NHS after 30 years I feel I’m burning out

[ReformMyArse]

It’s been building for a while but I just feel so paralysed.
Ive had a few health scares (2 week waits etc, illnesses found but not cancer) which I’m sure haven’t helped. Also had a traumatic bereavement.
I find work so all consuming, am middle management and clinical, don’t feel as though I’m doing a good job at either.
I just took a holiday and only enjoyed the first two days, the remainder of the time had the back to work dread,
Sunday is so bad I often log in to clear the emails or so some clinical prep.
I feel so irritable, like one day I’m going to combust with rage.
I’ve started to let the mask slip and feel out of control. I say some outrageous things.
On the surface I am kind and caring but my empathy is at its limit. I don’t go the extra mile anymore.
At home I’ve become obsessive about cleanliness and order.
I can't bear the stress of socialising in my home, all that has stopped.
I’m grumpy with DH and DC.
Sometimes I throw up before work.
My sleep is dreadful on days I’m working, waking every hour, probably get 4 hours a night.

I’ve looked at what I find hard, the main things are:
Managing some difficult individuals under very poor and complicated HR policies.
The constant emails, passing responsibilities, mopping up the undone work of others. Some days it’s all consuming.
The hierarchy and those who just pass work down all day. Apparently their own boundaries are absolute but everyone else doesn’t have the same rights.
All the processes, many overlap, it’s all so bloody inefficient. No one will budge on this, apparently it’s fine to keep adding to them. For example, to book a treatment you need to do several lengthy steps when one would suffice.
The terrible IT system that cost a fortune but added so much work onto clinical staff.
Not having sufficient time to focus on clinical work. I feel I’m always making low level (so far) mistakes. Sometimes these haunt me.

I feel trapped as everyone who left has found the same problems elsewhere. I have a mortgage and am many years into the pension. Would appreciate guidance or hearing from those who experienced similar.

I have until recently been in your position and reached complete burnout at the end of last year and have fortunately now been able to retire. Having been a clinical manager so a comparable role everything you say rings very true. My advice at this stage would be to actually put yourself first and take some time out and off work before things get worse. I waited too long and became very ill and completely unable to function at work and as you know it can be a very toxic and bureaucratic environment to work in. The NHS relies on so many staff going over and above e.g. doing unpaid overtime , dealing with emails at home and on holiday. I even had my own staff telling me to put myself first so don’t worry about what others will think, if you are not sleeping and so anxious before work you are getting very close to breaking point.

This may not be a solution for you but I left the NHS and got a job in further education as a lecturer in health and social care it's given me a far better work life balance

I had a job like this but not NHS a private hospital in Australia. It stressed me out so much and I think I became an arsehole. Then I got cancer. I'm better now but no fucking way will I have a job like that again.
Look after yourself.

If you have been in for 30 years, do you have scs? If so it can't be too long until you are 55 and you can take your 1995 pension and work less hours and possibly a lower band as it will then not make such a difference to your 2015 pension

I could have written your post and feel exactly the same. I’m 50, band 7 and recognise everything you say.

I was putting my struggles down to peri/menopause but could actually be stress for all of the reasons you’ve listed. It is actually an impossible job to do properly at the moment and like you I feel I can’t think straight and am working too slowly because I can’t concentrate and keep getting interrupted.

When it impacts on home life something has to give.

are You going to go at 55 ….you can’t be long from that if you’ve been with nhs for over 30 years?
how much longer you got?

It will not change. Talking therapies, antidepressants, time off, lower hours, nothing will change.
You will still be faced with the chaos and the impossible challenges.

I know. I was right there where you are.(including the pension dilemma)

So by chance a job came up in industry.
I started to look and my god, there are just loads of top B7, B8 equivalent pay scales but in interesting and adventurous nursing roles.

So i could/would not carry on behest to a pension because I knew I would be either dead or with chronic health issues brought on by extreme burnout and stress.
Therefore what’s the point? I want to enjoy my retirement and my kids not be too unwell to even make it there.

I got a job in industry. I am appreciated, listened to, job is a lovely pace and interesting, I travel, meet fascinating people and definitely make a big difference to patients through my work. It’s safe and life is good.

My NHS pension is frozen (I’ve paid into it for over 30 years) I can claim it in the next couple of years, and I contribute to another top up pension and save my lovely bonus to make up for shortfalls… yes… you get bonuses on top of your very healthy pay packet!

My advice, jump, make the leap, you will never look back, I haven’t!

I’m sorry to hear that OP, it sounds like you’re having a shite time and that it’s a miracle that you’re still carrying on.

it really sounds like you need some time away from work, no one’s resilience lasts forever!

Ive been hanging on to my sanity for a while now after 33 years as an NHS nurse. We’ve been through a series of different management overhauls and I’ve been moved about in my 8a role to different areas.

I feel like I’ve been given an impossible task and am experiencing all the signs of work related stress.

My current temporary manager set me an action plan, some of which was out of my control and then said she was assured by my performance and has declined my request to retire and return so I’m stuck!

I can’t afford to leave as am the sole wage earner but can’t cope with staying!

Knock a CV together and look on LinkedIn for recruiters, ping it to a few of them. They will come up with some cracking opportunities for you. Have a search for clinical educator roles in your area.

I agree with pp saying freeze the NHS pension. Speak to an independent financial advisor. You will probably be able to get a better paid job outside the NHS and start building up a private pension. It is worth doing because you can reduce your tax by contributing to a pension. You can get a pension forecast for both your NHS and state pension so you can work out the sums for the next ten years. Or, do what I did and look for other roles in the NHS outside the hospital. Consider research or GP for example or as pp suggested, teaching. IME working in hospital is the worst for chaos, confusion and bullying.

I'm sorry that you're feeling like this @ReformMyArse

I'm in a slightly different position in that I've been in the NHS since the early 1990s but i then moved out of the NHS & i feel much the same. I feel trapped by the job, the pay, the level that I need to work at to earn what I need for my mortgage etc, the holidays etc, but I know that this is burnout. I know I can't do another 8 years like this until my pension (as I lost my SCS). Perimenopause is also taking my filter away and I am that person in the meeting who says the things that others dare not say! I can't tolerate the nonsense any longer.

My advice would be:

Look at having free work counselling from Abel Futures. It's a 9 month programme fully funded by the DWP. Its funded to help keep staff at work.

Look at the NHS Leadership Academy & sign up for free career coaching. Find your "why." Which aspects of work do you enjoy? What roles can you do in the lead up to retirement? Is a Clinical Nurse Specialist role worth considering where you won't have to manage staff?

Look up an online salary calculator. I'm often surprised by how close the take home pay can be between grades.

Look up the pension advisors Pen-gage (on Facebook). They give really sound advice & amazing info about the NHS pension & reductions for taking early.

Remember, you've spent your whole career looking after others, your body and mind are now telling you to look after you. Take care & let us know how you get on.

How are you now @ReformMyArse ?

Did you make any changes?

Cannot blame you. Same here 14 years in. I'm done and I have the same symptoms as you. I had a 2 week wait scare a few months ago, and you know the terrible thing, I wanted it to be cancer to have an escape. I know how bad that sounds.