How much time off if a parent dies?

(114 Posts)
ScottishStottie Mon 11-Jan-21 14:55:47

Just wondering whats normal in terms of time off when a parent dies?

Dps mum died suddenly last week (non covid related) and we are all still in shock. Dp in particular is still pretty traumatised, it was him that found her, had to do cpr while waiting for ambulance etc. All very difficult.

Work is putting a bit of pressure to come back. (We both work for the same place) and they seemed surprised that dp wouldnt be back till at least after the funeral (in 2 weeks time) policy states 3 days for close family, 2 days for not so close, so he gets 3, i get 2.

Is this really all the time off people have in these situations?? Dp is in no fit state to go back, but is now worried that hes wanting more than he should have.

Im going back this week, to take some pressure off rather than both of us off, but even then im not happy about it, dont want to be leaving dp in on his own atm.

Never dealt with this before so no idea what is normal or what to expect to be allowed.

OP’s posts: |
chipsandpeas Mon 11-Jan-21 14:57:10

go to the GP and get signed off
thats what most people do

CRbear Mon 11-Jan-21 14:57:28

We’d be allowed a few weeks but it would be annual leave or unpaid leave. Sorry for your loss!

RandomMess Mon 11-Jan-21 14:58:33

He gets signed off by the GP


LemonBreeland Mon 11-Jan-21 14:59:28

3 days is standard for bereavement leave, but obviously most people are not ready to return to work so soon after the death of a close family member. I agree with the previous poster about getting signed off by the GP.

dun1urkin Mon 11-Jan-21 14:59:54

Sorry for your loss.
Some policies are more generous than your workplace, some aren’t
Most people go to their GP and get signed off sick if they are not fit to work following a bereavement if they find their particular policy doesn’t give them the time they need.

Aurorie11 Mon 11-Jan-21 15:00:13

I think it depends. When my mum died I had 2 days off to sort arrangements and start finance updates and then a day off for the funeral. However, your husband's experience sounds horrific and I think getting signed off with stress or ptsd is the way to go


MalbecIsMyOne Mon 11-Jan-21 15:00:15

As above, ask GP to sign him off. Also ask if they can signpost to grief counselling, he will probably need to talk to someone about what he’s going through.

3 days off for a parents death is awful, never mind when theres a trauma involved.

saraclara Mon 11-Jan-21 15:01:28

Yep. He needs to see the GP. It's absolutely normal to be signed off, and all has the more so given how traumatic it was for him.

Gazelda Mon 11-Jan-21 15:01:58

In my experience, this is a common compassionate leave level.
However, I've seen colleagues be offered more than that by management. Other people have taken extra days as sick leave, others have been signed off.
A lot depends on the employee's relationship with management.

And I've also seen colleagues return to work the day after their parent's death.

Also, funerals can sometimes take many weeks to organise. Particularly this time of year as well as during the covid restrictions. So management would be unlikely to have a blanket policy of compassionate leave until after the funeral.

How many days have you both taken so far?

I think it's a good idea for you to go in, if you feel able. To be blunt, it is not your blood relative and I don't think you can expect leave to support your bereaved DP.

OnlyFoolsnMothers Mon 11-Jan-21 15:03:22

I had 1 wk when my dad died when I was 20.
Had to take annual leave for my grandma as not immediate family.

unmarkedbythat Mon 11-Jan-21 15:09:48

We get 5 days compassionate leave, but are supported to request signing off by the GP if mentally/ emotionally unable to work- which many people will be following a significant bereavement.

Your poor dp, I am so very sorry to hear what he went through. What an awful way to lose her.


theemmadilemma Mon 11-Jan-21 15:10:14

I'm sorry for your loss. Our company is at the Managers discretion how long. For a parent I'd expect a few weeks to a month.

Whoateallthestuffingballs Mon 11-Jan-21 15:10:30

I was signed off by the GP for three weeks (and it was a couple of months before I was much use at work). Otherwise I would have had two days.

CormoranStrike Mon 11-Jan-21 15:12:26

Three days in my firm. I believe that’s the norm

CormoranStrike Mon 11-Jan-21 15:14:17

When my dad died it was on the first day of a week’s annual leave, and the funeral was over by the time the week was up, so I didn’t actually get/need to use my three days.

mrstea301 Mon 11-Jan-21 15:15:19

I worked at a different company when my father in law died a few years ago (almost father in law, my husband and I weren't married at the time), I was given a week off, although had to have a conversation about how close we actually were (which was driven by HR rather than my manager, he was mortified) and ended up basically saying, take the time that you need and we'll work it out. My husband is an only child and his parents had split up years earlier, and it was a very sudden death.

It's my step-father in laws funeral tomorrow and I've had to take annual leave to attend the funeral, so not even a day of compassionate leave. My husband was allowed five days.

I don't think it's very nice but bereavement leave is never really long enough to be fair, they can't account for all the different relationships etc - like I've had friends whose Grans were more like their mums etc.

Sorry for your loss , the GP should be able to sign horn husband off for a more appropriate time

harknesswitch Mon 11-Jan-21 15:17:23

I had a week off but Mum had been ill for quite some time so there wasn't much to do and Dad wanted to take control of all admin.

jojogoesbust Mon 11-Jan-21 15:18:00

Normal policy is 3 days compassionate. The rest you would have to get a sick note or take leave

defnotadomesticgoddess Mon 11-Jan-21 15:18:30

Sorry for your loss 💐No idea what our company policy is but I asked for a week off and then worked until the funeral day which was 3 weeks later. TBH my head was all over the place and I could just about work part time but I wasn’t sleeping properly for weeks afterwards. If he’s not ready to go back I would do as others have said & ask gp to sign off. Can he do reduced hours when he’s ready to? I would also recommend Cruse bereavement care for support x

calamariandchilledwine Mon 11-Jan-21 15:18:39

I got 3 days compassionate leave by law but they let me use my holiday to take another week off. When I came back I realised it was still too soon (hadn't had funeral yet, was traumatised from watching it happen) and so I went to my doctor and was signed off. I'd try and get your DP to see his GP for sick leave, medication, counselling references etc.

I'm sorry for your loss flowers

NoSquirrels Mon 11-Jan-21 15:19:34

I don't think your company is unusual in only offering 3 days bereavement leave. I think most companies do try to be understanding and give more time if they can, but I would think more than a week would really be very unusual. Your DH does need to go to the GP to get signed off if he needs more time.

You won't be eligible for any more time and I'm afraid I think that most employers would think it unreasonable for you to stay at home to support him. Can you work from home at all?

Scarby9 Mon 11-Jan-21 15:19:44

3 days for the bereavement of a close relative.
But the reaction to that bereavement ( and he additional trauma in your husband's case of finding her etc) often results in a doctor's visit and being signed off for longer.

Superstardjs Mon 11-Jan-21 15:20:33

How much time is needed depends very much on the individual. My mother died on a Friday and I was back in work on the Monday; I had a day for her funeral. It would have done me no favours to be at home, busy was better.
I'm sorry for your loss.

Hotcuppatea Mon 11-Jan-21 15:21:10

I had two week's paid bereavement leave and took a weeks A/L on top.

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