person or at least meeting people and honing your radar.

Btw a flatmate can also be a great solution if she is also single - why 'no advantages'?? if you get on, you would feel that relaxed presence in the background/someone to beg out with, not quite like a partner but still - so I can see *pig('s frustration with the thread. Loneliness is hard, yes, and I empathise, but why not try more fluid, hopeful thinking that it might not be for forever, instead of not hoping to avoid disappointment - it's more about openness then hoping as such.

[allaflutter]

veg , not beg - sorry tis very late and pressing double buttons!

[KobayashiMaru]

I'm not sure I'm following here. It reads to me like "I'm alone, its very hard sometimes, I wish I wasn't alone, I'm lonely" Then "I've chosen to be alone, I don't want a relationship, I don't want suggestions for how to be less alone/lonely".
Don't you see some contradiction there?

[Olderkidsaremine]

I've read all the posts to see if they can help me out of my 'loneliness' but had to laugh at the go onto a daring website to find someone - exactly what I have done but somehow this weekend managed to get rid of two prospects for dates - one by calling him on his lies (fair enough don't want to start something based on lies) the other by pressing for a meeting but him saying yes to coffee but didn't want to lead me on so probably wouldn't lead to anything else ( again fair enough, honest at least).

Then went to nephews birthday party everyone coupled up, in laws family and when I said I was going no one got up from their chairs to even say goodbye or see me to the door - now that really shows you, what people think about you!

Now its Monday morning, I've tears running back my cheeks writing this and I will go into work in a little while and be all bright and breezy because its what is expected and I don't want to burden anyone with my crappy feeling and because of what other posters have said on here they will try and fix by suggesting clubs etc. That doesn't get rid of the empty feeling when you are in your own home!

[RedHelenB]

I think the trick is to start liking your own company more.

[Olderkidsaremine]

I agree - but I love my own company, now one calling on your time, can do what you want etc, but is still doesn't rid of the feeling of loneliness and I think red your glib answer is the reason why people generally keep it very quiet!

[chrome100]

I was in your position and what I did was go out and find some single friends who were around evenings and weekends. I joined meetup.com which had a few groups in my area, I went to a socialising one and a walking one - both of which are as cheap as you can make them. I also took up cycling and joined a club as that's pretty cheap once you've got the bike and have met lots of people through that.

[allaflutter]

I still think that OP should try a flatmate at least short-term and see whether it works, as obviously finding a P is much harder than finding a woman you may get on with. She puts an emphasis of feeling lonely at home with no one to relax over a takeaway/have easy chat with, so going to more clubs isn;t really the answer. Sounds like she wants a friendly presence at home, that's all - like her brother used to be.

But being open to finding a P is also important rather then not letting yourself think of that to avoid future disappointment, that makes you 'closed to possibilities'. Bossy advice? maybe, but it may actually help.

Older, nobody's saying dating sites are the immediate way of finding a P, but you are creating opportuntites, and it can be interesting just to browse and chat, and to open your mind a bit even. You don't have to meet them, unless you really feel like it. In RL you'd also meet enough wankers, no big difference with sites. But yes, it's tough to be in limbo, I understand only too well as been single for 1.5 yrs plus - I fill time with intertests that I can do at home, not just outside, but I think it does help to see this as a phase, this does lighten the mood when lonely. Thank God British TV is so good, especially at this time of year it seems - and the winter is over (yay). I also love to just go on day trips to various towns for sightseeing/shopping , just change of scenery and helps to fill the day.

[EldritchCleavage]

Oh my, this brings back memories. OP, your post encapsulates what my life was like for YEARS. I am now married and yes, weekends are a blur of family things, with single friends having to be fitted in here and there. DP's experience was the same (Oh, the loneliness of Saturday night at the laundrette).

I'm not going to try and offer solutions (I never really found one, I just saved up some favourite things or treats for Sunday evenings in particular to try and alleviate the feelings of isolation), I'm just going to hear what you are saying, because it is so familiar to me. Listen to Gloomy Sunday by Billie Holiday-sums it up.

I felt like a bystander in my own life and a spare part in everyone else's, despite having a loving family. And that wasn't only about not being in a relationship-it was partly about me and feeling I was someone who could not take my life in the direction I wanted it to go. I dreamed of being one of those free-spirit types, unapologetically capable of fun one-night stands with hot unsuitable men, or someone like my best friend, who only has to be dropped off at a bus stop for 5 minutes to make 7 new friends, 2 of whom she's going on holiday with at Christmas.

[RedHelenB]

Olderkids - I have had periods on my own in my life & probably will longterm when my kids leave home so I'm not being glib, just practical.

[JessicaBeatriceFletcher]

Red - I'm sure you didn't mean it to be glib but have to say I took it that way too. I'm an only child. I have very little family. I spent a lot of time on my own growing up. I like myself and like my own company. There are times when I am very happy to spend ages on my own, whether it's sat at home reading a book, or going out for a walk. But it doesn't follow that I want to do that all the time and that there are times when I would desperately want some company or companionship rather than spend yet another Sunday on my own because nearly everyone else I know is married or coupled and/or have kids and therefore it's a family day. I completely get where the OP is coming from.

[jacks365]

Op i understand perfectly where you are coming from. Its not weekends so much as school holidays that get to me. It sometimes makes me thoughtful and wishful especially in bad weather unfit to do anything. I'm not looking for a partner but i still get wistful at times. An adult to talk to would be nice. We are all allowed to feel sorry for ourselves at times.

I have a feeling i may be near you, just in east lancs on the outskirts of Manchester. If so i'm more than happy to have you moan at me anytime you want.

[googlyeyes]

I've always hated weekends, since I was a child. Thought I was the only one! There's a certain melancholy about a Sunday afternoon/ evening that I find very hard to shake. Even when DH and I first lived together, and I loved being with him all the time, I still planned non-stop activities and meet ups with friends for us throughout the weekend to avoid that melancholy.

Now I have 3 children and I still can't shake the weekend blues! Sat/ Sun mornings are busy with the kids' activities, but the afternoons I find harder, especially Sundays. To try and head the feelings off, I try my best to plan to be out of the house for at least an hour in the late afternoon...even if it's just popping to a coffee shop either on my own or with one of the kids. If we have plans with friends/ family for a Sun afternoon I'm over the moon, especially if it means we won't get home til late evening, when I can feel the weekend is pretty much over.

I think for me it's lack of routine, lack of things I HAVE to do that I find it so hard to cope with. That, and the feeling that everyone else is having a stream of kodak moments with their family and friends throughout every weekend! I find it a huge relief going to bed on a Sunday night, knowing there are 5 days of busyness and activity until the next weekend.

[valiumredhead]

The point about getting out and joining classes is that you are more likely to meet more people and therefore you widen your social circle and making it more likely to be able to meet up with people at the weekends

It is normal and ok to feel a bit down sometimes but you say that every weekend is like this.

One other thing - are you certain that your friends wouldn't like an invite over for Sunday lunch, or a girlie night on a Fri or Sat? Personally everyone I know is chomping at the bit to get out of 'family life' and would love an excuse to get away for a bit :) x