Burnout

[SanctusInDistress]

At point did you know you had reached rock bottom? I keep telling myself ‘it’s just a job, why do you care so much’.

is burnout a real thing, or do I just not ‘have what it takes’!

The answer to that is context specific. Can you say any more about what's going on?

I work constantly 50+ hour weeks, compulsively replying to emails at all hours. Endless lists of things that need to be done. Constant firefighting. Large responsibility, minimal team. Constant finger pointing.

i feel faint sometimes going into work. Never take lunch breaks. Sometimes feel breathless. Jealous of people who have died ‘they don’t have to worry about anything’. Guilt that I’m thinking like that over just a job. Feel I’m letting family down as always stressed about work, but terrified of losing my wage.

exhausted. Just exhausted. Child almost an adult however so I can’t complain. Hence why am I just being melodramatic or is this not normal? When did life get so complicated? When did we start caring so much?

Yes sounds like a classic case of burnout.
Although you could consider if maybe long Covid or menopause might be an issue if you feel that you used to be able to hack it, but no longer can
What does your manager say about the situation?

Why are you working 50+ hour weeks? Why no lunch breaks? Why replying to emails at all hours?

You're using words like compulsively so I can't tell whether these are things that are "necessary" and being pushed upon you - or problematic boundaries and decisions on your side.

Either way, burnout is a real thing and if work is making you feel jealous of dead people then I think you need and deserve support to change this picture.

What support do you have at work? What processes are there for stress risk assessments? Is there an employee assistance programme you could access?

You can also self refer for a short course of talking therapy (usually CBT) on the NHS.

It’s a classic case of people and departments made redundant and everything has been oiled on me. On the one had my line manager says I’m doing a great job but in the next breath she says why haven’t I done x y z.

i get told people will be hired to help so I cling on a bit more but then it turns out the cavalry isn’t coming.

maybe it’s menopause.

The work itself is not burning you out
Are you micromanaged
Have impossible deadlines
Are the fires started by colleagues, management
Is there aggressive and challenging behaviour at work

I started hyperventilating and left within a year

Had a visible low key tantrum over a difficult colleague after 5 years

Working similar hours to you and two pt jobs

Always had extremes of sleep and slept in car at lunch sometimes

Walked in one day without saying hello to anyone, just mumbled. I'm popular so it was noticed

Started making more and more outlandish jokes.

Arrived 5 mins later in morning, meeting was cancelled for that. I msg the organiser and joked do you know what would have make me not 5 mins late? Not being sat on my bed for 5 mins googling I want to leave my job

With the economy as it is, start looking and be out within 8 weeks. Don't ruin your health
I left for a long gap year in mid 30s

Burn out is very real. First off, get your blood pressure checked - that’s known as the silent killer, as it can sneak up with no symptoms, especially when you’re under extreme stress. You know the way you’re thinking isn’t right, so you need to find a way to manage it. That could be a re-evaluation of your workload with your manager, setting better boundaries, or looking for a new job.

I was in your position 6 months ago, I now work a compressed week which I know sounds crazy when you have a ridiculous workload, but I now take Wednesdays off and I’m more productive than I’ve ever been, and work is only in 2 (long) day blocks which I find way more manageable. It also gives me time in the morning to actually get stuff done without the interruptions from others being online.

I hope you find a solution that works for you.

Create some boundaries and create a separation between work and home and prioritise your health over everything. What you need to do is remember that if something happened to you tomorrow you would be replaced and the company and the work will carry on regardless. For starters stop 'compulsively' replying to emails at all hours. If necessary remove access to your work emails on personal devices you use outside of work such as your phone. Take your lunch breaks, get outside for a walk and stop working additional hours unless absolutely necessary. You will find that by taking back some control that you feel less burdened and panicked by it all.

Thank you for replies. I’ve been to the doctor to get a full set of bloods. Doctor encouraged me to take proper time off but I feel incredibly guilty so will wait to see what the bloods come back with as it may be that I’m deficient in something.

im also applying for other jobs but worried I’ll not be able to cope there either and at least where I am I’ve racked up the years.

Why do you feel guilty? What harm are you causing? Your employer doesn't seem to be feeling guilty about overloading you.

I was in your situation and felt completely frazzled. One particularly stressful day tipped me over the edge and I has a panic attack in a client meeting. That triggered something and my anxiety/panic has never gone away, even years after leaving that job. I'd try find any way out if I were you.

I knew I as burned out when I was on a flight home from a work trip to Italy and I thought ‘I’d be quite happy if this plane went down right now..’

i ended up having to take 8 months off work sick. Was suicidal, panic ridden. Exhausted.

it’s a year on now and I stil haven’t fully recovered

Thank you for your replies. It’s heartbreaking that we find ourselves in these situations.

I feel guilty because I’m not ill-ill and I’m very bad a lying. I’m very work- proud and hate the idea that ‘I can’t cope’. I took Friday off and feel better but I have stomach cramps just thinking about tomorrow. I’m worried I’ll never feel normal again!

You need to stop pretending you can carry on last this.

Because you are allowing your employer to get away with understaffing and taking advantage of current employees.

Remember that your employer would replace you/make you redundant in a heartbeat if it was to their advantage.

No job is worth losing your mental and physical health over.

Start taking a real lunch breaks, stop checking emails out of hours and find a new job...

You also have to tell your manager that your current workload is unmanageable and is now affecting your health. If you don't make it clear you will no longer put up with things they will just avoid hiring new staff and will just exploit you instead.

But frankly a better work environment with another company is what you really need.

Well you may not be physically ill yet, but you will be!

Mine started to manifest physically- I couldn't breathe, lump in throat sensation, and pure panic. Its shocking and it will affect your whole life for years. You have to spot it before it gets to this stage. I also think stress and work is addictive. I felt like superwoman. The more I did, the more I could do! It must be adrenaline. My boss never slept and would start emailing at 2am, so I had to logon to get ahead with things! It's madness.

You ARE ill
Burnout is real and devastating and everything you are describing screams serious stress/anxiety/burnout
This doesn’t make you bad at your job or not cut out for it. You just need a bit of time and perspective to get things back together

go back to the doctor and get signed off sick for a couple of weeks with work-related stress. if this is public sector employer they aren’t going to fire you for that!

Refer yourself or get your GP to refer you to your local talking therapies service. Find options locally here https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-nhs-talking-therapies-service I got CBT for anxiety - mix of telephone and a website thing - and it transformed my ability to cope at work and lead to me becoming a much more successful manager and leader (seriously I think all managers should have it)

ask your HR team if there is work based support you can access eg via an employee assistance programme

Def also talk to GP about menopause, HRT etc if you are that age. Have had several friends and colleague have major anxiety spikes due to menopause . I sometime wonder if my anxiety issues were linked to being peri…

it sounds very much like burning out. You are ill! And it’s not you not having what it takes!

for your own sake make a list of what you were doing before the redundancies (when you likely already were doing a full time job), and then note who/when people got made redundant and what tasks you took over from them (over and above your previous full time role) and how much time each of these activities take. I’m sure you’ll quickly see how much you’re actually doing! Then share this with your manager, together with a list of the tasks you have now and have an agreement which tasks you can give over to others, which you can park and which should be your priority. I was in a similar situation and having it in black and white how much more I was doing and asking him what I should park, ignore or give over to others made him also accountable.
good luck and take care of yourself!

Thank you all for tbe replies. I’ve quantified tbe impact of the decommissioned department so I have data to prove tbe burnout.

the thing is I got a pay rise (a year after I took on tbe extra work and because I threatened to quit), so couldn’t tbey say ‘you took tbe money so now you can’t tell us you can’t do it’. My argument is that even if I got paid millions, there is only 24 hours in tbe day…..

im thinking I might ask to go down to 4 days a week to see if it gets better. Anybody tried it using burnout as a reason?

No job is worth sacrificing your health for. Don't let it get to that stage. You need to call a meeting with your boss and let them know that doing the job of multiple people is not sustainable. It is not a sign of weakness or failure, it is a sign of strength to recognise when things are going wrong and to seek solutions to put them right.

Could he then tell me that I need to revert back to my old salary then?

my argument would be that I can take in more areas of responsibility but that for the actual work i need extra people?

I’m very nervous about it, I hate the idea of people thinking that I’m not up to it. I know that I’m being taken advantage of. I think I’m my own worst enemy.

im thinking I might ask to go down to 4 days a week to see if it gets better. Anybody tried it using burnout as a reason?

That only works if your workload is less. I went down to 4 days and didn't lose any work, hence you have to try and cram it all into 4 days.

PT work is hugely stressful as the demands are still FT and most people in the organisation work FT and you're always playing catch up.

Number one - as others have said, this is burnout and you need and deserve something to change, for the good of your long term wellbeing. This is also in your employer’s interests as otherwise the next step is that you’re too ill to work for weeks or months, or you leave completely.

number two - it would be very difficult and unlikely for them to take back your pay rise and the fact that you’re thinking that suggests your mind is a bit muddled. You are no longer doing your original job, but one with substantially more responsibilities. Now, with the knowledge and experience you have in that role, you are bringing to their attention that more resource is needed. That is presumably the kind of thing you are being paid to understand.

Remember - they didn’t give you a pay rise because they care about your career/ health/ personal circumstances, but because they wanted to pay you a bit more to avoid paying other staff at all. It’s really hard because you need help but the business cannot/ will not help you unless you are really explicit about what you need. Now you have to turn your attention away from what the business needs in the short term and onto what you need. It’s in everyone’s best interests to do this.

Assuming you were ok working full time in the past, in your shoes I would say you need more staff or you will not be able to do the work. Make it clear that deliverables will not be met unless that condition is met first, and give a realistic estimate of what you can do in 5 x normal days with an hour’s lunch break and weekends completely off.