The reluctant groom and other urban myths

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

I've been noticing something recently about stereotypes of women. What I've noticed is that in a sense, men are often projecting their own behaviour onto women.

One example - The myth that women are always pushing for commitment - moving in, marriage, babies etc - while men resist settling down. Neither I nor any of my old schoolfriends, colleagues, other friends have ever had this experience. In fact every single one of us has found the opposite - men hassling to set up home together, to get engaged or and to start a family. The women are usually the ones putting the brakes on.

There are a lot more - shoe-shopping for example. I have spent hours and hours in and out of shoe-shops with DP looking for that one special pair of trainers he wants that apparently is about as common as dandruff on William Hague. If I need shoes I will just spend half an hour scouring the shops til I find something that will do - job done.

Only mean this as a light-hearted thread really, but have you ever experienced this - when you think "and men say women are always doing XYZ?!"

Yes agree with all the above points. It seems as those these stereotypes/myths serve to try and exaggerate the differences between the sexes and lead to continued inequality.

It seems like society is always trying to pigeon-hole characteristics and likes/dislikes into separate genders.

I have spoken to my DH and we are going to try and make sure that DS sees me doing some of the typically "male" tasks - eg I have never mowed the lawn .

My Mum actually told me the other day that whem my brothers were about 4 and 5 - they walked past a house and a lady was mowing the lawn and they were flabbergasted "but Mummy - ladies don't mow lawns...."

I have mowed the lawn, and painted, and hung up pictures and drilled holes and put IKEA furniture together......

That's the thing about male/female tasks. In Japan they're all opposite.
Putting out the rubbish, fixing plugs, and doing furniture/shelves are women's jobs...
(or maybe that's coz anything to do with the house is a woman's job )

Oh, so true grapeandlemon! It's really weird when you think about the famous "romances" - so many of them are based on the "love at fist sight" thing. Boy sees girl, boy "loves" girl, boy spends rest of story trying to persuade girl that she loves him too. IME a man who decides he "loves" you after one kiss or one night or one chat* is a complete PITA. The myth of the "over-emotional woman" is a definite cover-up for this kind of male behaviour.

*That's right, one chat. He was at work and served me a cup of tea, we talked. Then got furious and accused me of "breaking his heart", in all seriousness, when i told him I had a boyfriend.

On a slightly related note, the myth that it's women who cannot separate sex and love. That would be blokes, then. Any time I or any of my female friends have ended up (for whatever reason) having sex with a friend "just for fun", it is the guy who gets emotionally overwrought and cannot accept that it's not a relationship, the woman may still be looking for an actual relationship with someone else etc.

My DP was, I would say, shocked to the core when I explained the reason why I had slept with someone (when younger) as being because I was lonely and thought it would be fun, rather than because I was in luuuurrrve.

On a slightly related note, the myth that it's women who cannot separate sex and love. That would be blokes, then. Any time I or any of my female friends have ended up (for whatever reason) having sex with a friend "just for fun", it is the guy who gets emotionally overwrought and cannot accept that it's not a relationship, the woman may still be looking for an actual relationship with someone else etc.

My DP was, I would say, shocked to the core when I explained the reason why I had slept with someone (when younger) as being because I was lonely and thought it would be fun, rather than because I was in luuuurrrve.

oops

E&M - the "love at first sight" thing can happen, albeit fairly rarely. I knew a lovely old couple who had been married for over 60 years - he had been a med student working his summer hols on the ferry, saw her on the boat and did the love at first sight thing, followed her taxi home on a borrowed bike (not creepy then), introduced himself properly, they got married when he qualified and stayed together happily until she died, over 60y later.

Also, I think it might be the case that your DP was more shocked that you didn't conform to the stereotype that women can't separate sex and love, than anything else. (But I don't know him so I could be wrong)

I agee, thumbwitch, but the crucial part has to be that both people are feeling it, doesn't it?

I thought that too, about stereotype of women, but he is a very sensitive soul (much more than me) and I'm now pretty sure he just couldn't understand the sex without love thing.

Thread seems to have moved to affairs of the heart but still...
Dh spends hours getting ready. It's a standing joke with friends now - they call if we are planning to meet up at a certain time and ask 'Is the bride ready yet?'!

And shopping, God... I go in, get what I want - choose from whatever's there and get out. And he spends hours and still comes out empty handed and has to go another day coz it wasn't quite what he wanted!

Map reading! He can't read it to the next street - it's me that gets us places.

and yup, he's sooo the logicalthinker, not

oh yep, "women can't read maps" - oh rrrrreally? Sometimes I feel like I'm slipping into a sterotype because DP does nearly all the driving. However the reason for this is that if I'm driving, he may be holding the map, he may have had it in his hand for the past hour, he may even ostensibly be looking at it. However if I ask him which side of the road the next turn-off is, or how far we are from X, or even which road we need for e.g. Bristol, he is utterly unable to tell me. The maddening part is, I'm better off driving alone because at least then I know I have to plan my route and write it down.

But then even when he is driving...it took us over an hour, yes, 60 whole minutes, to get out of a city recently, travelling a distance of around 1/2 a mile. This would be because despite my excellence in the map-reading field, he just decided to ignore me when I said things like " it's the second exit. not the first exit off the roundabout, the second!! NOT this one. NOOOoooooooo..."
Basically I need to gag him and buy a satnav.

Men fall asleep straight after sex while women just want to cuddle and talk. bleughh. My least favourite female stereotype

Annoying, I was about to comment and say "But men do fall straight asleep after sex" when I realised it was the second part of that cliché that annoys you
Same here, tbh.

I am much better at map reading than DP

He wanted to get married when I would have been perfectly happy to wait a couple of years at least.

I want to elope, he wants a big white wedding and is not backward about saying so

The myth:
"That men fancy very skinny women with no curves"
I reckon this one is misogynistic. The fashion industry (populated by male designers mostly) demand dangerously thin women but healthy men.

Actually I am the one who wants to go to sleep (and not be cuddled, I can't abide being touched when I want to sleep, have to have no contact) after sex, he always wants to snuggle and chat.

Ahem, the fashion industry is populated by gay male designers mostly. Don't blame us! Most straight blokes love curves...

actually, that is a good point UQD.

hhmmm, i think i may start another thread...........