11yo "transitioning" advice

[simpletask]

I have a close friend whose 11yo daughter decided recently that they were unsure of their gender and would now be referred to as "they". Within the space of a few weeks this had changed and the child has a male name and referred to as he/him.
The child has spoken to me about binding and is also into the "furry" culture.

The child has a diagnosis of asd.

I have spoken to my friend about the risks of over affirming but the affirmation is getting stronger. School has changed the child's name and using preferred pronouns.

I'm so very concerned that this child is exposed to a world where she even knows what binding is and I worry about the path she is on where everyone around her is affirming this new gender. I worry about what will happen when she starts her periods.

Where would you start in speaking to this friend?

I also have a child the same age, and she does not understand this sudden change at all so I'm also seeking advice on how to address this with my own daughter.

It's the way she's phrased it.

There is a limit to what she can actually do.

Furries is a sex kink where people dress up in full mascot style animal costumes and have sex whilst in costume and get sexual thrills from defecating into nappies inside the costumes. It should not be happening in public and is completely seperate from the current trend of teens wearing animal ears and tails. Which is more like an emo/goth accessory for most and for some is a bit weirder (see therians) but mostly harmless. Your friends daughter is probably doing the second one but needs to be aware of people using this to draw underage children into the first catagory.

I do get this, and perhaps my posting is just a way of me doing "something" as I'm feeling so powerless to help. My friend won't read things I send her, she doesn't want to hear anything opposing to her views and I get that means I'm very limited in how I can support. I am invested because she's a friend and I care but will inevitably be the one she leans on to help pick up the pieces if and when things fall apart. I'm also sad for my daughter who is losing this friend, I know that's inevitable as they grow older and interests change but they seem so "othered" clinging to every diagnosis or label like it'll fix things. Its not my circus and I truly do know I am limited in how much I can really do....its just very sad that that's the reality.

Been there. There's literally nothing you can do in these situations. That's what hurts because you can see the harms being done.

In all honesty for your own sanity you might be better stepping back completely for your own well being rather than feel witness to the harm being done and then somehow complicit.

This is ultimately how I feel about it. Instead I talk on here about the wider issue and talk to others who DO listen in the hope that it forces the whole infrastructure on which this ideology is rigged to collapse.

I think realising you can't save individuals but perhaps you can work towards changing the landscape and therefore helping others before they get to that stage is a more constructive and productive thing you CAN do.

Honestly I can't just go along with this stuff and staying in contact with this family is going to require you to affirm at some level or they will just fall out with you anyway. I wouldn't feel comfortable being part of the problem - hence why I stress looking for solutions and alternative ways to help indirectly might be the limit of what you can do in a positive fashion.

Why wouldn’t you just explain factually to your own DD about what is going on? My DD is 11 and knows quite a bit about trans people and is also aware of the concept of furries.

Given the world they’re growing up in, it’s important they’re well educated on these topics. It’s not contagious or like she’ll ’catch it’ through education on the topic.

in fact, my Dd has a close friend in her class at school who has decided she wants to be a boy. My daughter knows her friend is biologically a girl but can be sympathetic to her feelings. It’s not rubbed off on her 😂 my Dd is still a very ‘girly girl’ and is happy with who she is. It doesn’t stop her being a good friend to her friend who is struggling with this. If anything it’s made her more caring and understanding.

and as for furries - she knows quite a bit about this but finds it all really weird and a bit funny. She thinks it’s nuts and will have a laugh about it so it’s not like her understanding that they exist has negatively impacted her. In fact she formed her own view on it completely independently

Ds is 11 and we've had a conversation (started by him) about sex and gender and hormones this week.

Absolutely you can talk to your own kids about this on your own terms. Don't let others get in there first with misinformation.

I don’t know how different this is in different areas but my 11 yo DD has been having 2 years of sex education at school. It quite detailed in terms of sex and hormones etc.
The discussion about transgender was touched upon briefly but not in much detail at all

it's not like it's contagious
Social contagion is a thing

I'm not shying away from any conversation, but my daughter has gone from having a female friend to a male one in the space of a few weeks. The approach we take is factual and pragmatic. The pace at which this has happened and been affirmed and endorsed had led to confusion. I'm very happy and able to have the conversations but I mention it because it's a factor in how I'm approaching this with my friend.

I still say it’s none of your business. But if you are really concerned, report to SS to assess.

You set it has happened quickly but their mother well have been aware of issues for some time and not shared with you,

Social contagion is very much a thing.

Although the wave/trend is passing, so now we are more likely to see the more dysfunctional families presenting as 'trans'.

This.
My teenager has been told from a young age that there are two sexes and you can’t change your sex. She’s always known this and as a result finds the idea of trans utterly baffling. Parents are a huge part of the problem when they try to normalise transgender ideology. There’s a social contagion with this that when coupled with affirming parents creates a toxic dangerous mix.