why do companies say they are 'family friendly' and have a flexible working policy then end up saying "no"??!!

[happynappies]

I am at my wits end. Myself and my dh made a decision when our dd was born that we were going to look after her ourselves. I'm not judging anyone here - it is just that we made a decision that we weren't going to call upon our parents, or use nurseries or whatever... we are not well off by any stretch of the imagination, I am a teacher with no management points or responsibilities, and dh earns marginally less than me. We worked out that the only possible way we could afford to look after our dd was for me to work one day a week and dh to compress his hours, working four days a week but doing full-time hours. I applied for flexible working, and to cut a very long story 9 months short, I was ready to go to Employment Tribunal when my employers backed down. I'm worn out from fighting tooth and nail for 9 months, and thought the hard part was done. Now dh works in the 'real world' in a large well-known company who are full of their flexible working policy and child family policies. So when he goes to them to ask informally whether he can compress his hours and have one day a week off, they say no (despite the fact that others in his department do this when they don't even have caring responsibilities). He then says he will take his annual leave one day a week - we won't have any holidays together, but no worries... But, they well say no he can't do that either, because everyone else might want to. Now we're stuck. I'm back at work. His work have given us four weeks - what are we supposed to do now? It seems to me that people spout 'family friendly' and 'flexible working' but what they really mean is perhaps we can offer you something, some small concession... it won't be what you need in order to fulfill your childcare commitments because we're not interested in that - that's your problem. Sorry for the rant... just so angry!!!!

We have looked at it from other angles... He could be 'on call' or contactable e.g. by email on a Friday. Colleagues wouldn't have to pick up extra work. He couldn't drop his hours because the problem is with the day requested being a Friday. The problem arrises because the company have already allowed people to compress their hours and several people have taken advantage of this and either work a 4-day week or a 9-day fortnight taking Fridays off. The company have now put the brakes on, fearful that everyone is going to want Friday off. So no - he can't work 4 days and be paid for 4 days, or work full-time over 4 days, or work 4 days and take 1 days' annual leave because all scenarios lead to him taking Friday off. I fully understand that the business needs have to be assessed, and that there is a limit to what flexible working can be accommodated in various circumstances, but the reason we thought our proposal would work was that dh was initially told by his team leader that it would be 'fine' to compress his hours. The reality of actually asking to put this into practice some months on when my work have finally agreed to my proposal is somewhat different, and this is when I see 'clutching at straws' to cite business reasons that you have to be cynical about when you have seen umpteen other people be allowed to do the very thing you are being told you can't do. It is only because I have seen through my 9 month request-refusal-appeal-refusal-grievance-refusal-appeal-refusal-right up to the point of Employment Tribunal- how employers can be extremely unhelpful and obstinate... before doing a complete 'U' turn when faced with a indirect sex discrimination claim that I am cynical about my dh's employers, but as I previously said, we will make a formal request, and we will see what they say, and no - we can't expect everything to be 'just so' and perhaps dh will have to look for other work.

Personally I can see why people with a caring responsibility have a different 'need' for flexible working than people without, but agree it would be great if everyone could benefit from it. My Mum works full-time and cares for her elderly parents. She has to be there morning and night to ensure medication is taken, and that meals are prepared otherwise they wouldn't survive. She doesn't work flexibly at the moment - but it would help her so much if she was able to. Is it her 'choice' to be in this position? Another colleague might achieve a better work-life balance if they could spend more time on their hobbies, but it is already at employers' discretion to offer flexible working to people in the second category. If people without caring responsibilities want to change their working pattern they can ask - in some ways perhaps they stand the same chance as anyone else of having their working hours changed, as nobody has a 'right' to the hours they want to work... I'm rambling now, so I'll stop.

Why doesnt he choose another day then? If they have a number of staff off on a Friday already, why doesnt he ask for a day mid-week - that way he gets to drop a day and the business I would assume would agree as its not a Friday.

They obviously can only cater for so many staff off on a Friday and if people have already made this arrangement then there will be a limit on future applications. I dont think you are right in saying they should agree to the request as others dont work Fridays - otherwise the company would end up having no staff in at all on that day.

As others have said, the flexibility has to work both ways - at the moment it only appears work have to be flexible and not yourselves.

Because I have to work on a Friday... As I said, when we planned our proposal his manager said it would be alright, otherwise we might not have got so far with my application, because obviously if it wasn't going to work there would be no point applying for it. Understand flexibility works both ways. We can be flexible to a degree, as can anyone else about the hours they do, but there are limits!!!

To be honest happy, if the reason that they can't grant his request is that they already have too many people taking Fridays and therefore they cannot afford to 'lose' another, then I think that is a legitimate reason.

Is there no way you could talk to your workplace about changing your day (I realise that the relationship with them is somewhat fraught)?

I can understand your frustration that their reasons don't seem as 'good' as yours, but if they got there first then that's that. They can't turn around and tell others that they are unilaterally changing their arrangments because your DH wants Fridays.

I can also understand your frustration that the manager said compressed hours would be fine. But did he actually say that Friday off would be ok? When they had the initial chat, did your DH make it clear that he'd want Fridays off? The manager may have been thinking that he would have a chance to discuss the days with your DH. Of course, if he made it clear at the time, the manager is just a bit of an arse if he led him on to believe it would be ok (unless circumstances changed between that chat and the request).

I don't know all the facts, obviously, and I do really feel for you. But it sounds like they actually have a relatively decent reason at the heart of this. Even if you accept flexible working requests, most employers have a tipping point where you can't have anyone else that day.