Gender clinic backs off after family successfully challenges direct contact with adult daughter

[BonfireLady]

I don't think there is a thread on this article yet. Please do correct me if I'm wrong and I'll delete this one.

This feels like a HUGE watershed moment for parents of vulnerable teenage children and young adults.

The preamble

There are plenty of threads on here which cover how children are being pulled towards believing that they may have a gender identity that differs from their sex. Most of this seems to happen in schools, where the influence of what they're seeing online becomes consolidated by staff Being Kind - and parents are then encouraged to embrace their child's new identity... and potentially reported to Children's Services if they don't.

The net effect is that many of these children enter legal adulthood believing that their concerned parents want to do them harm - by denying their authentic selves - and, from the age of 18, they have the autonomy to make decisions that they may not fully understand. In fact, it's earlier because cross-sex hormones are available from 16 in the UK.

This applies to autistic children and young adults too, despite the obvious red flags that you'd hope would be picked up by Educational Psychologists, Speech and Language Therapists and Occupational Therapists regarding how autistic children might experience the physical and emotional changes in puberty as distressing and confusing. However, we know that autistic children and young adults are being failed here. So all hope is lost right....? They get to 18 and they're straight into the gender clinics getting "treatments"....?

The achievement

No! All hope is not lost. Here is the incredible story of how a family of an adult was able to get the gender clinic to back off. The logical conclusion is that the clinic was fearful of future litigation. Good 💪

https://www.pittparents.com/p/the-girl-in-the-tinkerbell-dress?r=n5nv9&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

This has the potential to stop clinics from beginning a "gender affirming care" treatment pathway for vulnerable young adults. But it also has the potential to get them to back away even once care has started.

Here is a link to the survey that is referenced in the article:

https://genspect.org/resources/gender-dysphoria-support-tool/

Obviously it doesn't end for families when the clinic backs off - young people are still distressed and need support. But it's a significant step forward if that young person can't access irreversible medical interventions while they work through their distress.

@BonfireLady, thank you so much for this. Am somewhat teary reading it - too much familiar in that story.

But what a great family and a fantastic resource they were signposted to (and are signposting others to).

That's such a moving piece. Thanks @BonfireLady

It offers a bit of hope for families caught up in this nightmare, desperately trying to safeguard their vulnerable children.

Edited to add: I had intended to quote @TwoLoonsAndASprout

❤️💐💪

I think there are many who will feel as you do. My daughter is still at significant risk of becoming gender questioning again. I've not posted the latest info but the pressure to believe that she might have a gendered soul that differs from her sex is ramping up at school. Just as I expected, it's been a gamechanger (not in a good way) that a female who identifies as a boy joined the autism unit (Resourced Provision) at her school. I won't derail my own thread with more on that but suffice to say, I felt teary too on reading this.

Hopefully word will spread about what this family has achieved - and about the resource that enabled them to do it. Their story adds the human layer that explains the value of this resource.

Oh @BonfireLady, I am really sorry to hear that. It feels like you need to be in a state of constant vigilance, doesn’t it? So exhausting and overwhelming. And frankly fuck these schools that push/allow this to be pushed on vulnerable kids. I hope you have a good support system. Sending hugs.

I have noticed this article too, thanks for posting. I have read so much on this topic that like other parents in a similar position I feel like I should have a PhD on Sex and Gender by now. Sometimes I think my own mental health would benefit from not knowing or reading quite as much as I do about the harms. However this article has huge practical benefit and I’m glad I’ve read it and not missed it. The survey is on my todo list after a formal complaint to school. Fingers crossed.

I tag all my website Bookmarks (Favourites) and started adding the tag "winning" in August last year.

It felt a bit over-optimistic when I added the first one, like, would it be worthwhile bothering?

That first one was a Newspaper report that Pornhub, YouPorn and Xhamster were set to be shut down in Germany. There are obviously other things that I could have tagged "winning" a lot earlier, starting with the Forstater judgement.

This PITT article is my 40th to be tagged "winning" and the hits do seem to be coming more frequently. It did bring a tear to my eye reading that story. So much heartbreak and such a hard slog to get there - but they won! And have passed on tips to help other families win too! ❤️ 💪 🥳

Surely the clinic should be investigated for malpractice??

This was my first reaction too. I hope they have been reported to the Care Quality Commission. It makes my blood boil that gender clinics can get away with this.
Thank you for highlighting this OP and solidarity to all in the same boat, myself included, watching and waiting and praying that doctors will do no harm in the meantime.

Such good news. I hope your DD stays clear Bonfire and I know exactly what you mean. My ASD DD18 was into this a few years ago. She’s on the fringes now (and significantly healthier) but I always worry that it wouldn’t take much to pull her back in. So good to see something like this which shows clinics what they should be doing.

Hi this article is about my daughter. Thanks BonfireLady for posting it. Its hard to feel like it's a victory when we still have a confused, struggling teenager with a long road ahead of her. There are so many stories which are eerily similar and if this can help even just one family then it is worth sharing. One of the biggest problems for families like us as there just isn't any non-affirming support available and it's hard to stand your ground when it feels like the rest of the world thinks you're wrong.

@allcatsaregrey, you’re among friends here - this little part of the world, at least, doesn’t think you’re wrong.

Thank you for posting @allcatsaregrey . I understand that it must be a really lonely place to be - but there's an army of women and men - parents and non parents - who are fully behind you and understand how appallingly you and your DD have been treated,

I'm sorry if this is obvious or that I missed it - how did the young person get the money to attend this private clinic at 17ish?

Waterside pricing page: As a rule of thumb, you should budget for three one-hour appointments. For example, two appointments with one of our doctors (£415 each) and one psychiatric/psychological assessment (fees starting from £415, although subject to change) i.e. minimum of £1,200. If you receive any hormones from Waterside Clinic, there will be an additional cost for these.

ETA this story is trully appalling and I hope this helps other families fight their way out of this

@allcatsaregrey I can't thank you enough for putting this article together and helping others when you're probably completely exhausted from your own family struggle.

@allcatsaregrey I wanted to say thank you you for posting too. My ASD DC20 went to a gender clinic with our knowledge, but against our advice. They told us that they would go to gender GP if we did not support this appointment. Our private psychiatrist told us that as our child had pre-existing mental health conditions and was diagnosed with autism that they would be unlikely to be prescribed hormones at this stage. I felt this was very unlikely from what I had read online, but felt that I had no choice as I had read even worse things about GenderGP. My worst fears were realised and the clinic recommended gender affirming care and referred to their endocrinology clinic. The report that I sent from the psychiatrist which talked ASD and about the trauma of bullying and the effects of being in a constant state of fight and flight and the impact that that had on the teenage brain when it should’ve been forming a sense of self seems to have been completely ignored. We asked our young person to give permission for the clinic to speak to us. Permission was given but the clinic replied to our child that the report was theirs, that it was a snapshot in time and could change at any time and was based on self diagnosis. They finished with the hope that they would continue their gender affirming journey. We were and still are speechless at this response.

We don’t know what is happening regarding appointments now, but we have refused to pay for medical transitioning. We have managed to maintain a relationship with our child and this is paramount to us as they are at uni and away from home. As such, we don’t feel that we can challenge the clinic at this stage but they have acted in such a deeply unprofessional manner. Our hearts are broken.

Thanks for posting this.

And so glad that this underhand, non professional clinic was made aware that they couldn't get away with what they had planned to do.

So 2 pluses at least. Family and friends working together in the best interests of the daughter. And a clinic which now realises that maybe in the past they could have got away with it but now cant.

Can I just ask, and not wanting to add to the stress of the situation for the parents, but shouldn't the story of this clinice be published or quoted in the media.

At least is Scotland.

It is a scandal.

PS just to say the article is wonderfully written.

to all and hopes for a more settled future for all concerned.

Edited to add and for making others aware of PITT

Thanks for all the responses it really does help. I admit I had some wobbles if we were doing the right thing by her but hearing from others helped strengthen my resolve. I can't take credit for the article as it was her dad that wrote it.

For the poster that asked how she can afford it. She's 19 years old and her autism is debilitating enough to receive monthly disability payment. As someone who rarely goes out she doesn't spend much and it adds up quite quickly.

@Kalalilyinteresting you mention the trauma of bullying and fight and flight as I feel my daughter was in a constant state of anxiety at school caused by low level bullying and I think this contributed to her gender issues.

Wishing your family strength

It was low level bullying in our case too. Very hard for schools to tackle. I remember saying to a teacher that if DC had been punched in the face, it would have done much less damage than the constant pushing, shoving, name-calling et cetera. Schools can take much more effective action for physical bullying. It seems to be very hard for them to distinguish between low-level bullying and ‘banter’. It didn’t help of course that we didn’t know about ASD until sixth form.
I think it is unforgivable that gender clinics do not take any of this background information into consideration, even when they are made aware of it.

Asperger’s Experts videos on YouTube are worth a look. They call that “defence mode” and draw parallels with trying to teach social skills or do the basics with “trying to teach knitting to a soldier during combat”. Sorry for the de-rail

I’m always shocked at the contrasting attitudes.

No your kid can’t have autism/ADHD because of x or y reason. Then after a long wait the school may come around to the idea and refer to CAMHS. They require two different evidence sources (school and home) and it’s a thorough assessment which considers other issues eg dyspraxia or other communication conditions.

For ADHD they want plenty specific examples from before age 10 to justify diagnosis and stimulant meds - for which there are monthly twitchy checks on BP, pulse, weight and height because of side effects… thats the same for adults too. DH initially couldn’t get his paperwork signed off because he had no witness for the childhood section - instead he did an online QB test (apparently an open and shut case there so not sure why they don’t include that always).

Versus immediate gender affirmation and (in this case) an assessment which included no family or school reports. Staggering!

@allcatsaregrey im so relieved for you and I hope things get even better for you and your family xx

@allcatsaregrey Thank you for finding this thread and commenting. I had hoped you would see it but wasn't sure if you would be comfortable doing so 💐

You and your husband are clearly doing a phenomenal job of supporting your daughter. Your husband has written a very thought-provoking account and your posts on this thread add further context for how difficult this is.

One of the biggest problems for families like us as there just isn't any non-affirming support available and it's hard to stand your ground when it feels like the rest of the world thinks you're wrong.

This ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

At the moment, my daughter is 16 and she is getting lots of information from school (staff and other children) that it's really important to support everyone's gender identity, that this is the only way to be kind and respectful etc etc. It's a full-on coercive indoctrination, dressed up as a neutral position. I know she's using her critical thinking skills a bit (she was really happy when the FA announced that there would be no male players in girls and women's football), but the really sad part is that this isolates her from her peers because they think she's mean.

One thing I'm really struggling with is striking the balance between helping my daughter to continue with her critical thinking and pushing her away because, as per your comment, she's getting so much input (from often well-meaning people) in school and elsewhere that says her mum is wrong.

So 2 pluses at least. Family and friends working together in the best interests of the daughter. And a clinic which now realises that maybe in the past they could have got away with it but now cant.

Fully agree @IwantToRetire This is why I'm seeing it as a huge watershed moment. There is much more still to do, to reduce the likelihood of autistic children getting caught up in this in the first place as well as supporting them once they are there, but preventing a clinic from providing an experimental medical intervention on a vulnerable young adult is highly significant in this whole mess. Definitely a "winning" moment in history as per POW's comment.

Surely the clinic should be investigated for malpractice??

Definitely. I wonder how many children and young adults have been through their books without this approach having been taken. If they can recognise the harm enough to back off in this case, they must surely recognise that they have been operating in a way that goes against First Do No Harm. Every patient who is referred to them should be undergoing this kind of approach, to ascertain if there are underlying reasons that point to a root cause which could be addressed another way.

@allcatsaregrey have you seen some of the other threads that would relate to this issue?

I'm thinking specifically of children like your daughter (and sons and daughters others on this thread, including mine) being in environments where they are consistently being told that everyone has a gender identity.

Off the top of my head, there is a current thread about a Brighton school, regarding mixed-sex changing rooms, where the Head is insisting that gender identity is more important than sex. There is another about the difficulty finding neutral talking therapy. Plus there are plenty about the conflation of autism and gender identity in general.

I can dig out some links and put them here.

@allcatsaregrey, just DMed you.