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What's the most appropriate birthday present for mil from hell

(122 Posts)
plim Mon 11-Feb-13 21:16:47

So nothing new, my mil is a witch. I actually think she is very clever as she manipulates me, dh and her entire family like puppets on strings. Anyway, she hates me, offered me money not to marry dh, called dh two days before wedding begging him not to marry me saying he was making a huge mistake etc, that she was losing a son and then called me and told me a dark cloud has landed over her family and it's me. yada yada. I think it's because they are a family of top Drs and I didn't go to university - she brings that up a lot. I do however run a successful business but I am not what she hoped for. Anyway, on our wedding day she chucked a bottle of red wine over me - classy, she then ruined our wedding day by crying outside and then there was a fight between dh sister (a bridesmaid) and one of our family friends. Awful!

That's a very brief summary of ten years of hell. We agreed not o cut them off after much discussion and let them see the grandkids although she's starting her manipulative ways with the kids ( told my 7 yr old daughter that she shouldn't eat everything on her plate or she will end up like mummy) and tells my 4 yr old son to ask mummy if he can come and stay with her and she will give him lots of sweets etc etc. Anyway, trivialising for a moment - for the last three Xmas she has bought me the most obscure presents. A nailbrush from tk max with a bar of soap, following year a doormat, and this year a hand towel. Now, dh and I now laugh about it but it is a tad upsetting. It's her birthday next week.......what should I buy her?

plim Mon 11-Feb-13 21:31:38

A goat - yes! A goat and a vintage broom.....

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 11-Feb-13 21:33:14

And a nice framed picture of said goat with its new owners.

yaimee Mon 11-Feb-13 21:34:03

I like the broom. Or a massive vibrator, might loosen her up or at least keep her off your back for a bit!

Some vintage sports memorabilia: ie an old bat

Binkyridesagain Mon 11-Feb-13 21:34:22

Weight watchers cereal bars?

plim Mon 11-Feb-13 21:34:57

Gregbishopsbottombitch omg love it, is there such a thing? Googling now....

manicbmc Mon 11-Feb-13 21:35:11

A bottle of red wine stain remover and a pic of your kids wearing t-shirts that say 'Fuck off' and 'Grandma' grin

justmuddlingalong Mon 11-Feb-13 21:36:28

A bag?wink

TheDoctrineOfSciAndNatureClub Mon 11-Feb-13 21:36:40

Charity present. Moral high ground. And at least if she pays you back in kind, someone's benefitting.

ladymariner Mon 11-Feb-13 21:36:40

A photo of you and your dh, arms round each other, looking totally loved up and happy........

LatteLady Mon 11-Feb-13 21:37:37

You need to buy her Sansevieria trifasciata, otherwise known as Mother-in-law's tongue... subtle but pointed... it also known as the snake plant grin

MyDarlingClementine Mon 11-Feb-13 21:39:20

Sorry if its already been mentioned:

A Bottle of Poison Perfume by Dior.

plim Mon 11-Feb-13 21:39:21

Wow these are all so good, a broom, a goat, def an old bat and the picture - love it as she has no pics of me in the house, they're all of dh and the kids!

quoteunquote Mon 11-Feb-13 21:40:07

ticket for a cruise on the Queen Mary 2 or Emerald Princess,

plim Mon 11-Feb-13 21:40:15

And the plant, I know the one

quoteunquote Mon 11-Feb-13 21:40:45

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 11-Feb-13 21:41:58

Quote What a shit present that would be.. grin

plim Mon 11-Feb-13 21:47:20

Flamin eck 2 cruise tickets and a loo roll

Shutupanddrive Mon 11-Feb-13 21:47:35

The biggest pair of granny knickers you can find

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 11-Feb-13 21:49:04

Gay porn video disguised as family moments between DH and kids.

manicbmc Mon 11-Feb-13 21:49:14

Tea towels? Or may be that's what she is getting you for your next present?

AudrinaAdare Mon 11-Feb-13 21:50:51

How about a naice pair of nutcrackers?

And a Waterford crystal jar filled with some sweeties

GregBishopsBottomBitch Mon 11-Feb-13 21:50:56

Today at work, somebody donated a blood pressure machine, get one for her and tell her your emigrating to Oz.

plim Mon 11-Feb-13 21:50:58

A hot water bottle?

GailTheGoldfish Mon 11-Feb-13 21:52:45

Does she ever snoop? If so, glitter bomb.

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