Stood up to Sexist Remark [proud of my self emoticon]

[tabouleh]

I am on a Committee for the regional society for my profession.

There is an annual dinner, at said annual dinner the President gives a speech.

He started his speech with a "joke":

"don't worry my speech is going to be like a ladies skirt - short enough to be interesting but long enough to cover the subject matter"

Well,I was furious. There were lots more men in the room than women. My DH agreed that is was a) a crap joke and b) very inappropriate in this setting.

Well we had our committee meeting last week and I had been stewing over what to day/whether to say anything.

So at a formal meeting ~ 15 men round the table, me and 2 other women I went for it.

I basicaly said that in 2010 I found it wholly inappropriate that such a sexist remark be made in an official capacity and whilst I "knew" the president supported women in our profession/on our committee/indeed works with his wife in said profession, I needed to explain that language shapes attitides etc.

I found it very difficult and awkward but I did it (there was other feedback good and bad re the dinner etc).

The president sort of blustered away, muttered and spluttered a bit and started to say "good job you didn't here some of my other jokes I know such as" and then he got very strongly shouted down by other men at the meeting.

Lots of other men were nodding in agreement with me and several said "yes that was noted at our table".

I am really proud of myself and I want to thank the other feminist MNers because if it wasn't for all the debates/links/books etc I have recently discovered I would probably have shrugged it off.

I was also inspired by this blog - "Sop sexist Remarks - Changing One Coversation at a time". I have linked to it before but am doing so again in case it inspires anyone else.

Well done!

thanks for all your lovely comments

You kick ass. Brilliant.

Bloody well done, girl! It's so heartening - I'm seeing more and more of, not just my own friends, but certainly my daughters' friends just refusing to stay silent.

You're not alone - it's a rising tide.

Well done!

I am always disappointed in myself that I don't stand up to crap like this enough, you have inspired me to try harder.

I remember at my graduation dance we had a stand-up comedian making a speech. He made some joke about swiping his credit card "in a lapdancer's crack" I am pleased to say he got few laughs but many boos. Wish we had reported him, but it is far too long ago now.

and to think I was so proud of myself the other day, I sent my main course back and got a refund the other day

seriously though that's fantastic, well done OP!

I've only just seen this thread on the blog you linked to.

Well done, I'm sending you a virtual bouquet in the suffragette colours of purple, white and green for bravery and taking the battle forward.

OMG - I just looked at your comment Earthymama and went "eh? - this thread is on the blog I linked to?"

So I had a quick look at the blog and found a write up of this thread!

People are watching the MN Feminists! (It's all to do with linking and cross traffic between websites I think).

VERY well done! On a smaller scale, my mum and I were talking about a book I'd recommended to her (The Help by Kathryn Stockett). My dad knew what the book was about (black housemaids in the Deep South post-emancipation etc) and his contribution to the conversation was to snort and say: "that's a woman's book" in a derisory manner. I said: "No dad, it's a book about women, written by a woman, but it's a comment on a whole society, including men." He harrumphed and shut up :o)
Let's keep challenging!

In awe of you right now, Tabouleh! Wish I had the guts to speak up!!

Well done!!

Yay! tabouleh!
and Lio too!

Wow! Well done. Thats a great example. Hope I have the courage to follow it.

Have you ever been left shaking after something? I was today. I think I always am when I get shouted at by strangers in public. (shocking)
Today, I was in the petrol station, had finished filling up and reached in my car for my wallet and the white van next to me with two blokes in it whooped, beeped the horn and said 'nice bum' over their fucking speaker tannoy thing! I was mortified and shouted at them to go fuck themselves. I didn't realise i'd said it until I had and they loved it, were laughing and I feel shit! I always thought i'd say something better than that that belittled them or something but instead, I came away shaking at the confrontation and embarassment. Thanks lads.

Sorry ladies! Not a great example like tabs.

msrisotto, please don't feel bad, you didn't simper and smile.

That sort of attention is so unnerving and unwelcome. I'm sure someone here will come and give you some ideas of quickfire responses you can use in future.

I've entered the phase of life when women are invisible to young men in white vans and it's all so much easier.

Oh thats awful msrisotto! I know exactly what you mean. I realy hate that type of thing - misogynist pricks! And, might I add - pathetic too.

I'm not sure what the best thing to say actually is, maybe say nothing and look distainfully? Or ignore? I think I usually give a look as if I think there is something wrong with them and I can't quite believe they are that obnoxious. Kind of an 'are you really that ridiculous?' cold and mean Clint Eastwood stare. (At least that's what I imagine I'm doing - goodness knows what it actually looks like!)

It doesn't seem to get much reaction though! But then maybe that's a good thing.

They sound like a particularly nasty couple you came across though, using the tanoy ffs!

I think it was the audacity to broadcast it to everyone in the bloody area that got me. I've had comments in the past and my usual reaction is to turn my nose up at them like they are the vilest things I have laid my eyes upon. I like the degradation aspect of it, if that is what they're doing to me, i'll do it right back.

I'd have felt just as bad if I ignored them I think.

Yes, I think using the tanoy was a particularly nasty and unexpected way to do it.

Your reaction was aggressive and that is positive. They were probably taken aback even if they hid it. Might even make them think twice in future.

Someday they may grow up and cringe with embarassment at the type of thing they've done.

Not just the audacity, the scariness of letting you (and everyone else) know that you will be perceived in terms of fuckability no matter where you are or what you are doing. It's a power trip really.

Not sure what you can do about it really (sorry, see the "traps" thread) except maybe say "at least on me you can tell which end's which"

msrisotto - what a horrible thing

please, please don't put yourself down!

Remember in my example I had had a few weeks to prepare my remarks - and I spent quite some tiem doing so .

It's completely different if you are caught off guard and when it is a personal attack.

As women we must never feel as though we have to make some amazing response to such a remark.

I'm not sure what I would have said in that situation.

I'd need to spend some more time on the blog I linked to in my OP trying to "prepare" my ideal line.