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To report DH for drink driving?

(186 Posts)
Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:08:16

Every week or so, DH goes out with his mates. He drives there. He gets drunk. He drives home.

It sickens me. I have tried talking to him about it but he's just not interested.

He's out tonight, I know where he is, I know he will be drinking. I am at my wits' end.

Should I report him? Would the police be interested? I don't know when he will be driving home so I can't give them an exact time.

Or AIBU? I have tried talking to him about it and that hasn't worked - I feel if I don't report him, I am enabling his criminal and potential deadly behaviour.


Thank you for reading.

Loie159 Wed 16-Jan-13 21:35:48

Well done..... The hard but right choice ... UnMN hugs !

littlewhitebag Wed 16-Jan-13 21:36:08

Well done. This might be the wake up call he needs.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 16-Jan-13 21:36:43

Thank you for doing it. I had a friend of the family (his sister was a mate) when I was young who was killed in a drink driving incident. His family have never recovered. It was more than 20 years ago and his DM stills suffers, his sister is miserable, it hangs over them. There were/are a lovely family, his DM is a wonderful, warm, happy person but it ruined their lives.

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:38:39

Thank you... Not looking forward to the fall out but better that than having to live with myself if anything happened and I did nothing.

How is it that otherwise good people can be such tossers when it comes to alcohol? A whole other thread I guess.

Thanks for the handholding though, much appreciated.

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:39:32

MrsTerry I am so sorry to hear that. I am so sorry people like my DH don't take note

RandallPinkFloyd Wed 16-Jan-13 21:40:06

Good for you op. You did exactly the right thing.

No, I wasn't saying it to be nasty, I said it because I know that the reality of a situation feels very different when you're in the middle of it. Plus in honestly I did want to know if you'd been turning a blind eye which you obviously haven't.

When he gets caught it will be horrible, and I have every sympathy with that of course I do, but the important thing is that now you can sleep soundly at night.

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:40:51

Thanks randall

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 16-Jan-13 21:45:13

I think some people think that it won't happen to them. The longer he has been doing it the more of a false sense of security he will have. BTW, does he have a drinking problem? My experience is that the two (driving and problem) frequently go hand in hand.

AngryTrees Wed 16-Jan-13 21:49:39

You did the right thing. When I was 17 I very stupidly got into a car with a friend who was drunk. I was old enough to know better and I did it anyway. Half way back the guy reached over to fiddle with the radio and the car lurched to the left and almost hit the pavement where people were walking. Someone made him pull over and we walked the rest of the way home.

I say this because he was convinced he could still drive just fine when drunk, and I'm sure your husband believes that to, but nevertheless my friend was seconds away from hurting or killing someone. It can happen so easily. All I can remember thinking afterwards was that we would all have been responsible if something had happened because we had all gone along with it. The same awful guilt would be yours if your husband hit someone on the way back home, along with the agony of those affected.

Sorry this is so long. But when you realise that there is something you could have done you would do anything to change things.

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:50:12

I hadn't thought he had a drinking a problem tbh but now I can't see how he can get drunk and drive and not have a problem

I can't see how he could expect to be fine with drink driving otherwise - it just doesn't make sense

He isn't what I'd call a typical alcoholic but I guess drinking problems come in many guises

AnyFucker Wed 16-Jan-13 21:51:46

Well done, OP

Will you tell him you reported him ?

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:51:48

angrytrees that is chilling. Thank you, what a stark reminder of what could happen

I feel sick just thinking about it

Part of the problem is that he is an excellent driver which I think gives him false confidence

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:52:29

AnyFucker I don't know ... I need to have a think about that.

Probably ...

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 16-Jan-13 21:55:37

One could argue that he is not an excellent driver if he doesn't understand reaction times and obey the rules of the road. You know, one could, I wouldn't.

To answer if he has an alcohol problem... He drinks. Does it cause him serious problems? With life, relationships, work, friends, family. Does he continue to drink? Yes? He has a drinking problem.

OrangeLily Wed 16-Jan-13 21:55:50

Well done OP! Too many awful mistakes could made here. You may have saved your DH life. You should be proud of yourself smile

AnyFucker Wed 16-Jan-13 21:57:05

No, he isn't an excellent driver if he drives pissed.

MurderOfGoths Wed 16-Jan-13 21:57:36

Well done OP. Hopefully he learns his lesson.

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:57:40

MrsTerry good way of looking at it!

OrangeLily thank you, I hadn't thought of it like that!

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 21:58:33

Thanks Goths I just know nothing will change if it is down to him

Mycatrocks Wed 16-Jan-13 22:00:36

Oh and yes, I realise what a dufus I sounded with my comment about him being an excellent driver! When he's sober, he drives well... Deciding to drive when drunk obviously makes him a shit driver...

Virgil Wed 16-Jan-13 22:02:52

Curious as to whether you are going to tell him you reported him?

Personally I would not have reported my DH (although he doesn't really drink) I would have laid down an ultimatum and told him that it was unacceptable and that if he didn't agree never to do it again then it would lead to serious problems in our relationship.

I can't see how this course of action won't damage your relationship (with you ending up as the bad guy)

Hope it all goes well though. Clearly he shouldn't be doing what he is doing.

HollyBerryBush Wed 16-Jan-13 22:03:16

Crimestoppers is really for historical crimes where you have info.

TBH if you have the courage of your convictions you should be able to man up and tell your partner you dobbed them in. But you won't, knowing he will lose his job and probably your relationship will end if he finds out you have made him financially reliant upon you.

I'm not disagreeing with your course of action - I just think you should have the balls to own up it was you.

minibmw2010 Wed 16-Jan-13 22:03:34

Hope you're ok whatever the outcome. sad

cinnamonnut Wed 16-Jan-13 22:04:25

Well done - I think drink driving is a sickening, selfish thing sad

McNewPants2013 Wed 16-Jan-13 22:05:13

Well done OP.

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