Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

The aftermath of rape

33 replies

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 21/04/2010 13:33

This is a spinoff from the 'asking for it' thread. It was pretty clear to me that in all the focus on rape victims' behaviour before a rapist attacked them, very little is ever said or known about the effects afterward.

So feel free to add your experiences if you feel up to it, and if not hopefully a little bit of this will still be helpful. I know that when I started reading this stuff, years and years after I was raped, I was finally able to forgive myself for the way I reacted to the rape.

I don't know how much of this will resonate with other survivors, but these are the things I wish I'd known:

'Psychologic symptoms of rape are potentially the most prominent. In the short term, most patients experience fear, nightmares, sleep problems, anger, embarrassment, shame, guilt, or a combination. Immediately after an assault, patient behavior can range from talkativeness, tenseness, crying, and trembling to shock and disbelief with dispassion, quiescence, and smiling. The latter responses rarely indicate lack of concern; rather, they reflect avoidance reactions, physical exhaustion, or coping mechanisms that require control of emotion.'

--From here

There's a tendency to re-enact the situation:

Adult survivors are at great risk of further victimization due to elevated PTSD levels. They find themselves reinacting the abusive situation in relationships in order to overcome it. They also have a tendency to get involved in toxic, co-dependant relationships. Adults previously assaulted as a child are twice as likely to be assaulted as an adult.
here

Then there's always self-blame, as if everyone else wasn't keen enough to help us with that:

"1/ Behavioral self blame refers to victims' feelings that they should have done something differently, and therefore feel at fault.

2/ Characterological self blame is when victims feel there is something inherently wrong with them, causing them to deserve to be assaulted. This type of blame is associated with an increased amount of negative psychological effects on the victim."
(same link as above)

And while this is by no means an exhaustive list, the one that inspired the spin-off was promiscuity. Interestingly, I couldn't find a quick academic source on this, but I found loads and loads of anecdotal and less academic sources. Here's one

"Sexual dysfunction and promiscuity can occur in the aftermath of rape. Sexual dysfunction usually occurs if the victim views sex as synonymous with rape. If promiscuity occurs after a rape, it can be the most difficult for friends and family to understand, and it often gives them an excuse to disbelieve the woman's story."

OP posts:
ISNT · 12/08/2010 20:59

Hello botty and chyna

Please have a look at the other thread that's giong at the moment that I just linked to, Smile

gingerkirsty · 19/08/2010 22:31

I just want to say I am in awe of all the women posting here and on the other thread. Your bravery in posting about your experiences is fantastic.

chocolatestar · 20/08/2010 07:13

This is a great thread, I am finding it very validating. I had a sexually abusive relationship over ten years ago and it still really haunts me. I've been blocking it out for years now because I still feel terrible doubt and guilt over some of the things that happened and whether they count as rape. Reading this thread I can feel it all getting stirred up again.

Just to quickly add I also went through a promiscious stage, felt I had to just let people do what they wanted to me regardless of what I wanted myself.

Greatbigfatnamechange · 20/08/2010 07:33

I was a virgin when I was raped at a party when I was 15.

18 years later, I am quite passive and shy in bed, and I think this is definitely a result of what happened. I've only had five sexual partners and, though I was more adventurous, earlier on in my sexual life, I've gradually withdraw into myself and am now quite shy, despite being married to an amazing, understanding man for the last 5 years, and been with him for the last 9.

He's also quite shy about sex, and I think this has made us both worse.

I know we'll have to deal with it at some point Sad

chocolatestar · 20/08/2010 15:55

I am the same, very shy. I was also a virgin at the first incident. I don't feel that I have any idea of what my real sexuality actually is.

Anyone else really struggle with doubt about what happened? It's been 12 years and it is still my biggest issue.

BeatrixRotter · 25/08/2010 18:55

I know this is an old thread but HerBeatitude your post really stuck a chord with me. I was 15 when I was raped by a friend of a friend, who I then went out with for a month. I have always felt odd for doing that, but I guess it was a way of trying to cope.

Whilst I am spilling I may as well say the rest. I then got myself into 2 abusive relationships, one of which haunts me more than the rape, perhaps because he knew what had happened to me, was much older and basically used to try and coerce me into re-enacting various porn scenarios for him.

I'd say now these things are largely behind me. But for years I'd panic if I felt out of control during sex or foreplay. Now ~I have this weird thing where I have to concentrate to keep my mind on the act, otherwise I'll drift off and almost be somewhere else entirely.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 25/08/2010 19:07

Oh BR, so sorry :(

Catitainahatita · 30/08/2010 19:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread