Did anyone do a Janet and Roy this year?

[BluePlasticBuddha]

I sent mine to my parents yesterday. It was a mishmash of several written on MN over the years and included Roy being elected chairman of the golf committee; and the grandchildren being engaged as models for Boden mini.

[Aridane]

I don't understand

[StrikingMatches]

Every year I mean to and then forget - I've still got time to send one!

[BluePlasticBuddha]

It's a spoof round robin Aridane. Janet and Roy have cornered the market on inappropriate boasting. This is an example from previous years...

Dear

The Christmas tree is up and I’m allowing myself a lovely glass of sherry (very reasonably priced from Aldi, if you haven’t yet ventured in). Roy is wrestling with the outdoor light-up reindeer, quite awful, I know, but the children do love them. What better time to think back over the year, reach out and touch up old friends!

The year opened with quite an adventure: a trip to Prague! We did feel so daring. It’s known for “stag nights” but the young men we met on the plane were delightful, and ever so helpful when I had a spot of the old bother. The air hostesses were very quick with the serviettes too and the hotel got the stain out so all in all we counted it as a success!

And then before we knew it, it was time for the Musical. We’re convinced that it was Roy’s tremendous efforts with the stage effects – can you imagine conjuring up two dozen horses out of wire coat-hangers and papier mache? But it just made the production and everyone was singing “Oklahoma!” for weeks! – that got him voted onto the Amateur Dramatics Props Committee.

The children (not really children anymore, of course!) are doing well and it’s lovely to have Helen home. You can’t see the bump yet and we’re assured that by the time you can, Kyle will be back and everything can be sorted out. Fortunately he does look quite military in the photo, so when we say he’s away... people just assume!

Meanwhile Colin and Vic have their hands full with her three girls, (from her previous two marriages), and, while personally I had my doubts, the new pony is working out rather well, although it’s a shame about the patio windows. The eldest is almost 12 so we’ve had to ask them to stay out of our “special room”, although it’s all rather tamer nowadays. Roy’s hip means he can’t use the swing anymore, and we don’t trust the equipment since Pauline dropped the key through the floorboards and we had to call a locksmith to release Frederico - he’s Italian so took it all in his stride, but it was rather expensive.

And the autumn bought a piece of marvellous news; I was made Slimmer of the Year and the girls from the club all had a whip-round and took me to McDonalds for a celebration! Their little joke – we had the McSalads, of course! Only another 10 pounds and then I can enjoy a chocolate finger.

Roy’s loving being retired and the garden has never looked lovelier – apart from the weather, of course. I’m still keeping my end up with the white stuff which paid for a lovely weekend away on Guernsey in September.

I think your letter must have gone astray last year, but as luck would have it, we’re down your way in January so will call you to arrange us popping in for a good old catch-up. I'll bring a bag of bits we no longer need. You can rinse the talcum powder easily as it is not real leather (the animal righters would have us!).

The very happiest of seasonal wishes
Janet and Roy

[BluePlasticBuddha]

and the point is that you send them to someone who will be completely befuddled by it!

A couple of years ago my parents finally decided that Janet must have been someone my mum did her nursing training with in the 60s.

[BluePlasticBuddha]

My stories have grown and developed. This year Colin has split from Vic but somehow has cusody of the stepchildren. He's set himself up in a nice flat in Chichester and they are all doing well.

[DearMrDilkington]

That's hilarious

[BluePlasticBuddha]

I didn't write it originally- it was one I saved in my docs that a very very talented MNetter wrote! It remains my absolutely favourite.

[altkat]

I'm immediately sending this out to all relatives. It is glorious.

[buckeejit]

I love your J&J Blue - tempted to steal it myself ;)

[Cupcakegirl13]

Ha ha this is hilarious !!

[BluePlasticBuddha]

Oh,and last year I mentioned that Pam who lives near the big Lidl had her prize hydrangea turn it's toes up just before Chelsea. Janet told her that [my mum's name] would send a card when she had heard.

(My poor mum).

[MrsHathaway]

Janet & Roy is one of my favourite things about MN at Christmas.

I think it has to go to someone who usually (1) gets round robins in Christmas cards and (2) sends cards to a million old friends they only vaguely know. But I think there's scope to send to someone if you open with "I hope I've copied down your new address correctly: you know what Sally's handwriting is like nowadays and I didn't feel I could ask Frances after last time!" You can then address it to whoever you like but at your friend's address.

[BluePlasticBuddha]

Originally I think MNetters would send the J&Rs for other MNetters so that they would go to people with very random postmarks (to throw the recipients off the scent).

So the first year someone very kindly sent a J&R to my parents from somewhere in Scotland and I sent one for someone else with a postmark of Salisbury.

I just send them myself now and get friends to address the envelopes so the parents don't recognise my writing.

[BluePlasticBuddha]

A smaller problem is that this year we have received two genuine round robins and DH and I both remarked we can only read them with our 'J&R voices on'.

[SparklingSnowfall]

Oh I Love this!!

[BluePlasticBuddha]

This year also I am sending one to friends who have very recently moved and plan to address it as 'To our friends at XX Cottage'. (Name of their new house).

I think they will assume it was meant for the vendors but they might wonder why Janet is revealing information about Roy's prostate trouble 'not being in any way related to that other business' to people who they clearly do not know well enough to remember their names.

[PoultryBallot]

@BluePlasticBuddha are you still doing this?

[Likethebattle]

I used to get a real one from a person in Greece. We lived in Oak Grove and this was addressed to Oak Street but there was no 165 there so it ended up with us at Christmas and Easter. It was actually dull stuff but I loved reading it.