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Is this an ok thing for Dad to say to his daughter?

(126 Posts)
SomeoneElsesOpinion Thu 11-Oct-18 20:39:02

Teenage daughter being stroppy and rude the other evening and absolutely needed pulling up on it but DH said to her “you carry on like that and one day someone will punch you in the face”.

This upset me because, as I see it, there are MANY reasons that DD should not be behaving like that but threat of being punched in the face isn’t one of them. When I tackled DH he defended it as he didn’t threaten her and that “there is a big difference between saying you’ll hit someone in the face and warning them they will piss off the wrong person one day”.

He does lose his temper and get angry so I left it until the next day and he was calm and asked him to apologise to her for what he said. But he won’t and he still stands by it was ok to say it to warn her.

I’d really appreciate hearing thoughts on whether I’m overreacting and it’s fine or not.

SpottingTheZebras Thu 11-Oct-18 20:40:43

I don’t think that is acceptable to say to anyone, especially your own daughter or any child.

tectonicplates Thu 11-Oct-18 20:42:02

No, that's not okay.

Fuzzywig Thu 11-Oct-18 20:42:14

That is threatening. I would fear that he meant that one day he would hit out at her. Especially if he was shouting/aggressive when he said it. I would be shocked if I heard someone say this to a child.

Scatteredthoughtss Thu 11-Oct-18 20:42:15

Was he not just saying that many people would find her behaviour annoying and some might react? Was that the only thing he said about her behaviour?

FantastikRik Thu 11-Oct-18 20:42:59

I don’t think it’s an acceptable way to speak to anyone and would be horrified if DH said this to our teenage DD.

FunSponges Thu 11-Oct-18 20:46:07

That is not ok. He's basically telling her that it will be ok for someone to punch her in the face one day because she is annoying. What a poor message.

Jackshouse Thu 11-Oct-18 20:47:46

Definitely not OK.

Jaxtellerswife Thu 11-Oct-18 20:54:12

Ill go against the grain. I was an annoying teen and I think parents can be driven to the point of saying all sorts.
He didn't say 'I will'. It's not a threat it's a 'shut up for gods sake leave me alone'

MrsKiplin Thu 11-Oct-18 20:57:28

No it's not good but it sounds like he was being pushed to his limits. Children can be very hard to deal with sometimes and we're all human.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 11-Oct-18 20:59:56

I don’t see why he should apologise for that opinion.

Brenna12 Thu 11-Oct-18 21:01:56

If her own parents cant pull her up on her bratty behaviour then who can? My mother always warned me about things that could get me slapped or in trouble, like flirting with a boy who has a gf etc. You know ur husband and you know if he actually meant to threaten ur daughter or just give her some worldly advice, just worded badly.

London91 Thu 11-Oct-18 21:05:37

I wouldn't see this as a threat. Growing up my mum said far worse to me in the heat of the moment. I personally don't see an issue with what your partner said. If he said 'if you carry on like that you'll get a punch in the face' I would say that was unacceptable.

TheGirlWhoLived Thu 11-Oct-18 21:06:12

Yeah I don’t agree that it is a problem.... it is a fact- dd can be attention seeking and melodramatic so I will sometimes tell her “if you do that with your friends, they will not want to play with you”

I’m not willing her friends not to play with her, I’m not enabling her to be a stroppy mare, I’m happily telling her the way life is because I’m an adult and I’ve seen the consequences- maybe your dh is doing the same!

StoorieHoose Thu 11-Oct-18 21:07:34

I see it as him telling her the consequences of her actions. She won’t get punched in the face by someone who loves her and willing to put up with any nonsense but not everyone will put up with her shite

Fontofnoknowledge Thu 11-Oct-18 21:08:49

Was he not just trying to warn her that her behaviour may get her an unpleasant reaction one day.

He didn't say ' I will punch you in the face' he said 'carry in like that and one day someone will punch you in the face'

I would interpret that as 'whilst we are tolerant of your shitty behaviour and DO NOT punch you in the face- there are plenty who will.
I actually think he was warning her that others won't put up with her shit in silence.
He wasn't condoning the use of violence, he wasn't violent himself. Simply stating a fact.

Nothing to apologise for.

moredoll Thu 11-Oct-18 21:09:07

So he speaks like that to his daughter and then wonders why she's rude?

What an idiot.

epicclusterfuck Thu 11-Oct-18 21:12:06

No it's not OK. He is saying she would be responsible for someone else being violent.

ThroughThickAndThin01 Thu 11-Oct-18 21:18:22

He is pointing out to her what could be the consequences of her actions. Sensible parenting.

LucilleBluth Thu 11-Oct-18 21:22:41

Jesus, it's not that bad. I have said similar to my mouthy 16yo. Do all the people replying have teens?

buttontin Thu 11-Oct-18 21:25:37

Did he mean he’d hit her himself? If not, who did he mean?

TheSageofOnions Thu 11-Oct-18 21:28:02

I see nothing wrong with it.

SomeoneElsesOpinion Thu 11-Oct-18 21:29:34

A real mixed bag of opinion. That’s enough for me to let it drop. Clearly it’s one of those things that divides more than just me and DH. I will admit I am surprised as part of me expected unanimous view in line with mine, but I now accept that it’s not altogether a totally inappropriate comment in many people’s view. thank you for all the comments. Really appreciate it.

PumpkinKitty82 Thu 11-Oct-18 21:30:10

I’ve said this to my son when he was about 15 and in his shitty, rude teenage strip years as I genuinely believed that due to his attitude he would one day piss off the wrong person .
It wasn’t a threat as I wasn’t saying I’d ever do that (although when he was at the worst of it I have felt like it!) .
He’s now 18 and he’s learnt that his behaviour back then could’ve got him into trouble and actually did I’m year 9...
I wouldn’t be telling my husband to apologise , in a round about way he’s trying to warn her !

Anasnake Thu 11-Oct-18 21:30:11

Nothing wrong at all.

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