More of a WWYD - Neighbour to friendly with Children

[FadingAwayToAHippo]

ok, just some advice on how to tackle the situation.

We have lived at our current house for 6 years, and we have 2 dds, 3yo (almost 4) and 2yo.

We live in a fairly quiet street with lovely neighbours, the neighbours on one side are fairly nosey but generally ok. The problem is their 28 year old daughter.

For as long as I can remember she has came out her house everytime we pull up or leave the house to say hi to the girls and asks for kisses and cuddles. this was fine as I could usher them fairly quickly in and out the car. then we started letting the kids play in the back garden whilst i cooked dinner, you cant access our garden except from the back door and their is a 6ft fence on two side but only a hedge between us and this neighbour. I used to watch them from the window so one day i watched this girl lift DD over into her garden.

I went out and told her off and also told DD off and said she was to never leave the garden without coming to ask me first.

Now there is a new wee girl, 6yo who lives round the corner and she likes to come and chap for the girls so I allow them to play in the front garden and I watch them from the front step. I actually dont mind it as I get a chance for a cuppa in peace whilst watching them play happily, rather than the usual refereeing sibling quarrels.

Our neighbour has now started to come out and hang over our fence the whole time the kids are playing. and asking for kisses and cuddles and then DD1 will say "xx come and play in our garden" which she does and spend the whole time lifting DD1. DD1 lets her do this as I am now constantly refusing to lift her on the basis she is a big girl and can walk. So I have to say loudly "DD1 get down you are too big to be lifted"

Our front garden has a 3 ft fence all round but no gate. so I am trying to teach the girls that they can't leave the garden, as its on a road, for people parking etc. My SIL lives two doors up and they have, on occasion, seen her parking and ran out. One day last week when this happened and neighbour was at the gate I shouted at the DDs and told them off, about the danger of roads and not leaving the garden without permission etc. The very next day again when SIL showed up neighbour actually lifted DD2 and started walking along the street with her. So again I shouted "DD2 I have told you not to leave the garden without asking, I know neighbour is an adult but you did not ask permission" Neighbour says "but she was just going to see auntie X" I said yes but you were here yesterday when I asked them not to leave the garden wiothout asking, if they dont do it everytime they will think they can leave when auntie x isnt there and then what?

Sorry this is really long!!

So yesterday again, the same thing happens and neighbour lifts DD1 over the fence so I just brought the girls in and said dinner was ready.

I said to DP what shall we do, he has before said just ignore it (he's very laid back) but yesterday he said I think you need to speak to her mum???? She's 28 for god sakes.

So (and well done for getting this far) WWYD? anything?

What I want to say is "Neighbour, please leave them alone to play and stop asking my kids for kisses"

[Sparklingbrook]

That sounds very strange. If you said she was 12 or something i would be ok IYKWIM, plus you could have a word with the parents.

[sugarice]

Does the neighbour have special needs?

[Petsinmypudenda]

I think you need to talk to her parents.

[Sparklingbrook]

I did wonder that sugar.

[financialwizard]

I think I would definately be having words with the 28 year old daughter, not her mother. I have no idea what I would say though apart from 'stay away from my children'. If you are not, and never have been, friends with this woman it seems odd that she is so overly familiar with your children.

[financialwizard]

That crossed my mind too sugar

[Kladdkaka]

Do you tell this woman not to take your children out of your garden? It sounds like you're telling your children off for being taken

[Sparklingbrook]

But I think Fading was hoping mad neighbour would get the hint about not doing it if she told the children.

I am a bit baffled as to why the neighbour would do this and it would bother me.

[Merrin]

You are the parent, you make the rules. Make them clearer. You dont need to justify them.

Also agree with talking to the parents of the 28 year old.

[ReportMeNow]

That's odd behaviour. What's her reaction when you've spoken to her? You are going to have to be much plainer with her.

[Merrin]

and get a tall fence out the back!

[ReportMeNow]

If she lives with her parents, is home in the day when your dcs are and is completely missing the inappropriateness of this, then yes you may have to speak to her parents. Maybe they can shed light on this for you.

[WhatEverItIsIDidntDoIt]

I'd firmly tell her not to come near my children and to stop taking them out of the garden or you'll call the police for abducting your children.

Completely over the top and very dramatic but she will definitely get the picture, she obviously isn't getting the subtle approach.

[financialwizard]

If she is SN I agree with talking to the parents, if she is not I would still talk to her.

[fruitysummer]

It's odd and I'd be concerned.

But like Sugar said, I did wonder as I read through your OP if she had special needs especially considering she is there all the time. Most 28 year olds work if they have no kids of their own.

You need to speak to her.

I love kids and always say hi and wave to the neighbours but no way would I overstep and do the things you've described.

[FluffyJawsOfDoom]

Call the police next time she lifts one from your garden and carries her off down the street?

[fluffyraggies]

I'd have a word with her OP.

I'd be very cowardly about it too, as i hate confrontation, but you need to rise to the occasion as you are the parent. (that's what i tell myself when i need a bit of ... umph)

Be there when it happens again and take your chance to say something nice like 'I know the kids are cuddly but please let them just get on with playing - i'm trying to teach them to be good without being watched all the time ' maybe?

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

You need to tell her plainly I think.

"please do not lift DD's out of the garden without MY permission"

If that doesnt work then ask her parents to have a word with her.

I think it's quite nice that she likes them so much and gives them attention, many childless 28 year old women would just ignore young children.

[fluffyraggies]

{grin}

[sugarice]

If this situation involved a 28 year old man you'd be dealing with it immediately.

[OTheHugeManatee]

It sounds as though step 1 is to speak to the adult daughter who's doing all this. It doesn't sound as though you've done that yet, or have you? If you have and she's still doing it then that's definitely odd.

[sesameflower]

Can't you make friends with neighbour and try and suss her out whilst pointing out the boundaries. She sounds slightly odd but potentially just innocently over friendly. At 28 she sounds old enough for her own so maybe the natural urge to practice is on. Doesn't necessarily sound sinister

[Nagoo]

I don't think it's sinister but it's a PITA!

Tell her very directly she is not to pick up your children or remove them from the garden. No reasons, just she is not to do it.

Then speak to her parents.