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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Pronouns trump disability

35 replies

Gettingbysomehow · 06/11/2025 12:32

I've been sent on a course at one of the universities, I train students in the NHS.
This morning at the crack of dawn I drove two and a half hours just to find there were no available disabled parking spaces.
Nobody could help me and said I'd have to park in an overflow carpark 15 minutes walk away. I can't walk that far on crutches.
There was no information whatsoever in the course information pack about disabled access or disabled parking.
As a result I had no access to the university and had to drive home again, so I have emailed requesting my course fee and 5 hour round trip petrol fees to be reimbursed.
I went through the course information pack again once I got home, no mention of disabled access whatsoever.
We had been asked for our lunch preferences and whether we had any allergies.
We were asked for our pronouns and there there were two full pages of guff on why pronouns are important to us...two full pages!! Accompanied by jolly photos of students with pink and blue hair.
Yet the disabled person is forced to go home because there is no access information - and no available parking spaces, we were not asked to specify disability beforehand. I need to park right outside the university.
Im absolutely hopping mad that when I got there they could find nothing for me.
I drove round every car park looking for a space but there was nothing within my walking distance ability.
Im absolutely disgusted. Why the hell do I need to read two pages of pronouns information?

OP posts:
CassOle · 06/11/2025 12:50

I'm sorry this happened to you.

Unfortunately, it is also my experience that 'identity' trumps everything - including severe physical disability - for the 'be kinders' and their awful oppression triangle.

Helleofabore · 06/11/2025 13:24

I am sorry that you had this happen. Good luck with your complaint.

LongOutBreath · 06/11/2025 13:50

It's because providing genuine inclusivity and accessibility (of women; disabled people; BAME people) necessarily disrupts the status quo and means privileged people might have to make space or actually do something.

Pronouns on badges and in emails, natty little posters in the loos telling special men they can go wherever they like: easy peasy! The organisation gets the warm glow of satisfaction from being on the right side of history; progressive; the good guys, and the able bodied white men in charge don't have to lift a finger or lose out in any way whatsoever.

Overthemhills · 06/11/2025 14:44

It’s so ingrained it’s insane - my daughter is disabled and nonverbal (plus about the understanding of a 1.5 year old). I frequently struggle to find disabled parking spaces so I sympathise with you on that front but I was less amused when social services were taking details (to get her on the children with disabilities radar) and asked me if she identified as female. I just looked at them without even trying to answer: their response was “I’ll presume she does”.
One of the very many gripes I have with this kind of trend is precisely how ablest it is - but that’s off the point you are making OP.
Good luck with your complaint!

Gettingbysomehow · 06/11/2025 15:37

Overthemhills · 06/11/2025 14:44

It’s so ingrained it’s insane - my daughter is disabled and nonverbal (plus about the understanding of a 1.5 year old). I frequently struggle to find disabled parking spaces so I sympathise with you on that front but I was less amused when social services were taking details (to get her on the children with disabilities radar) and asked me if she identified as female. I just looked at them without even trying to answer: their response was “I’ll presume she does”.
One of the very many gripes I have with this kind of trend is precisely how ablest it is - but that’s off the point you are making OP.
Good luck with your complaint!

Good grief, its unbelievable isnt it.🙄

OP posts:
soupycustard · 06/11/2025 16:55

LongOutBreath · 06/11/2025 13:50

It's because providing genuine inclusivity and accessibility (of women; disabled people; BAME people) necessarily disrupts the status quo and means privileged people might have to make space or actually do something.

Pronouns on badges and in emails, natty little posters in the loos telling special men they can go wherever they like: easy peasy! The organisation gets the warm glow of satisfaction from being on the right side of history; progressive; the good guys, and the able bodied white men in charge don't have to lift a finger or lose out in any way whatsoever.

This really goes to the heart of the matter. EDI has been totally misused. It requires some time, effort and money to help provide many sections of society with equal access. It needs nothing but stupidity, misogyny and performative 'progressiveness' to gives males even more rights than they already have.

MrsOvertonsWindow · 06/11/2025 17:40

Please let us know OP what the response is? It's an unbelievably distorted set of principles but as the NHS repeatedly demonstrates - it's not really fit for purpose any more.

Gettingbysomehow · 06/11/2025 18:09

I will thanks. Im looking forward to their response. I asked why it was necessary to envlose 2 pages of pronouns information and no information about disabled access.

OP posts:
EdithStourton · 06/11/2025 19:31

I'm so sorry this happened, OP.

I suspect that these skewed priorities are because the pronoun stuff is cheap, whereas dealing with accessibility costs £££. So they can get their cool points with photos of pink- and blue-haired students and a few 'she/her' badges, and not have to worry about pesky stuff like marked parking bays, ramps and lifts which requires more thought and more money. And are less cool.

IwantToRetire · 06/11/2025 20:16

You have grounds for a formal complaint of disability discrimination.

This is ages old. Long before the gender issue disability accessibility is never dealt with.

Which ever university it is is not fulfilling its role.

If the NHS is your employer (or have I misunderstood?) has asked you to attend this course, they too should complain.

This issue is so important, and even though this is FWR (sex and gender) would just focus on this outrageous, unprofessional, exclusionary service.

Hard to believe, because most places now, or when booking online or completing forms have a section asking do you need any special services to be able to participate.

Its rife throughout society.

People in wheel chairs left stranded on planes and trains.

There's probably a better resource than this, but you could look at https://www.disabilityrightsuk.org/resources/making-complaint

And absolutely whoever sent you on the course should also make a really strong complaint.

FranticSemantics · 07/11/2025 08:44

I hate to say this and I support you completely but the Uni will say that they have met their requirements by providing disabled parking bays. There is also a government-mandated ratio of disabled to non-disabled parking bays per car park which they might have met. I completely support you making a formal complaint but sadly, I wouldn't expect much physical change.

Their pronouns pages can get in the bin though and I hope you can shame them into providing more accessibility information.

AstonsGerbil · 07/11/2025 08:58

This is shocking and I'm so sorry this happened to you @Gettingbysomehow

I've not had to deal with social services yet for my non-verbal disabled little boy but in filling out various forms I totally get the rage when they ask for "what gender your child identifies with". He cannot speak, toilet himself and is a safety, and flight risk to himself. I can't express my disdain on a form and I'm worried about any written complaint about the questions on a form will work out worse for him.

So I grit my teeth, seethe and tick "male". One day maybe I'll crack and tick "other" then "please specify" and in the open box tell them exactly how fucking insulting they are being by asking this stupid nonsense question, but we need the funding and the official support for him.

Disability is just completely disregarded in favour of virtual signalling and it's so frustrating. I feel your pain op, it's horrible and I do hope you get somewhere with your complaint. X

Nomorebullshitnotavailable · 07/11/2025 09:05

Overthemhills · 06/11/2025 14:44

It’s so ingrained it’s insane - my daughter is disabled and nonverbal (plus about the understanding of a 1.5 year old). I frequently struggle to find disabled parking spaces so I sympathise with you on that front but I was less amused when social services were taking details (to get her on the children with disabilities radar) and asked me if she identified as female. I just looked at them without even trying to answer: their response was “I’ll presume she does”.
One of the very many gripes I have with this kind of trend is precisely how ablest it is - but that’s off the point you are making OP.
Good luck with your complaint!

Yes I had a similar experience. The council, as part of gathering information for my daughter’s EHCP, asked her specialist nursery whether she identified with her “assigned sex at birth”. A non verbal 3 (at the time) year old with developmental delays. I put in a formal complaint to the council and they removed the question from the form (or so they tell me!).

PrizedPickledPopcorn · 07/11/2025 09:06

I’m really sorry you had to experience this. It’s appalling.
I organise events and always specify disabled parking by request.
Not ideal, but basically there is no formal parking, but we can use cones and keep areas clear when needed.

Beowulfa · 07/11/2025 09:10

Gettingbysomehow · 06/11/2025 18:09

I will thanks. Im looking forward to their response. I asked why it was necessary to envlose 2 pages of pronouns information and no information about disabled access.

Quote the stats for % of the population with a disability vs % identifying as trans in the latest census and ask how they factored this in.

I have encountered a related issue in my workplace (I can book a generic space for a disabled visitor, but the parking team don't have a system for reserving a specific bay nearest the building they are visiting). I am pursuing it.

mamagogo1 · 07/11/2025 09:16

Whenever I run courses or host events I ask people to let me know access or dietary requirements in advance, I dont put things on forms, I trust people can read it and email me their specific information.

in the case of the training it sounds like the disabled parking was full, in which case I would have issues too - there’s on street parking here with yellow line badge holders can use but i can’t reserve them as public. I would establish who owns the parking before putting in a complaint

JohnBullshit · 07/11/2025 09:18

That is fucking dreadful. However. I would focus my complaint on pointing out that diversity is, well, diverse. I've found that people, institutions, workplaces, etc have a habit of focusing on their own pet model of 'awareness' to the exclusion of everything else, and it's frequently gender identity or (less frequently of late) race that gets top billing. Disability is very much the poor relation. Given the clear signalling of their priorities, it probably won't do you any favours to point out that you think they're ridiculous.

BunfightBetty · 07/11/2025 09:26

How dreadful, you must be hopping mad, OP. Disability has always been at the bottom of the equality pile in the de facto hierarchy that doesn't exist in the law but does in reality. The gender woo woo has made this all the starker, though, as it's now all that anyone obsesses over. As others have said, organisations get woke cookies, a smug feeling of virtuous superiority and it's way cheaper than actually providing real access.

Please let us know their response.

OneCraftyMentor · 07/11/2025 09:50

That's awful OP, a university should absolutely have sufficient disabled parking spaces right outside. It's not rocket science it's basic common sense! Good luck with your complaint.

TempestTost · 07/11/2025 11:04

soupycustard · 06/11/2025 16:55

This really goes to the heart of the matter. EDI has been totally misused. It requires some time, effort and money to help provide many sections of society with equal access. It needs nothing but stupidity, misogyny and performative 'progressiveness' to gives males even more rights than they already have.

I wonder how much is to do with a kind of impatience?

One thing about accessibility issues - they can be darn hard to achieve, can vary really widely between individuals, and in some cases it's impossible to make accommodation. But they are usually pretty immediate, it's possible to see the shape of what accommodation would look like. It's just hard.

With issues like race, or sex, often the problems are more opaque, and there is no way for, say, a school to address them. They are socially wide issues, that miht take generations to change. Or cultural issues in some cases that people might not want to change, or patterns around physiological issues that again, people might not want to change. So also, tricky, and long term.

With the LGBT stuff, it's all pretty simple. Just say, now we are inclusive. There is nothing actually restricting a gay man, or a trans identifying female, from holding down the same jobs as everyone else. They aren't more or less likely to have worse educational opportunities, or to make choices around reproduction, or anything else like that. They are essentially like everyone else in every way that is important in terms of employment.

EDI, in my experience, is a shallow way of thinking about equality, and so it likes easy answers.

IwantToRetire · 07/11/2025 17:55

One thing about accessibility issues - they can be darn hard to achieve, can vary really widely between individuals, and in some cases it's impossible to make accommodation. But they are usually pretty immediate, it's possible to see the shape of what accommodation would look like. It's just hard.

I think this does play a part and given that there are a range of disabilities, hard for an organisation to have planned for each one.

But also, in terms of recognition, and hate to say this status, I suspect disability is not an issue that many people care about as it doesn't have (I have to say it) a social status.

But even so, long before trendy for recent EDI, disabililty acess has been an issue, and incomprehensible that a University would not know it is part of their obligations. Not just those who provide services within the University, but those teaching there.

And also showing how so called requirements, ie x number of disabled parking spaces per y number of total spaces. ie should the x number be exceeded by those wanting to attend they dont have a right.

And of course, the infamous phase, reasonable adjustments.

Gettingbysomehow · 08/11/2025 12:14

Still at least I know what ze/zir means now 🙄 that will really help me train my students.

OP posts:
Tessasanderson · 11/11/2025 16:40

Whilst i fully accept that they seem to have their priorities wrong, did you forget you were disabled before you set off? Why didnt you check what disabled parking they had yourself? Disabled parking can be limited even when provided.

A quick phone call or email before may have given you all the answers (Without a guarantee of a space). Maybe they would have offered you parking elsewhere which they could guarentee.

This situation has got nothing to do with pronouns etc. Its to do communication.....both ways

Gettingbysomehow · 11/11/2025 16:49

Tessasanderson · 11/11/2025 16:40

Whilst i fully accept that they seem to have their priorities wrong, did you forget you were disabled before you set off? Why didnt you check what disabled parking they had yourself? Disabled parking can be limited even when provided.

A quick phone call or email before may have given you all the answers (Without a guarantee of a space). Maybe they would have offered you parking elsewhere which they could guarentee.

This situation has got nothing to do with pronouns etc. Its to do communication.....both ways

I did all of those things Im not a complete idiot. I've been working for more than 45 years. I know what to do. They assumed I could do a long walk which I can't. I said I needed a space right outside, I didn't get one.
Are you the pronoun police it sounds like it.
Personally I would have found disability info more useful than 2 pages of navel gazing crap which is exactly what it is.

OP posts:
whatsit84 · 11/11/2025 16:52

This is really bad! We have a short outlook form for all courses, where you can put in access requirements etc. no mention of pronouns. Private sector though…..