Why do men have fetishes? What is the biology/ psychology behind them?

[CrazyOldMe]

Has anyone looked into this?

I’m curious as to why humans, especially men, have developed to have sexual fetishes? Like, what’s the advantage to us as a species here?

Or, are such desires nurtured via society and so on?

Any insights appreciated

I found this: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1079063214525645
Beyond the conclusions (no idea if the sample size, recruitment of participants... Introduce bias), the introduction seems to cover various hypotheses about male/female propensity to paraphilia.
It seems that the difference in sex is real but difficult to quantify precisely as paraphilia for women are less likely to be observed in clinical/forensic settings.

Just wondered whether it’s something to do with, in relative terms, the fact that human society is largely safe compared to previous generations? We have welfare systems, we don’t experience viking invasions daily, we’re not oppressed by invading Romans etc. (I do appreciate SM would have us ‘believe’ our lives are stressful, but compared to the Victorian city dwelling for the poor or living in medieval times, it’s fairly ‘safe’)… so, in response we seek the adrenaline high that used to be generated by normal daily life? And we do that via gambling, alcohol and drugs, seeking more and more extreme sexual highs? Other people descend into anxiety/depressive states. Some people develop addictions because they are chasing that adrenaline high and as our society is now pretty sexually permissive, more and more people are choosing the sexual gratification route rather then, say, drugs and alcohol (which cost more… sex is free, mainly).

I read a report a few years ago that said that ‘stress’ in and of itself isn’t bad for us, just the perception of it because on a biological/neurological level the exact same processes are happening in our bodies when we’re ‘excited’ as occur when we’re stressed/anxious (adrenaline, cortisol etc). It’s why YPs love horror films, amusement rides etc. The difference is how we perceive it and then how we try to manage it.

Anyway, probably BS, but something I also find myself wondering.

With reference to shoes not being anything to do with sex, I cite the nursery rhyme: Cockadoodle do, my dame has lost her shoe, my master's lost his fiddling stick and knows not what to do. Which has been my earworm since the shoe post. Nursery my foot. I remember my realisation of the Benny Hill ish ness of it. And the other verses - see Wikipedia. Which offers no explanation though, so maybe I'm wrong.

Reminds me of the 25 experiment on mice that someone on a different thread cited recently!

Think that might be why it pricked at me? It’s as though we need a certain amount of ‘living stress’ to keep us centred and focused, but if we become too comfortable as a society it tends to lead to hedonism… and then our downfall? It’s a bit like the fact that govts rather like to take us into wars with other nations when it looks as though we are all about to start eating each other descend into social unrest domestically?

I do think this is why the importance of faith, belonging to community, extended family has been forgotten - they make us realise (or believe) we are part of something bigger than ourselves, something more important. We’ve lost that - SM has made the world both bigger and smaller. We no longer have a physical tribe and understood social hierarchies. We’re part of an amorphous global village yet one without distinct groups to which we feel we belong, are seen, valued. Movements like BLM and the trans/LGBTQIA+++ tap into this psychological need?

Am probably talking bollocks. Would make more sense if I was a few pints/glasses down I suspect.

There are plenty of psychological and physical aberrations which are of absolutely no benefit to us as a species.

I've only known one man who was open about his fetishes, plus a couple who I suspect had them but didn't divulge, and he was very odd indeed, as were the other two I have in mind. I can't believe there weren't reasons stemming from childhood to explain his perverse/perverted behaviours, despite his vehement protestations to the contrary.

My mate has got a lot of algae growing in his swimming pool - always knew he was a wrong 'un. His wife's told me she was going to pour some chemicals into it - as if that will solve it !

Being open about one's fetish is probably some kind of fetish in itself. It's forcing your sexuality on someone who has not consented. Akin to flashing.

Fetish may not be technically the right word there, sexual harrassment? Something they're getting excited about anyway. Or storing up people's reactions to get excited about it later. It's usually women they want to "confide" in, not men.

sawdustformypony lol, that took me a moment to figure out.

Many BDSM clubs and groups - ethical and well run ones - have rules about not involving non consenting others in a kink or 'scene'. It's a breach of consent.

However as that lovely chap who wrote for the Telegraph put in his article about how he enjoyed involving young women assistants in his buying of women's underwear, he liked to give her a smile that said 'I know you're not enjoying this but I am', where a strong part of his sexual pleasure was her discomfort and unwilling involvement when she couldn't say no and he had power over her. It was a subtle sexual assault. Rather like demanding to get undressed with non consenting women is.

It begins from a place of total lack of respect for women, and seeing them as sexual resources to be used without opportunity to say things like 'no' or call out the behaviour the man is using on them.

why don’t the women who ask where is the evidence that more men have fetishises just google it? https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/1079063214525645

To be fair, on this topic, I'm interested in the answer but would really not want to google it for fear of what it might bring up!

I’ve seen/known plenty of men whose fetishes/kinks become a problem - eg drifts into public life, is the only way they can have sex, is abusive towards their sexual partners. I’ve only know one woman have a problem to the point where it affected her life, and she turned out to have a brain tumour that affected her inhibitions. It was removed, the problematic kink disappeared.

I’m aware that women do have kinks and fetishes, but IME not as prevalent or as consuming as they occur in men.

In men, iirc, there is are links to criminal behaviour with men’s fetishes (eg most prevalent paraphilia for murderers is cross dressing) without a female equivalent.

Op here. I wanted a discussion on the issue, and I know that there’s a lot of very knowledgeable posters here on men’s behaviour, as I believe this thread shows!

I think it's complex and the very very extreme ones probably rooted in significant trauma during the formative years. I can't honestly think of any other reason someone, for example, wants to fuck dead people or play with shit. There's a line beyond which you can't argue anything other than this person is fully fucked up.

the less insane ones? 🤷‍♀️ doubtless many reasons. If they are something you are born with (I doubt it but what do I know?) then there doesn't need to be an evolutionary advantage to these behaviours, they just need to be evolutionarily neutral - not a disadvantage, and they will persist.

but my money is on something causing it during childhood and early teen years. Something linking up for whatever reason.

Yes. Most sexual paraphilias are exclusively male. Women rarely have ‘kinks’ that endanger the lives of the people they sleep with. Nothing I hate more than false equivalency.

this suggestion wouldn't qualify as even an half serious attempt at biology or psychology, but from an evolutionary perspective might there be some small advantage to men being capable of becoming sexually aroused, and hence ready to procreate, by very trivial/unusual things?

Exactly, can’t stand the people who pipe up with “but women do too!”
It’s being completely blind and fucking obtuse. Or just wanting to be argumentative and stick up for men at all costs
Someone said the other day to me “women can be paedos too” they got an earful..

There's a brilliant article somewhere about Whataboutery from a woman who used to get an influx of criticism and abuse if she wrote about violence against women, and applause and hushed respect if she wrote about violence against men, it's quite eye opening.

It is interesting how very uncomfortable some people get when any criticism is implied against men as a sex class, and how they feel driven to respond to make themselves feel more comfortable.

This is similar to what I was suggesting on the last page.

Men need to be able to become aroused by whatever is socially normal. We are a highly adaptable species, and we create culture. That's a strong evolutionary advantage, it allows us to live in many different ways successfully. So what is socially normal may be very variable.

So some kind of imprinting must occur to facilitate sexual arousal and attraction, at a very fundamental level, in many and to some extent in women too. But the need is a lot stronger in men.

So somewhere in early adolescence or even before, this must be happening, but it can't be something that they are born with.

Weird sexual interests and fetishes may be one thing that can happen when that imprinting goes wrong. What makes it go wrong - maybe things like trauma or early exposure to sexual situations can sometimes have that effect? But maybe sometimes it's also just chance.

Well yes, we all have preferences in terms of things like height, hair colour, body shape, someone's clothing choices, maybe a particular accent that just hits the right spot. I'm interested in how these solidify into fetishes, even the fairly innocuous ones - I vaguely remember a movie years ago about a man obsessed with natural blondes.

And of course women have fetishes, but men seem to have them with greater frequency, greater intensity, and are much more likely to fixate on something very weird.

I'd love to read an account of this from a therapist, but in my limited experience of men who are (a) not creepy and (b) willing to discuss something that's gone awry with their sexuality, it's always some very vivid experience at a formative age - it might be trauma, it might be something witnessed, it might be seeking some kind of memory of comfort.

Women seem better able to regulate this kind of thing. I've only known one female friend whose fetish reached paraphilia levels where it was taking over her everyday life, and she had other mental health issues (exacerbated I think by substance abuse).