Anyone regained confidence at work after losing it?

[BorderCollieMum]

I'm in a high responsibility job (medical) in a creaking system where I have limited control.

I've always been very conscientious and a bit perfectionisty, and fairly crap at delegating. Always tended towards the more anxious side.

I've had a difficult few months with assorted bad things happening that are beyond my control. With the result that I've now lost confidence in my abilities, doubt my decisions, and generally am an anxious, self-critical ball of stress. This is coming from me rather than anyone else.

I am seriously thinking of handing in my notice. I finally fessed up to my lovely and supportive line manager has talked me into taking some leave to de-stress and think about things before I make any drastic decisions.

I guess what I'm asking is... does anyone relate to this, and did your confidence ever come back? If so, suggestions would be grateful received.

Yes. I recognise a lot of your description, abs it left me feeling incapable, worried about what others thought, anxious to the point of uselessness because I just shut down and avoid everyone and everything.

I ended up walking out of work one lunchtime. I felt a massive wave of anxiety at my desk and went for a walk to clear my head. I started crying on my walk and in the end just walked to my car and drove home, leaving laptop etc all on the desk. I just couldn't go back in.

I took 6 weeks off, started antidepressants, CBT and went back on a phased return. It took a month or two before things improved drastically because it took two changes of antidepressants to find a good one. Once I had the right antidepressant abs the CBT started to validate some of my feelings and help me challenge others, the world looked brighter again. I am still in the same role in the same job two years later and I don't think my time away is remembered now. I love my job!

Seek medical help and engage with it. If you can get to a more positive place then you can properly evaluate whether this is a blip or whether you should leave your workplace. But don't chuck in your job while you're feeling anxious or bleak.

I've been through phases like this and I've found some of the following to be helpful:

1. If things have happened that are beyond your control, remind yourself of that: "this thing happened, but it was beyond my control. All I can control is my response to it."

1. Think of someone looking from the outside at your work. Would they think you have done all that you reasonably you could in the situation?

1. I've sometimes found it helpful to tell myself that if I'm really failing at my job, my boss will tell me and I'll get sacked! Sometimes that helps me keep things in perspective.

1. Is there someone at work you trust that you can talk to? When I've started to doubt my decisions, I sometimes chat to a colleague or my manager to check. If your manager is supportive, this might be something you could do. Doesn't have to be forever, just could be for getting over this phase

Thank you so much @HappyAsASandboy and @Woadicea - that is really helpful.

I feel very much as you did HappyAsASandboy. I have CBT lined up and am taking time off - planned at short notice as otherwise I think I will be walking out soon. It is good to hear you have stayed in your job and love it again. It gives me hope I might get there too - objectively it is a really good job with lovely colleagues. It's my reactions that have changed.

Woadicea - really helpful points. Thank you. No 4 is exactly what my manager suggested and it felt like a big relief, to know I don't have to make all the decisions alone.

Yeah I have. Mine was driven by anxiety in general, and literally hit breaking point one day, went to the walk-in in a right state and thought would just get signed off and id never work again. I didn’t get signed off, they gave me anti anxiety meds, booked on to cbt which was the best thing ever and things improved from there. It certainly didn’t happen overnight and was a gradual process but I’m 5 years on now and though I can relate to how I felt then, I know I’m better and have changed for the better too.

Colleague I work with also suffered a breakdown and ended up taking 6 months off with stress. They didn’t think they’d ever return. Again slow process, meds, cbt, came back on phased return and built up from there. Now fine and copes with stressful situations. They count their recovery as a major life achievement and are proud of it.

Good luck

Yes, I was in a job I hated and was bullied. The office was toxic because people weren't line managed properly. I couldn't sleep and function and keep up with the workload.

I changed workplace and found a job I really like and is more me. My confidence had been shaken though and it took a while to get it back:

Thank you @Mrsdoubtfireswig . I feel now like you did then. It gives me hope that you were able to recover and keep working.

@helloworkplaces I'm sorry to hear you went through that. My job is really stressful but it's the nature of the work rather than colleagues (I am lucky to have good ones, though everyone is so busy and stressed themselves there isn't much time to really support each other). I do feel my confidence is badly shaken.

I really feel for you and I understand completely!

I had this for years and was often in tears at work. It became a self fulfilling prophesy as little by little I was coping less well at work because it took so much energy to keep going. I kept feeling I had to constantly monitor myself in case I made mistakes, which was exhausting. Eventually I gradually stepped back from taking responsibility and began to tell myself it was because I never should have been doing the job in the first place (imposter syndrome) and began to think that I had early dementia as everything seemed a huge effort.

The pandemic meant that I got more sleep as I didn't have to commute. Gradually I started to take care of my physical health and began to think more clearly. Then I resigned. After that I started to apply for jobs which were, paradoxically, at a higher level. I started a new job recently and I found myself perfectly able to do it. I have energy, am clear headed and have completely got my mojo back.

Instead of berating yourself, start making your mental and physical health a top priority. If you are able to take a break then do it. After that, if you can possibly change then do it. You may find that you are actually able to cope with something 'better' or at least something that suits you better. I really think that I had kept going because I thought I had no choice, especially while the kids were little I felt I had to keep on the treadmill and just survive and get by. I think my subconscious was trying to tell me that I should get out of the job but I didn't feel I could trust myself. Listen to your inner voice!

Good luck!

Thank you @Horological - that's really helpful to read. Very similar situation with me.

I am having a week off (plenty of annual leave to use) and focusing on making mental / physical health my priority as you say. Ironically while none of my (health professional) colleagues have noticed a thing, a couple of my long-term patients have commented with concern that I'm not "looking well". Definite warning sign that I need to look after myself.

Hi OP :)

I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing now? In a very similar place right now.

Hello I saw this too and have been feeling like this too.
And I am freelance and it's not even a full time job

im in the same boat..taken me 3 years to build up my self belief/confidence that I can do a job that im now starting next month (social care)...following a med error a month ago I have now lost all faith in myself and im making more minor errors...its making me feel dreadful and damn stupid and I cry behind closed doors!!...I just cannot get myself back to where I was and it is crippling!!!..everyone keeps saying I am more than capable of doing the job but I just don't believe them and it's so hard now !!!...im totally stuck in this cycle of negative thought. x