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PIL bought DD what I was going to get her

(69 Posts)
Helgathehairy Tue 10-Nov-15 12:26:46

Had agreed that PIL were going to get DD a play kitchen. I was going to get her a shop checkout and trolley. She loves pressing buttons and she loved the trolley in the shop. I had said this to PIL because they'd asked what we were getting her.

On Sunday MIL announced they'd got her a checkout and trolley as well! I didn't really know what to say at the time, I did say I was planning on getting her that and she just kinda said oh well we've got it now.

DH is a bit annoyed because he said he remembers me saying it to them.

I just don't think there's any point in getting her the same think they got her (I was getting her a bigger version of what they got her). Now we're getting her a Duplo train but I'm a bit pissed off at PIL.

Bubbletree4 Tue 10-Nov-15 12:30:03

You've saved money, your dd will not remember who gave what.

Win win!

Try to see the positives here. Not saying your pil are in the right btw.

biscuitkumquat Tue 10-Nov-15 12:31:38

DD will have absolutely no idea who bought her what, all she'll be interested in is playing with her lovely new toys.

Does she spend lots of time at PIL's house? Would she appreciate having one at her own house & one at theirs?

Don't be too hard on them, they were probably just trying to help

Helgathehairy Tue 10-Nov-15 12:34:45

She's at PILs at least once a week. The play kitchen is going to live there (we have a very small house).

I'm holding onto the fact she isn't going to care who bought what - it's just annoying. MIL is usually really good with boundaries so I think they just forgot I'd said I was getting it for her.

ImperialBlether Tue 10-Nov-15 12:40:07

They are really mean, doing that. Next Christmas buy your presents first, before telling them what she'd like.

scatterthenuns Tue 10-Nov-15 12:45:42

I'm with Bubble - you've saved some cash.

Anaffaquine Tue 10-Nov-15 12:47:02

My mil did this for dd1's first Christmas but didn't tell us. Meaning we had duplicates of all her toys from Santa.
I took ours back and got the money back. Dd doesn't remember.
I had to have a stern talk with her about it.
We try not to let on what we are getting the kids now. Sometimes it works...

LimboNovember Tue 10-Nov-15 13:27:39

if they are generally good with boundaries suck this one up, say its a shame, though so they dont think its 100% ok and put the money towards something else fun..

Xenadog Tue 10-Nov-15 13:29:13

They have overstepped the mark I think. Next time they ask for birthdays or Christmas present ideas I would pointedly say you can't possibly tell them what you are planning to get DD as they stole the idea this Christmas. I'd say it with a laugh but make sure they got the message.

Both sides of my family ask what to buy my DD and they are always good with sticking to things. It's just being respectful and ensures that DD doesn't receive duplicates.

I wonder what the PIL would do if you'd already bought the checkout and trolley. Would they have taken theirs back?

LimboNovember Tue 10-Nov-15 13:33:38

xena mine ask but dont like to be told......

Floggingmolly Tue 10-Nov-15 13:37:12

Boundaries... They bought her a gift, ffs! When you mentioned you were getting the trolley, they probably didn't understand how important it was that it came from you directly.
Neither do I, actually. And neither will your dd. and isn't it from Santa anyway?
Boundaries confused

Helgathehairy Tue 10-Nov-15 13:52:24

Yes boundaries Flogging They asked what I was going to get her, not what she would like. But does it really warrant a 'ffs' a cross out and sarky face? You seem to be taking this moe seriously than I amwink

Helgathehairy Tue 10-Nov-15 13:53:15

She's only be 2.4 at Christmas so doesn't really get Santa yet.

Floggingmolly Tue 10-Nov-15 13:57:35

I'm not taking it seriously at all. It's incredibly mean spirited on your part, though. Your two year old won't give a shite either way.

Helgathehairy Tue 10-Nov-15 14:01:12

How is it mean spirited? They have already bought her a big present - I just didn't expect/want them to go buy the present I had planned to buy her. Which meant I had to go think of something else to get her.

I think I know how you feel. My PILs have form for doing this, except they buy random (& often broken) assorted tat from charity shops all year, & don't wait until Christmas to give the presents. They then complain they can't afford to buy her anything for Christmas & she gets something MIL has made on Christmas eve out of felt or wool, often unfinished, & which always falls apart really quickly.. They've already bought 4 things that we'd planned to buy, or bought, for DD, & given them to her. But of course it's hard to say anything as it comes across as ungrateful.

Or, they tell her they are going to get her a specific thing, so we don't. And then on Christmas day they mention they couldn't afford it & DD is disappointed.

yomellamoHelly Tue 10-Nov-15 14:04:03

Been there many times. For this once I would let it wash over you. Your dd won't care who got it. But you need a plan for future birthdays / Christmases etc

shutupanddance Tue 10-Nov-15 14:05:31

Are you me? My pil did the samehmm my older dds, 13 a d 10 will remember.angry

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams Tue 10-Nov-15 14:07:12

Provided that they are going to keep the trolley at their house I'd be fine about it. Those things are evil, literally ankle biters.

Buy her a drum kit, to keep at the PIL's smile

shutupanddance Tue 10-Nov-15 14:08:21

I would say something gently if they are normally ok. Mines a spiteful pita.

BathshebaDarkstone Tue 10-Nov-15 14:13:12

Never tell them what you're buying her. Say "We haven't decided yet."

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell Tue 10-Nov-15 14:15:20

Buy her a £3 calculator. It's the best present we've ever given our DC - lots of buttons and no noise. Now the 6yo has taken to writing 'rude' words ('80085/BOOBS') in upside down numbers on it, it's got a new lease of life. The gift that keeps on giving...

I would NOT be upset at the PIL buying something like that, even if I'd planned to. Make sure they keep the trolley there too; trolleys are a real PITA and they never break so you can't get rid of them <bitter>. If your DD doesn't already have a buggy for her dolls, get her a £6 one from Smyths/Argos/supermarket instead - she will get exactly the same joy from filling it and pushing it around, and best of all, buggies fold....

TheDietStartsTomorrow Tue 10-Nov-15 14:15:51

I think you're just being precious about something trivial tbh. They generally know boundaries so it's not part of a bigger picture. They've bought her something she wants and it means you can go and buy her something else. She'll have double the presents. Would you rather she didn't?

The focus of the presents is your DD. It's for her happiness that you're all buying them. If she's not spoilt or materialistic and therefore not in need of learning to make do with less and nor is she making demands then if she's getting a few extra presents she'll be happy. Just buy her something else. Don't make life unnecessarily difficult.

-Stop being an arse--

LimboNovember Tue 10-Nov-15 14:21:12

Oh dear....

OP ignore, those of us who have been there understand!

My in laws got bitten by this, we got her the v tech camera as her main present and went to pils and they had also got it, mil was gutted.

they ask now however - when we suggest, fil is fine but mil sulks like hell...

LimboNovember Tue 10-Nov-15 14:24:59

stop being an arse!!

op has put thought and is excited about giving her dd this gift, she has discussed gifts and was looking forward to everythng being sorted and giving her dd htis gift. now she has to start again, no its not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but so are so many things.

i can totally udnerstand why she is put out. no needd to be so horrid

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