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To think that the bullying culture on MN can be a bit much....

(1000 Posts)
tjah04 Thu 04-Oct-12 08:50:11

Having been a member of MN since 2003 I have seen and read some disgusting comments from other members particuarly on this board.

I am starting to think that some of these people must be very sad and insecure.

Some of the names that are called are disgusting and I am sure that these people would never go up to someone in RL and call them that.

And do not get me started on the "I am better than you because I can spell" attitude which seems to be the final insult if all else fails.

Other comments include

"troll" "Oh not another thread" etc.

It is cyber bullying at the end of the day and as mothers shouldn't we all just grow up a bit? The MN team do a great job of deleting such posts but often the OP has seen it and the damage is already done.

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 09:36:45

Where are the examples of actual bullying though? I mean those incidents that are not simply a handful of posters having the same opinion that another poster is being a bit of a dick.

Because I'm sure if someone was really being treated harshly then other posters would jump on the ones doing the harm.

And why not OP, if you genuinely thing someone is getting a hard time, why not challenge that yourself on the thread at the time? Or do you do this - we can't see if you do because you've namechanged to post this thread.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:37:16

Which is MUCH more like 'do what I say' than what the OP was doing.

It's like you're putting your fingers in your ears, ignoring her, refusing to engage - but all the while you're on someone's thread, and it's not very polite.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 04-Oct-12 09:37:37

ed - if the OP feels mocked, I'm sorry she does.

What is anyone meant to say, though?

'I'm so sorry you feel bullied, though I don't know why, and starting a thread about a thread is a nasty, passive-aggressive way to make everyone feel a bit more shite. Btw, there's a report button, which you can use.'

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:38:12

Well that would be better, LRD.

WorraLiberty Thu 04-Oct-12 09:38:26

What Hecate said.

But to add to that, sometimes when a group of posters who are very friendly with each other all end up on the same thread, the thread will often be taken over with 'in jokes' and << People posting like this>>

It's not bullying but it is annoying for the OP when their thread gets derailed.

Unless it's a deliberately inflammatory thread that clearly takes the piss, people should probably start another thread if they want to chat and have a laugh with their mates.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:38:46

Ok I'll engage directly.

Op, you are talking bollocks and are completely wrong.


LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 04-Oct-12 09:39:08



Surely it's better to send the same message - look, you're asking a daft question, it's all a bit silly - in a nice way rather than a nasty one?

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:39:25

Much better.

It really is. It's not that sort of game playing thing iyswim.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:39:35

<pms everyone like mad for a bit of concerted cyber bullying before elevenses>

SuePurblybilt Thu 04-Oct-12 09:39:36

There's room for silly, you know. And funny. Many, many threads - particularly on Aibu - simply cry out for their pomposity to be punctured or to be ribbed.
Nobody does it in relationships or health for a reason - that would be wrong.

Jezzy Chrizzy, we'll all be head-tilting Po posting lolcatz and youknowyourbubshun at this rate.

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 04-Oct-12 09:40:03

This is a deliberately inflammatory thread though, isn't it?

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:40:39

But LRD it isn't 'nice' at all, it's gamey and it's clearly hostile (well I might be slow, but I think it is)

that's the only reason I don't find it comfortable.

If you say bollocks at least it's, like you say, direct. And a few people already here have disagreed with the OP and said so without even saying bollocks.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:40:46

Yes but Ed, YOU might prefer a nice straightforward grim grange kind of engagement all serious and po - but a lot of us don't.

As much as you see me as silly and rude, I see you as dull and uninspiring.

Who trumps whom?

Helpyourself Thu 04-Oct-12 09:40:50

There's a difference between bullying and robustness.

Posting on Mumnset is elective. It's not compulsary and easily avoidable. Bullying is what goes on at school, in the workplace at the bus stop, in real life.

There's very little pulling up on grammar, and when it's done, it's unkind, says more about the poster who does it, but that's not bullying either.

If someone posts for advice, doesn't like the advice given and then moans that they're being picked on, well that's not bullying either.

OP if you'd said 'I don't like the confrontational, oppositionalist tone on MN...' I'd agree with you- I sometimes find it really upsetting, usually when I'm tired, or I'm very invested in the topic, but I don't have to post, or read, and there are other fora.

There are also PMs. If I feel a poster is getting a thrashing, or even if I've said something and it's come out stronger than I predicted, you can always PM to say blimey, that's a bunfight- why don't you repost in..., or sorry, that was harsh of me.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:41:03


LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 04-Oct-12 09:41:53

Ed - well, perhaps we shall have to agree to disagree. You prefer one approach; lots of us prefer the other.

I have noticed that generally, people who can accept when they've been rude/silly do get on better in life than people who refuse to accept it.

The OP is being rude. Not getting into a 'serious debate' with her is a relatively gentle way of showing her that.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:42:03

Yeah this sort of response is great when the thread deserves it.

But it has to be quite far out for me to think that.

If there is any possibility that an OP wants or deserves a genuine response (like here, I think - no, I don't think it's deliberately inflammatory though I could be wrong) then it should be given.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:42:14

Sorry Ed, I don't mean you personally are dull and uninspiring, I am sure you are delightful, I meant the style of posting you recommend.

BigStickBIWI Thu 04-Oct-12 09:42:49

I think this is a bit of a goading OP, actually. Especially as it would appear that it is someone who has namechanged to start it hmm

And I see nothing wrong with having a laugh on a thread - with posters who may be people I know, or with people who are complete strangers to me.

It would be an incredibly po-faced place if it wasn't like this.

Oh, wait ...

LRDtheFeministDragon Thu 04-Oct-12 09:43:14

Mmm. Maybe ed.

I think this thread is deliberately trying to get a nasty response.

porcamiseria Thu 04-Oct-12 09:43:26

there is 100000% a bit of a pack mentalty

if someone (even if they are an arse) posts something that goes against the MN grain, they get pasted. and you do see people that clearly think "aha, 8 people have pasted them, so its OK for me to aswell"

but c'est la vie!

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:43:43

Thing is though Hulls/LRD - what works best?

Your response = OP gets huffy, buggers off thinking they were right all along and we're a bunch of cunts.

My response (and a lot of others') = OP feels heard, might engage, might even be convinced they are wrong.

No one trumps anyone - it's not about that.

OhChristFENTON Thu 04-Oct-12 09:44:00

Again, I have only ever seen jokey derailing either in support of the OP because she/he has been attacked by a bunch of twats, or when the OP herself is a bit of a twat and has started a goady or bigoted thread.

EdMcDunnough Thu 04-Oct-12 09:44:22

You might be right LRD.

Hulls no I am REALLY dull.

Hullygully Thu 04-Oct-12 09:44:55

Ed, the op is deliberately inflammatory and goading.

It's getting what it deserves. Quid pro quo.

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