Urgently need to find a way to start maternity leave early - what are my options?

[pecanpie]

I am 33 weeks pregnant. I recently had to dismiss my nanny and am coming to the end of the 2 weeks of emergency childcare which were workable. Things become a lot more complicated from next week when I have to juggle school runs (more than doubling the walking I have to do) and picking up hours at home in the evenings to make up for those I can't do while I'm in the office. Thinking rationally, I don't actually believe that this is going to work, despite help from DH where he is able to (he has a high pressure job and sometimes works out of town/country). I don't think I will get to work on time to do the shortened hours I have suggested (I am late to and from wok at the moment because of the walking I need to do) and I am too tired to pick up any work from home once DDs are in bed. This is a very late night for me, simply because I am trying to explore my options.

I have a medical problem due to the nature of which may (I really have no idea) have some effect on the baby. I haven't been able to seek medical attention for in the past 3 weeks because given the way the next 3 weeks will pan out, I haven't felt comfortable taking more time off work. I do work part time (3.5 days) but the remaining time has been taken up with religious commitments, medical appointments for DD1 and upcoming antenatal appointments (where I hope to solve the medical issue I am worried about - if a little late in the day). I am also just generally stressed because of the juggling at this stage of my pregnancy and because other hurdles keep constantly coming up.

I did ask my line manager if it was feasible for me to take maternity leave 3 weeks early, the 3 weeks coming up which I just don't believe are manageable physically, never mind stress wise. Her response was that my resource is needed until I was due to finish, hence my ridiculous plan to overdo things which really will not work/will end up with me being signed off for stress at the very least.

I have asked HR for a meeting, but would like to be prepared with solutions rather than problems. Am I entitled to start my leave early or will I just need to struggle through the next 3 weeks? Is my employer required to help me in any way other than providing flexible working?

I genuinely want to return to my job next year and don't want to appear unhelpful, lacking in commitment etc, but if I'd foreseen half of these problems, of course I would have planned in leave sooner...

Katiemiddleton has given clear advice here. It really does seem its the childcare which is the crucial issue here, and thats why you need to approach this carefully, as ultimately childcare is your issue to sort, not your employers. Also, as you work part time, I am another one who is a little confused as to why 'you cant fit in medical appointments and maybe even temporarily spread your work differently for the next 3 weeks.

There is a fair degree of flexibility in the workplace these days- eg being able to take parental leave when your children are little- HOWEVER these things come with certain conditions, such as giving appropriate notice. There is nothing worse for an employer than workers who suddenly let them down. Obviously crises can occur, but it sounds like this isn't a one off crisis so much as unsatisfactory childcare arrangements which you've been trying to juggle causing huge stress.

I agree with katiem- come clean with your employer ,but from a proactive pov, offering solutions as to how to get your work load completed before your next ML starts. Then the main thing- before returning to work next time, have childcare arrangements in place which are really strong. And then have back up. If you are looking at a nanny again, ask around for reputable agencies, check references and be prepared to pay a little more for absolute reliability. Pick someone who has a proven track record. Or use a nursery where you know they walk out or go off sick.

I am Jewish and we have a month of Jewish 'holidays' which fall on a Thursday and Friday and therefore I can't go to work or visit the doctor on these days. I have antenatal appointments this week on Thursday and Friday where there is no 'holiday' till Saturday. I don't expect you to understand this, but that's my situation.

I gave 3 weeks notice of what would be happening, requesting early maternity leave 3 weeks ago to start next week which was declined. It's not a month, granted, but I did try.

It is almost impossible to sort out full childcare cover for a limited period of time.

Childcare is not my only issue, it just exacerbates the situation - I don't sleep, I can't walk and my commute is doubled, I can't stand up for the 20 seconds it takes a lift to go up from the train platform/up to my floor at work without pain in my legs and feeling out of breath.

I am 100% committed to my job (which I love) and have done everything I can to fulfil my commitments, including taking unpaid days on days I can't get childcare cover for for one of my 2 children who have different needs because of their ages. They also need to be kept as settled as possible over the next few weeks and the arrangements in place take this into account.

I was not looking for sympathy, but equally I wasn't looking for finger pointing or 'recommendations' on how I can solve my childcare issues which have been thoroughly explored and I am doing my best - as is DH who is helping when he can by working from home on the odd day, but he can't be here if he's supposed to be in Europe or out of town. He is also taking time off for Jewish 'holidays' and at the rate he is taking holiday, he won't be able to take any paternity leave as he's not been in his job long enough for the entitlement. Great, now I've identified myself further in RL.

Yes, childcare is one issue, but regardless, I am struggling to keep my head above water. I was looking for any practical work related advice as this is an EMPLOYMENT ISSUES thread. I appreciate that my employer has no obligation to make things any easier than the flexibility they have granted - that's exactly what I wanted to clarify. It seems though as if I could perhaps have finished work 2 weeks early if I'd gone to HR if I had to give 4 weeks' notice. Thanks to the odd bit of useful information provided on an employer's opinion.

The remaining opinion on how it's all my fault because I obviously can't get my act together with childcare or be remotely flexible with work is frankly just upsetting me - this is the situation I am in and I have gone as far as physically possible to solve it given the million things I have to juggle on a day to day basis, which I gather you do a much better job of than I do and of course with this being Mumsnet, the fact I'm religious is just frankly preposterous. I don't need to share my daily childcare/which parent is where schedule with you to prove the detail to which the last 3 weeks and forthcoming 3 weeks have been organised to make this work.

Right, off to name change to Mother/Employee incompetent.

Hey! Calm down a bit.

Nobody is calling you incompetent. There just aren't any work based solutions to your situation other than being signed off sick. You are obviously under huge stress and that isn't good for you or for baby. If you won't get signed off then the only thing to do is refine your childcare plans and tbh yes a nanny alone isn't necessarily the best solution for somebody who needs 100% back up.

Regarding being signed off - you work in the real world, in the real world (not 'corporate world') people become unwell at short notice and their role has to be covered and the world keeps turning. Your rights as a pregnant employee are protected. You asked for maternity leave a few weeks ago and imo that request should not have been refused. You are doing everything you can but you cannot square this circle and tbh your exhaustion is showing in your latest post.

With regard to your religious commitments - posters only asked if those could be scaled back. They can't be, ok fine. Mumsnet works when people give you a new perspective on your situation. You can't attack people for trying that.

Take a breath.

You have had some fantastic advice from katiem, and in case you are not aware she does really know what she's talking about.

After your last post I'm leaning towards you going to the docs. You don't have to be signed off with stress, but you can still get signed off.

Can you not be signed off sick? It doesn't sound like you're well, and the health of your baby (and you, obviously) is paramount.

But please, get yourself some more childcare - you can get short-term, emergency help from any nanny agency, even if it's just for a day or two.

It also sounds like your line manager doesn't really understand that you are pregnant and about to go on maternity leave - she's treating you as if you go on holiday. Hopefully your HR department will be more realistic and understanding.

But please, don't insult people here because they have tried to help you.

And as for your religion/need to take time of for religious holidays - you insult us here by saying that we would deride/dismiss you for those. You may as well accuse us of being anti-semitic.

'I can't stand up for the 20 seconds it takes a lift to go up from the train platform/up to my floor at work without pain in my legs and feeling out of breath..'

Stop trying to be superwoman. Get signed off sick before you do yourself and the baby some harm. Simples

There is no need to be rude, people have only been trying to help.

Just to throw this into the ring - if you are able to do some work from home (I think you mentioned about catching up on missed working hours in the evening once you DD is in bed) - is there anyway you could spread your work out to include Saturday & Sunday, so you don't have to work on your holiday-days? If you can work a bit from home, this may suit your employer by ensuring that your work is covered up to your mat leave starting, and spread the load a bit? Also, perhaps working from home rather than having to commute may be an option?
don't know if this has already been suggested, but may help your employer, reduce your commuting time and also help with your exhaustion levels a bit - would your DH be around to cover childcare at the weekends, so that you can get on with your work then??

OP, you lost my sympathy when you mentioned "religious commitments".

Maybe you should reassess your priorities?

BecauseI'mworthit - re: And as for your religion/need to take time of for religious holidays - you insult us here by saying that we would deride/dismiss you for those.

Fair point. Sorry.

Alibaba - not meaning to be rude, just v stressed, exhausted etc and feel but equally I have found some opinion to be more on the critical side rather than constructive. I appreciate all constructive advice. I have also thoroughly thought out my options over and over again during the past 3 weeks and there are no opportunities to improve my work or childcare needs other than finding a way to finish working earlier.

My situation is, however, now resolved and the constructive advice given here really helped to inform my conversation with line manager and HR, so thanks to those who focussed on the work element.

Glad to hear it, when do you start your Mat leave now?

Are you happy with the result and agree it's realistic and workable?

Hope you are happy with the outcome. But please if you are not going to speak to your gp please speak to your mw.

Hope the outcome was good. I just came on to say that you don't sound fit to work if you're having problems standing etc. Hope you feel a bit better soon.

Hurrah! What solution did you reach?

Yes thank you katiem. Realistic and workable for everyone involved. Employer has been fantasticly supportive

I wasn't rude! I really thought I was helping, what did you get in the end, can you finish sooner?