I didn't get the job. What now?

[Thatisme]

Posting as in need of a hand hold. I work as an assistant team manager in a team of 14. I've been with my current employer for less than four years; started at the bottom and got promoted to assistant manager a year later. I do like my job, I'm a grafter and go over and beyond for colleagues and customers. I put pride in what I do and I always felt that this was recognised, as I have been receiving incredible feedback consistantly by colleagues and by my manager who I have a great working relationship with. Three weeks ago my manager announced that she would be covering another role for 9 months, so a secondment opportunity came up. Literally minutes after this was announced colleagues messaged me asking (assuming) I'd be apply to take her position. I did indeed apply and unanimously everyone thought, my manager included, that it was just a formality. The pressure was huge and I failed. They will not give me the job. I was the only candidate, because the job was virtually mine and I had been doing it unofficially for the last 3 weeks, but they will not give me the job. That's how shit I am!! The shittiest of shits! I only found out today and my world has crumbled. I just don't know what to do with myself. It's a level of failure that I don't know how to swallow. I didn't know that I was that shit. I only told 2 people at work, one being my manager, and they were shocked. What do I do? I can't even face going back, I can't stay now knowing what I know. I'm broken, utterly devastated. The feedback was that although I'm amazing at what I do, the interview was poor and didn't give them confidence I'm ready to move up. I'm not good enough basically and now everyone knows, including me. I'm that bad that I hadn't even figured it out until now and I'm 53. I know this post won't help, but it gave me something to do for a few minutes. Good night.

Also, if you do get another job, you can use this as leverage to stay in a company you love but get the pay and status you deserve. I know a few women who when they weren't promoted (but expected to do their departing manager's job anyway) or refused a pay rise, just got better job offers elsewhere and then came back and said, I have been offered x. I would love to stay in this company so if you can match this salary and role, I will stay, otherwise, please accept my notice. Some moved on but a few stayed at better rates.

Thank you everyone for all your replies and advice. I'm glad I posted here as it returned some very insightful views. It's only a few hours old and still so raw. I will need some time to come to terms with it and find a way forward. To answer some of the questions, yes I did prepare for the interview and prepared using the STAR method, as advised by my manager to do. I had plenty of examples ready and had answers to questions that they even asked me, but upon reflection I think I underestimated the process. The fact that there was an assumption that the job was already mine surely didn't help, nor did it help that one of the recruiters is an ops manager who, I hear, always sings my praises to how well I deputise in the manager's absence. I came across as naive and possibly needing too much support, especially with regards to dealing with other (senior) stakeholders within the organisation. They know I would ace the day-to-day running of the team, so they want to give me detailed feedback and put me on a development plan to move to the next level if any future opportunity arose. This may sound positive, but I know I will never stand a chance in my current team. My gut feeling tells me that they don't think I'm good enough for that step up and right now I would not put myself through that hurtful process again. We already discussed that they will not expect me to carry on covering without pay, they're very fair, and I saw that individual meetings with team members have been booked for next week. I presume this is to discuss the current situation and the lack of a manager for the foreseeable future. I think my position there has become untenable, but I will leave a decision for when emotions have subsided. I'm grateful for your views and the experiences you have shared with me. Thank you.

Your update is actually more positive. Putting you on a development plan means they see promise.

One of the things about getting promoted is the iceberg gets bigger. What I mean is the unseen part of the job that is not visible gets bigger. That is why you are good at day to day running the team but need development to help you develop the other skills you will need at the next level.