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10 week old being taken to Scotland for 3days

(117 Posts)
DillyDallyDayDream Tue 11-Dec-12 22:10:40

Posting for a friend

Her MIL (they have a shit relationship) is demanding she takes my friends 10 week old away to Scotland for 3days. She's saying no as the distance is quite big (would travel from South east England).

Who's being unreasonable my friend or her mil?

choccychomp Fri 14-Dec-12 16:11:29

The mil can take photos, send e-mails, use skype (disclaimer - I don't know how this works) she does not need to take the baby. At around 10 weeks I developed post natal depression so there's no way of knowing how mum/baby will feel in a few weeks' time!! Sorry to sound melodramatic but I would have felt like my baby had been kidnapped if someone had taken him/her for more than a couple of hours.

Also -will it really be just 3 days? Does that include travelling time, or will that be even more? What if it snows and flights get cancelled?

Well done for supporting your friend.

CabbageLeaves Fri 14-Dec-12 15:56:58

Excellent point made Flow

YouOldTinsellySlag Fri 14-Dec-12 14:38:34

Good advice flow

flow4 Fri 14-Dec-12 13:47:13

Just to emphasise that the baby has a right to see her father, not vice versa... 'Little and often' is generally considered best. A reasonable arrangement would be 1-2 hours 3 or 4 times a week. And a non-resident father of a 10 week old baby would reasonably be expected to come to the baby, not to take it away somewhere. Parental responsibility does not have any bearing on this situation: whatever the father's legal status, contact must always be in the interests of the child, not at the convenience or request of the parent. hmm Taking a baby away from its mother to stay for 3 nights with a non-resident relatively unknown parents is NOT in the baby's interests. Seeing a solicitor is a good idea, because they can help make this very clear to the ExP and the exMiL.

Mytimewillcome Fri 14-Dec-12 09:27:31

Also say to your friend that if she allows this it won't just stop there. Once the MIL is allowed to do this she will think that she can take the baby whenever she wants.

pigletmania Fri 14-Dec-12 09:24:21

Omg your MIL is toxic and nasty. Yes go to a solicitor and call te police if she turns up, if she tries to snatch your baby tats abduction.

Mytimewillcome Fri 14-Dec-12 09:09:27

She's a social worker?! Sounds like a crap one! I wonder what her colleagues would think if they heard what she wanted to do.

Tailtwister Fri 14-Dec-12 08:56:05

10 weeks is far to young for a baby to be away from it's mother (unless it's unavoidable of course). The MIL needs to back off and your friend is right to refuse.

Mytimewillcome Fri 14-Dec-12 08:54:01

Sorry just read that they had split up. So as your friend isn't going to be around she decides to make decisions about the baby. I hope her MIL and her son/husband (because that's what he is) will be very happy together and leave the mothering to the mother!

Mytimewillcome Fri 14-Dec-12 08:50:51

Is it something to do with the time of the year or something? This is the 3rd thread I've seen about a bonkers MIL demanding to take away a small baby from their mother. It is absolutely outrageous. If her DH can't support her then your friend needs to come back to her with such force that it will leave her MIL knowing exactly what her place is. Your friend is not being unreasonable her MIL is. God it makes me fume!

YouOldTinsellySlag Fri 14-Dec-12 08:12:28

I think if she is thinking the child will never have overnights with her father she is being unrealistic. You have a child with a man you share parenting. I agree as a father he has equal rights, although she has said he is more interested in going out with his friends than seeing the baby.

However, she could certainly say no to overnights during the first year and I am sure that will b accepted by a court.

fuckwittery Thu 13-Dec-12 23:00:57

the pressure of wanting to take the baby to scotland is a very good reason not to allow overnights at the moment

fuckwittery Thu 13-Dec-12 22:59:53

BOTH parents (assuming Dad is named on the birth certificate and has parental responsibility) have to consent to a child being removed from the jurisdiction of England and Wales. It is a criminal offence of child abduction otherwise. I am just a bit worried that Dad will have contact or somehow contrive to allow MIL to take the child to Scotland. If so, and they manage to get the child away from her then your friend should call the police. Doesn't matter if the child is with its Dad, if there is a threat of removal from the country the police should assist.

2rebecca Thu 13-Dec-12 22:42:14

One good thing about breast feeding is that it avoids crap like this with young babies.
If she is no longer with her ex then she could have very little to do with his mother, if they were never married then she doesn't really have a relationship with this woman. Her child will have a relationship with her as she gets older but the more this woman demands the less she is likely to see of the baby. She needs to get her son asking for access and sort out seeing her through him not getting aggressive with the child's mother.
I think if she is thinking the child will never have overnights with her father she is being unrealistic. You have a child with a man you share parenting.

peaceandlovebunny Thu 13-Dec-12 22:30:45

that's the word. use it.

izzyizin Thu 13-Dec-12 22:15:08

Sounds as if your friend may need to apply for a residence order.

In the meantime she can tell the exMIL to do one as grandparents have no legal right to contact/overnight stays etc, and tell her ex to man up and start putting the needs of his dd before those of his dm.

YouOldTinsellySlag Thu 13-Dec-12 22:15:01

That's good OP, a sensible action by your friend.

DillyDallyDayDream Thu 13-Dec-12 22:02:13

My friend is trying to see a solicitor to get something drawn up stating that the baby can not be taken out of the county we live in by them & no overnights with them

izzyizin Thu 13-Dec-12 21:55:59

she's a social worker so it will all be ok

Ye gods. Another professional who is not fit to practice needs vocational guidance.

ChasedByBees Thu 13-Dec-12 21:38:43

No no no no no. DD is 10mo and I haven't had a night away from her. There's no way I'm ready to let anyone babysit overnight.

YouOldTinsellySlag Thu 13-Dec-12 21:38:41

Maybe your friend should have a legal document drawn up OP, just to ensure that the baby has no overnight stays with MIL or is taken on a plane etc.

If the exDP can't be bothered much, she might be in a stronger position to assert her rights as the Resident Parent.

YouOldTinsellySlag Thu 13-Dec-12 21:36:50

No need for the Dad to have any overnight contact at 10 weeks- even a judge would be understanding of that.

What is it with these strange MILs who want to treat GCs as their own baby and upset their DILs? There seem to be a lot of threads about this lately.

What worries me the most is that the DPs/DHs aren't putting their foot down and saying "it's a NO and you're upsetting my wife/partner by asking"

Obviously in the case of OP's friend, they split up over it and I am pretty sure my reaction would have been the same had DH sided with his mother over anything similar.

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Thu 13-Dec-12 21:30:34

Good for your friend! Now stay strong. x

DillyDallyDayDream Thu 13-Dec-12 21:20:52

The baby's dad doesn't have any regular contact with bAby, he would rather see his mates - that's another thread! Never had baby over night

Friend has read this thread, resulted in her telling mil to piss off, etc etc

CatPussRoastingOnAnOpenFire Wed 12-Dec-12 23:14:12

Photo ID for travel to Scotland.
Anyway...NO. End of! MIL needs to do one!

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