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Poncetastic 2017

(840 Posts)
Annwithnoe Tue 26-Sep-17 13:12:24

Since there doesn't seem to be a poncetastic thread, and to avoid confusion with thread titles, would I be out of order to start this one?

First order of business, a toast to our dearly missed Fellatio Nelson, wherever she may be and a quote from her original thread:

"OK, first of all, I know it's still September by we need to start this thread now because as you all know, having a truly Poncetastic Christmas involves precision planning, strategy, bravery, heroics, and frequently martyrdom. A bit like the war in Afghanistan, only with nicer food and sparkly shoes.

So, if you, like me, actually want to make the next twelve weeks of your life a misery by hand-crafting your cards, finding a huge bucket for Nigella's turkey in brine, pickling pears, shrivelling oranges in a low oven for those rustic au naturel decorations, dragging half a holly bush back from the woods, and just generally being a smug annoying jobsworth ponce, join me on this thread.

Feel free to post photos of previous tree-trimming, cake icing or table centrepiece triumphs, discuss this year's bauble colour themes, debate the merits of Delia versus Gordon, road-test a selection of canapes and cocktails, (all in the line of duty) and link to lovely inspirational photos/craft ideas for a truly Poncetastic Christmas.

Warning: If your idea of a good Christmas involves Pizza, ITV, gravy granules or anything with 'Aunt Bessies' on the packet, this is not the thread for you".


OP’s posts: |
Didiusfalco Tue 26-Sep-17 13:25:47

wine to fellatio nelson.

I'm not sure what form my poncing will take this year, but off the back of the Christmas books thread I have purchased nigella and I'm going to go from there - and of course any inspiration on this threadsmile

just5morepeas Tue 26-Sep-17 13:31:29

I think I'm going to make my own mincemeat again this year. Does that count?

I made this last year:

It was really nice (and think I actually still have a jar at the back of the fridge) but it was lighter and more fruity than a traditional micemeat and I'm going to go for a more trad recipe this year. Probably Delia's.

I'm definitely going to make it again though, because the amount of smug self satisfied christmasy feeling I got from making it meant it was well worth it! xD

I've also bought some actual fabric napkins, which feels very poncy to me as we're usually a kitchen roll on the table kind of family. But I suppose for actual poncyness I'll need to add homemade napkin rings. smile

MyPatronusIsABadger Tue 26-Sep-17 13:59:33

wine for Fellatio Nelson, wherever she may be.

Yay ive been waiting for this for too long. Hoping to have a truly poncetastic Christmas after a terrible year and for brave DH who is facing terminal cancer.

I've started looking through cook books and marking off recipes and have booked leave for lots of nice things (and some practical prep).

I must work on something on my 50 minute commute too, so will hopefully get ideas from here too.

moregingerbreadplease Tue 26-Sep-17 14:14:05

Jumps in
I am making blackberry and apple gin this weekend and am waiting to pick the sloes for my sloe gin too!
Have also found some brown paper wrap and red ribbon to do the presents up in this year - going rustic grin

MrsHathaway Tue 26-Sep-17 14:31:30

Plonking myself down happily, having just picked up card blanks - rather optimistic - and decorations for poncetastic wrapping (bells and crystals this year grin).

Crocheting of snowflakes and reindeer starts soon. I nearly ran out last year.

LilaoftheGreenwood Tue 26-Sep-17 14:36:02

Lurking to be a novice ponce this year. I don't actually host Christmas but I would like to create some kind of poncey Christmassy centre of gravity for say a big party in mid-December. It's too depressing going back to my folks every year, or going on holiday, and constantly feeling like YOU'RE ALL DOING IT WRONG, THIS IS NOT PONCEY ENOUGH. But one needs a nuclear family of one's own to do poncetastic Christmas properly. Does anyone want to lend me any of their more annoying DC?

Tidypidy Tue 26-Sep-17 14:39:59

I've got piccalilli and damson gin brewing in the cupboard so far. I think I'll do some mini mince pies with poncy stars on top next week to freeze and perhaps some of Nigella's peanut butter cups too.

LilaoftheGreenwood Tue 26-Sep-17 14:41:11

Found what I THINK is an awesome sloe berry bush on a walk recently. Can go back there next weekend.

I'm scared of poisoning myself and all my friends though, which would not be poncetastic, or at least not traditionally so.

Have done loads of google imaging but is there a reliable way of telling something is a sloeberry and not some terrible poisonous deadly nightshade or similar?

lborgia Tue 26-Sep-17 14:43:07

Thanks Ann, here you are smile this is the first time I've delurked for a Christmas thread; as I was explaining into the black hole of the other it allowed to enjoy the Ponce thread when I'm not actually hosting this year? Would it be ridiculous to go all out on decorations and still cook most of the food when we'll be at the outlaws?! Also, am in Oz, so need to create "proper" Christmas when very hot going to have aircon on full blast at various points..wonder if I could get some pretend snow?

I'm thinking of starting an excel spreadsheet, but not sure if that's too much.

Hampers/sets of preserves and chutneys to as many people as possible. Including red onion marmalade, something Indian-ish? And some cranberry jam. Not very inspired..need to have a look through some new recipes.

Mouldy oranges slices and cinnamon sticks probably. Have got a couple of fantastic christmas tree scented candles to make up for having a pretend tree - although have just found a website about proper christmas trees here, so might have to check budget for that.

Non-Christmas lunch food - large roast something turkey and the usual 12 side dishes.

Am thinking I should step back from the non-lunch lunch stuff, and focus more on the decorations?

Am looking for ideas for advent calendars to make for nearly secondary school boy, who secretly loves all things Christmassy and sparkly...

Oh, and almost forgot wine Fellatio Nelson... hope she's enjoying a poncetastic Christmas wherever she is.

Cabawill Tue 26-Sep-17 14:44:29

I have pinned loads of poncetastic crafts to do this year. I've bought the materials to make my own felt wreath and have started the DC collecting twigs and pine cones.

Anyone make their own mince pies and have a tried and tested recipe?

EvilDoctorBallerinaDuckKeidis Tue 26-Sep-17 14:47:20

🍷 to FellatioNelson.

I loved this thread last year! Should I have started? shock

LilaoftheGreenwood Tue 26-Sep-17 14:48:56

I'm sorry to hear Fellatio no longer around (I've been here years under other names). An old-time stalwart! brew

ILoveMillhousesDad Tue 26-Sep-17 14:57:01

This is my debut ponce

My first time hosting this year, so can't wait to soak up everyone's poncey tips.

newmum7369 Tue 26-Sep-17 14:57:01

Ah yes, this is the thread for me. Looking forward to a really special Christmas, my first as a Mum, so definitely need plenty of ponce this year. DS won't know, but it will make nice photos!

Won't be hosting Christmas lunch so no worries about juggling cooking with baby, but looking forward to filling the next few months of maternity leave with plenty of Christmas crafts, baking and decorating smile

HarvestMoon9 Tue 26-Sep-17 15:04:33

Hurray - excited to ponce this year! Made loads of stuff last year but sadly a family illness meant we had to trek across the country at the last minute, so hoping for a more straightforward poncey Christmas this year!

Lilaofthegreenwood - sloes usually have the same sort of dull 'bloom' on their surface like blueberries (nightshade berries are shiny!) - and a hard stone in the middle if you cut into it... Hope you've found a winner

jj21 Tue 26-Sep-17 15:10:26

I love this thread and lurk on it every year. So far I have made 4 different batches of piccalilli (not v imaginative, but it is extremely popular in our family) - this year we are trying to find the definitive recipe, and have just found last year's blackberry/raspberry gin/vodka which I am hoping is still OK. Might sample tonight to see if it is all right - best it is me who is poisoned if it is not. Have mincemeat and chilli sauce or jam planned for this weekend.

wine Fellatio - hope you are poncing wherever you are smile

FoofFighter Tue 26-Sep-17 15:11:07

Lurking for poncification tips star

LilaoftheGreenwood Tue 26-Sep-17 15:25:42

Thank you Harvest! Yes they had a definite bloom, I think we're on!

leesmum Tue 26-Sep-17 15:32:22

Lila Sloes taste quite bitter too, apparently Deadly nightshade are sweet grin

Darnley Tue 26-Sep-17 15:41:04

Poncing well under way here. Have already made plum chutney, apple chutney, peach and apricot chutney, piccalilli, chilli jelly and pear chutney.
Various craft ideas pinned and bits and pieces purchased.
Cake being made probably next week.
Still have some mincemeat from last years poncing, but may do some more.
Have sort of retired now, so more time. Wonderful.

Didiusfalco Tue 26-Sep-17 16:15:08

flowers for you and dh badger

eitak22 Tue 26-Sep-17 17:30:09


Currently making some christmas cards and will be making decorations for Reyes (epiphany) which is a big deal in spain.

JoylessFucker Tue 26-Sep-17 17:38:21

Hurrah for the Poncetastic thread and wine to the absent Fellatio Nelson.

flowers and/or gin wine cake for Badger and her DH. Hope this thread provides a pleasing diversion from all the shittiness.

Low-key poncer here, but I have already shouted out about this thread on my blog see here and I'm sooooooo glad we've started!

Methinks it's also time to order the books off the christmas cookbooks thread grin

BayeauxT Tue 26-Sep-17 17:43:49

Lila sloe bushes also have evil bastarding thorns - hence the name 'blackthorn'. I have sloe vodka on the go but think I will try hedgerow gin again this year - sloe, hawberries and blackberries

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