I’ve had to step down from management (before I was pushed). What now?

[Schooltripmess]

I’d appreciate some advice on an unwanted situation at work.
some years ago I joined a newish firm just as a consultant and set up my niche area. It was my baby and it’s been really successful.

The business owner always had misgivings about me -I’ve heard him say to candidates that my strengths and interests are more on the technical intricacies (he apologised for that).

As the business grew he appointed me department head. We’re now a happy close-knit team of six and we’ve smashed our targets.

However, my boss then decided, without discussion, to split the department in two (on very unnatural lines that in my view will create operational problems). The candidate he preferred (not my recommendation) asked me in interview “what will your role be?”. I think he was concerned he’d be walking into a drama. I think he was also giving me a friendly warning.

I met with boss and set out my red lines which he agreed. But clearly it isn’t going to work. Boss wants complete freedom and hasn’t told me anything about plans for what is now “other half” of the work. he’s also downgraded another key project of mine. It got dysfunctional/he got angry/I got emotional and I decided to get out of the way and step down. Otherwise there were just going to be big arguments/I’d get sacked.

every other aspect of the job is good - after all it has been built around me. I have close colleagues who respect me.

It’s annoying that this has happened as my team really rate me and we were the best performing team. But I dont (yet) have the skill to guide the team (or half-team) on a path I don’t approve of without getting frustrated in a way that shows.

My pride is wounded and I’m annoyed to be one more stereotype of a woman pushed aside for a younger man more in the boss’ image. Boss is basically a decent guy but running a £10m business alone so has to be ruthless I guess.

Am I doing the right thing to step away -right away -from management at this point and just “do the day job” so as not to crowd my new colleague? Or will that be misunderstood?

Do you think we give a bit too much of ourselves/aren’t detached enough?
I’ve been thinking that for me it’s been almost a calling/a mission. That’s been my undoing because I’ve taken the mistreatment personally.

God yes absolutely. I have never learned the art of detachment, or 'it's just a job' or of not caring far far too much.

A smart employer would use that to build the worlds most loyal employees. Cunts just use it then see it as a weakness then discard.

If you are not going to challenge them on this are you staying so that you can watch the new guy fail? Because your confidence will be battered in the process and you will feel resentful if he asks you for help or advice and it will be painful to watch if your project fails. And if your boss supports his protégé when it’s going tits up you will feel seriously undermined.

For those reasons I would walk, you won’t be around to contribute, any loyalty lies with you. So I would start planning what, how, where and when you can start something else. You don’t want to explain a step down on your CV either.

Thank you.
i found a position I want to apply for today :). I’m on holiday so will write CV

Sorry this is happening to you. I've had similar and my advice is that by taking control now you will move on both literally and mentally in a stronger frame of mind.
No matter what, if you stay it will be challenging and you will use up energy just to survive the day that could be better focused on moving your career on elsewhere.
It's not fair, it shouldn't be that way but it is and the single best thing you can do for yourself is make decisions now while you're energised about it rather than trying to make it work to someone else's tune.
Good luck

Thank you. The step down is end September so I got time -but not much time.

Good luck in finding a good role soon OP! Them missing you when you're gone is no real consolation, but I'm sure they will.

Hello.. I'm new to posting so bear with me..I'm in a similar situation..I've managed a small team for 10 years and thought I'd really done a good job. Worked hard, expanded to new projects took pride in my work.
New management on board. I've been downgraded (I've not done anything wrong, it's just 'the way') and have a lower paid job with no management role now.

I've tried to rise above and be adult but in the last few weeks just come to conclusion that best way forward is to to leave. My face doesn't fit I can tell.

It's hard as I've been in this job for long time and it's my baby too

I've never been so angry and had an attitude work wise but I have now. It's so toxic and I don't recognise that in me.. I could literally flatten someone (,I won't honest!)

OP you sound a hard working dedicated and committed person. Weigh up your options and move away as soon as the right moment comes along. Make that emotional break from where you are.

Good luck!

Another one here wondering how you could let him wipe the floor with you professionally and still be able to turn up for work each day. I'd have handed my notice in the day after he undermined you and made significant changes to the structure of the business without a 'by your leave'.

He clearly has no respect for you and I would surmise he is threatened by you. I wouldn't waste much more time in your career on the arrogant bastard. Use him for as long as it takes to get yourself a fantastic new role elsewhere, then make sure you update your LinkedIn profile to rub it in how successful you are.

Hi Anne, thanks for posting. It helps to know I’m not alone.

it’s hard isn’t it?

daisy thanks for posting. Yes -emotional break is the phrase.

this has everything to do with age and sex which doesn’t help…

It’s a bit like what divorce must feel like!

Oh it's fucking awful and wrecks your self esteem along with it. It's the injustice that kills me, knowing you did everything right and it doesn't matter a fuck if your face doesn't fit.

I'm still really angry, and have found out that my ex-boss is telling people wild stories about thinks i apparently did which never really happened, and I have no right of reply.

Please please move on before they do it for you; I hung on because I was close to my work friends, but really it's all for nothing. Either people will stay in your life because the friendship is real, or it was situational and you'll all move on. And ultimately, either way is ok.

It’s not that simple though is it, finding another job? And living just on DH’s income for an extended period would, I think, be worse for self-esteem

No it's not easy, but best to get started rather than wait until you're out of work which is what I stupidly did.

It is hard, I've always been a 'good' person work wise eg extra hours, going extra mile etc. We've had a tight deadline for a project normally I would have been all over it but I've taken a step back (I've kept busy) and it's so against the grain I feel awful that people have noticed and I've let them down..it's how I am conditioned I suppose
I've had a thought re a career change so am waiting to see where that goes.

Some folks just don't give a toss about work wish I was like that...life must be so much easier!

I do feel I’m letting go in a good way. Boss and I had 5 good years then 2 weird ones. He never had faith in me as a leader and frankly I’ve lost faith in him as a manager of me.
We are quits as regards the past -we’ve helped each other no end.

That's good then.. you are clear where you stand ..now you can plan ahead. Good luck 🍀