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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Identifying other people as something they're not.

63 replies

Fatorthin · 16/03/2026 22:49

This happened to me recently, and I still feel disturbed by it. I landed in Accident and Emergency due to a health crisis that was very probably weight-related. I ended up being seen by a senior doctor - a consultant. In the discussion about what might have caused the health crisis, I said to the consultant that I realised that I was overweight... (in fact I'm well into the obese range and that is quite obvious to anyone who sees me, and of course to me). The consultant immediately interrupted me and told me that I was not overweight. They then repeated that. They even used the word "thin". I was speechless. When they told me that I was not overweight, I felt confused (it made no sense) and I also lost trust in that doctor. How can you trust somebody who says something so obviously untrue to you, especially when acknowledging that the obesity might well have caused or contributed to the health incident was so necessary? Where does the patient go from there? Afterwards, I started to wonder whether this was an extension of doctors being told to accept a patient's gender identity as fact. Have they now moved to accepting (or pretending to accept) everything a patient chooses to believe about themselves? And then gone from there to anticipating what a patient would like to believe about themselves?

OP posts:
Irkeddancer · 18/03/2026 15:04

Fatorthin · 18/03/2026 14:55

I was asking for thoughts on here because I don't know why the doctor said that to me. I could only speculate. As I've said, I told the doctor that I was aware that I was overweight, and that fact was in any event completely obvious. There is no possibility that the doctor didn't think that I was overweight. The likely but not certain cause of the incident is, as I already knew, weight-related. The doctor didn't mention that, no. At the end of the day they are not my GP, and no GP has ever suggested that I'm not overweight.

So they proposed no other alternative in the discussion of the cause of whatever brought you to a&e, they just called you thin and moved on. It you want people's thoughts on why they may have said this it's vet bizarre to not want to share what brought you to a&e or any further info about yourself, what are you expecting people to base their thoughts on?

Batties · 18/03/2026 15:07

It doesn't make sense that you're in A&E with a condition that you say is related to being overweight because in treating that s/he would have had to address your weight.

Are you comfortable telling us what the condition is that is caused by being overweight?

Fatorthin · 18/03/2026 15:24

I think you have the info you need, to be honest. I've been referred back to my GP. I know the relevance of weight to the likely cause of the medical incident and I'm confident that my GP does too. The hospital doctor not telling me that the incident was likely weight-related and not agreeing with me that I am overweight is not affecting my treatment. What worries me is simply that a doctor doesn't want to be upfront even in just agreeing with a patient that the patient is overweight. I think that being honest about things is really important in an NHS context. It left me feeling disoriented and having lost trust in a service which surely depends on trust. I suppose it's possible that the doctor was simply being sarcastic, but that would be unprofessional and likely to confuse stupid people like me who might not recognise sarcasm, especially in the difficult context of being in A and E. I doubt it was sarcasm.

OP posts:
Irkeddancer · 18/03/2026 15:35

Fatorthin · 18/03/2026 15:24

I think you have the info you need, to be honest. I've been referred back to my GP. I know the relevance of weight to the likely cause of the medical incident and I'm confident that my GP does too. The hospital doctor not telling me that the incident was likely weight-related and not agreeing with me that I am overweight is not affecting my treatment. What worries me is simply that a doctor doesn't want to be upfront even in just agreeing with a patient that the patient is overweight. I think that being honest about things is really important in an NHS context. It left me feeling disoriented and having lost trust in a service which surely depends on trust. I suppose it's possible that the doctor was simply being sarcastic, but that would be unprofessional and likely to confuse stupid people like me who might not recognise sarcasm, especially in the difficult context of being in A and E. I doubt it was sarcasm.

I disagree tbh, given how absurd you make it sound it's perfectly possible the doctor could have said it isn't weight related because "even if you were thin" blah blah and you misheard. None of us can have any thoughts on why they might have said this if you don't even want to share an inkling of why you were in a&e or what else the doctor said could have caused your condition. Given th complete lack of info I'm not inclined to believe a vet busy a&e doctor had the time to have a non-discussion with you, call you thin (not even a healthy weight) or be sarcastic with you.

Batties · 18/03/2026 15:37

Okay OP, as the pp just said. None of us can give you advice based on the information you have provided so I’ll leave you to it. I wish you well.

ETA: I’m not saying you have some kind of obligation to give us more details. Just that there are so many holes it’s impossible to advise

Soontobe60 · 19/03/2026 07:23

MaxandMaggie · 17/03/2026 22:46

I heard a doctor on the radio correcting a interviewer recently. When the interviewer said something like 'the person is obese' he was corrected to 'the person has obesity'. He went on to use the qualifier that you wouldn't say 'a person is cancer'. It's to.do with the recognition of obesity as a disease. Could you experience of language policing be along the same vein?

Should you say ‘a person has tallness’, ‘a person has old ageness’?
Obesity is a physical state of being that results in the potential for lots of diseases to become present. Many people can be obese and have a very healthy, long life. Many people can not be obese and have the diseases that are linked to being obese.

Manxexile · 19/03/2026 21:56

Fatorthin · 18/03/2026 15:24

I think you have the info you need, to be honest. I've been referred back to my GP. I know the relevance of weight to the likely cause of the medical incident and I'm confident that my GP does too. The hospital doctor not telling me that the incident was likely weight-related and not agreeing with me that I am overweight is not affecting my treatment. What worries me is simply that a doctor doesn't want to be upfront even in just agreeing with a patient that the patient is overweight. I think that being honest about things is really important in an NHS context. It left me feeling disoriented and having lost trust in a service which surely depends on trust. I suppose it's possible that the doctor was simply being sarcastic, but that would be unprofessional and likely to confuse stupid people like me who might not recognise sarcasm, especially in the difficult context of being in A and E. I doubt it was sarcasm.

I'm a retired NHS manager.

I suggest you make a formal complaint about the doctor as what he (or she) told you is baffling.

Telling you something that is patently untrue could be a sign of other problems potentially affecting their fitness to practise.

OnGoldenPond · 20/03/2026 10:34

Batties · 16/03/2026 23:59

I think the fact that the OP wouldn’t even tell us their height/weight means there’s likely to be something like that going on.

The OP told us they have a BMI of 40. Objectively, that is well into the obese range. Not sure calling them a liar is very helpful. Doctors do say bizarre things sometimes. Though I’m not convinced about the identity theory to explain this one.

Many moons ago when I was a young student the GP at the university health centre declared that I was massively overweight and she couldn’t treat me until I had lost at least 3 stone. I was about 9 stone at 5’6” at the time so she wanted me to get down to 6 stone! Shock. Nothing would persuade her out of this stance and she chucked me out of her consulting room. I could only conclude she was battling anorexia herself.

OnGoldenPond · 20/03/2026 10:40

Soontobe60 · 19/03/2026 07:23

Should you say ‘a person has tallness’, ‘a person has old ageness’?
Obesity is a physical state of being that results in the potential for lots of diseases to become present. Many people can be obese and have a very healthy, long life. Many people can not be obese and have the diseases that are linked to being obese.

Grammar clearly wasn’t this doctor’s strong point. Obese is an adjective and was used entirely correctly. Cancer is a noun and so wouldn’t be used in the same way. Obesity is the equivalent noun. Maybe best he sticks to science and leaves the literary world alone! Grin

MaxandMaggie · 24/03/2026 18:31

Soontobe60 · 19/03/2026 07:23

Should you say ‘a person has tallness’, ‘a person has old ageness’?
Obesity is a physical state of being that results in the potential for lots of diseases to become present. Many people can be obese and have a very healthy, long life. Many people can not be obese and have the diseases that are linked to being obese.

Sorry only seeing this now. Obesity is now being reclassified as a disease in its own right. The doctor was Professor Donal O'Shea, the leading endocrinologist and HSE Clinical Lead for Obesity in Ireland. Based at St. Vincent’s University Hospital/St Columcille’s Hospital, he directs a multi-disciplinary obesity service.

BillieWiper · 24/03/2026 18:36

If you've a BMI of 40 I cant imagine you look thin?

Did he not weigh you?

The only explanation is you somehow misheard the word 'thin'? It was a misunderstanding?.Did he have a strong accent, did he mumble or speak too quickly? Could he have said 'think' or something?

I'm sorry I just can't see why they'd say that. So I'm grasping at straws.

I hope you recover swiftly. And hopefully if you see that doctor again maybe just ask if he definitely did call you thin? Though I'd be hoping to see someone else if he seemingly says such nonsensical things.

MaxandMaggie · 24/03/2026 18:37

OnGoldenPond · 20/03/2026 10:40

Grammar clearly wasn’t this doctor’s strong point. Obese is an adjective and was used entirely correctly. Cancer is a noun and so wouldn’t be used in the same way. Obesity is the equivalent noun. Maybe best he sticks to science and leaves the literary world alone! Grin

I think his point was that 'obese' shouldn't be an adjective.

OnGoldenPond · 24/03/2026 19:31

MaxandMaggie · 24/03/2026 18:37

I think his point was that 'obese' shouldn't be an adjective.

Well his point was wrong then. Obese objectively IS an adjective. The noun would be obesity.

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