BBC 'What it feels like for a girl'

[GreenFriedTomato]

This just appeared on my BBC homepage so I went off to Google.

Based on Paris Lee's memoirs and The guardian have reviewed.

https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2025/jun/03/what-it-feels-like-for-a-girl-review-deeply-disturbing-and-totally-fearless-tv

Have any of you watched this?

@NecessaryScene
If the title is a reference to the song in terms of him being more feminine and being 'like a girl' was degrading and the reason he was abused, I take it back. That makes sense.

I just took it at face value that it meant he was saying he was a girl and describing how that is /what that feels like
.

@NecessaryScene I'd never heard of that film or book..I've just googled it and that makes even more sense. That it's not even about the Madonna song per se but the character in Cement Garden.

Is it though? Has Paris spoken about this?

I watched an old documentary about George 'Julia' Grant on iplayer a while back. He was one of the first men to go public about his experience. His background sounded v similar to Lees' - abusive father, what sounded like a mother with issues around alcohol, and he was also abused in sexual relationships with older men as a teen (sold sex), although he didn't turn to crime like Paris. Similarly April Ashley was battered as a child, and Stephen Whittle's father was a wife-beating thug who assaulted the mother for wearing trousers. Trauma, sexual exploitation and abuse, and internalised homophobia seem to be very common denominators.

Yes, "What it Feels Like For A Girl" is SO specific as a title. No-one but a girl knows; in fact no-one but an individual knows what it feels like for an individual girl!
(Sorry to go on about the title - I just get annoyed at anyone - i.e. any boy - thinking he can know what it's like for me!)

Interesting. I wonder if they meant it to turn out with this obvious message. This is what GC women and the Tavistock have been saying for ages.

The truth has a way of leaking out even when they don’t want it to.

I'm sure if it didn't look at the story through a trans frame it would be being positioned as a difficult, gritty but important watch, a bit like Adolescence.
Instead, going by this review (I haven't watched it or read the book), it seems we're meant to find Paris's experiences 'self-affirmative'.
My DP, who is firmly TWAW, told me recently he's read the book and that it was 'pretty wild', which he said with a laugh, implying that it was wild in an enjoyable way.
But I agree that it just sounds sad, and I suspect that if it was just a working-class gay boy it would have been received and reviewed very differently.

And no, even if the title is meant to be ironic, it doesn't work; it really should be called 'What it's like for someone who is unprivileged, neglected, abused and gay/hiding their sexuality.'

I was going to mention the cement garden, but glad to see others have beaten me to it.

I think it's important to be aware that some individuals find degrading situations sexually exciting, which puts a different slant on the idea that for a boy to dress like a girl is degrading, because being a girl is degrading.

Relieved to see that others on here are feeling the same way... I have watched 3 episodes and am really enjoying the story at face value. I also interpreted the title as a reference to the Madonna song. But I saw that the subheading for the show's advertisement says something along the lines of 'making TERF's heads spin'... Soooo cringey 🤢

I also didn't know until 3 episodes in that the author of the book transitioned to female, I thought the story was about a gay boy struggling with who he is.

Watch We Are Lady Parts. Four girls in a punk band- very funny and a good antidote!

Yes this is how I felt. I watched up till ep 4. I felt very sad for the Byron character. in another time in a different place maybe things would’ve been different and they wouldve been accepted for who they are rather than transitioning.

Agree about the title. I very nearly didn’t watch it.

My thoughts too. A deeply sad watch.

I do wonder at the failure of ability to see things from other viewpoints or look against the grain/accepted narrative being sold.

Its like the Katie Neeves training sessions described earlier - you have a senior guy who arranged the training, who can only see the situation from ' stunning and brave trans identity, vulnerable person learnt so much I had never thought of before' and just doesnt think how it can come across as 'male clearly savouring a situation where he gets to describe his boundary violating and underwear stealing fetish' to a captive audience (especially female audience members) in a situation where he is set up as an unquestionable authority yet vulnerable, where it will be very difficult for them to express their discomfort or give honest feedback without social shaming or consequences at work.
Its the simplistic thinking of ' dont feel like a man/so must be female' and the reduction of people to stereotypes. Its the belief that all need to only hear your proselytizing to have a epiphany and see things your/the correct way. Its the politics we have where messy reality such as disclosures about actual abuses (grooming gangs, Saville, childrens homes) are handwaved away or ignored, while sanitised dramas with agendas and messages are taken seriously by our politicians.

I assumed the title was a reference to something, so wasn't that bothered about it. The program reminds me of how grim that era was for women and for gay men and boys. Louty lads just reigned, especially in small towns like that. It must have been really hard for her growing up with all that toxic masculinity, so no wonder she came to the conclusion that life would be easier as a girl. It the same as Susie Greens child, who had a toxic abusive Father as well. Yes I do say 'she' even though I'm gender critical, because I do it as a courtesy because I've got no interest in other people being distressed by something simple I can say. It would depend who it was though.

I find it interesting that they display quite predatory behaviour in searching out men, and they really want them to think they are women so they are deceptive with it too. Not really how women would behave, definitely how men behave. So can trans women who are attracted to men not understand that women would be wary of trans women who are attracted to women, of they display similar predatory behaviour and engage in deceptive rape with women?

Also their idea of women is that we are all passive sex objects, waiting to give blow jobs and get taken advantage of by men, like that's the main thing about being a women. Sam Smith was the same whenever he was a 'woman' it's very misogynistic as well as all the internal homophobia.

These are really interesting points and I tend to agree with you except I thought his portrayal of women was more interesting than that. Yes there is the usual Madonna/whore tropes but actually his mum was an interesting character- not particularly likeable but has lots of parallels with Bryon. Same with his best friend Samantha. I thought it was interesting there was a real reflection of the main character not being able to see beyond himself - being self obsessed. Even when he apologises to people, it’s still because he wants something. This brought an interesting self awareness to it for me.

The BBC made an advert that said that?! Where was this, do you have a link?

Perhaps it was this article:

https://i-d.co/article/what-it-feels-like-for-a-girl-tv-bbc-show-paris-lees/

“I find it interesting that they display quite predatory behaviour in searching out men, and they really want them to think they are women so they are deceptive with it too. Not really how women would behave, definitely how men behave. So can trans women who are attracted to men not understand that women would be wary of trans women who are attracted to women, of they display similar predatory behaviour and engage in deceptive rape with women?”

It’s all deception though, especially the TiMs who have no surgical or hormonal modification and claim to be lesbians. I’m
not claiming that women never lie, or deceive, we have to sometimes to be safe, or to achieve goals, but the manipulation tactics used by men to control and seduce women are very male pattern behaviour, full of gaslighting and coercion.

Also their idea of women is that we are all passive sex objects, waiting to give blow jobs and get taken advantage of by men, like that's the main thing about being a women. Sam Smith was the same whenever he was a 'woman' it's very misogynistic as well as all the internal homophobia.

This touches on one of the aspects of trans ideology that really annoys me. Many TiMs present like a caricature of women, a parody, hyper feminine, almost like drag artists. They perform a stereotype of womanhood, which cements gender roles rather than removes them.

I’ve not watched the series, and considering that my daughter is a fully brainwashed TWAW cult member, I doubt we will, because it’s likely to set off more arguments.

It might be interesting to watch as it does feel like a coming of age story for a gay lad. Until he meets the divas.

I’m watching this. It’s very dark but the acting is excellent.

Like pp said when it got to episode 4 things took a turn. Byron had never thought of himself as a woman until he dressed up in women’s clothes and got a kick out of chatting up “straight” men but at the same time he was scared of their reaction when they realised.

I actually thought he looked more masculine when he dressed up!

The whole conversation about how to tell the men was ridiculous to me because surely nobody would mistake any of Fallen Divas for women but then the men they targeted were all off their heads on something I suppose.

Despite the title of the programme the whole thing is about the men and how having sex is their main priority so they aren’t fussy and will do it with anyone who offers and the power that someone like Byron feels turning them on because he is so powerless in all other aspects of his life.

I wonder what happens to the divas as they age and men lose interest in them if that’s all that makes them feel a sense of achievement?

Interview with Paris Lees

And the fact that the woman who runs the nightclub provides protection for them proves that they don’t pass because she’s not offering protection to any women in there when they are the ones who need it most!

“find it interesting that they display quite predatory behaviour in searching out men, and they really want them to think they are women so they are deceptive with it too. Not really how women would behave, definitely how men behave.”

Perhaps how traumatised people behave? There’s a self harm and neediness package in there. Very narcissistic.
Some traumatised children do a push me pull me behaviour, almost love bombing for attention, then suddenly turning on you and pushing you away. You have to stay totally unflappable and unresponsive almost- kind and consistent and loving regardless of whether we’re in push or pull mode.

The title might come from a song and might have relevance in its origin but your average viewer will see the series byline and title and have their TWAW views reinforced or be introduced to that concept and become a bekind convert. I don’t like the title for that very reason. A boy or man don’t, won’t, and cannot know what it feels like for a girl. Just pisses me off that the BBC is continuously trying to put across the very damaging narrative that people can change sex. And here was an option for having that honest conversation about how vulnerable and abused teens can be sold this lie but instead they’ve gone for the celebrating your authentic self crap.

As an aside, looking at Pari’s photo from the interview, I’m thinking what would men do if all women, all of us, decided against using ‘female’ markers and stopped wearing long hair, dangly earrings, mascara, lipstick, any makeup, and dresses? What then?

Even the trailer highlights what a nasty homophobe his dad was(is?).
That's the source of Paris's issues. He should be livid with his dad.