Invisible Women

[CharlieDickens]

I'm in the middle of reading this book which is fascinating. A lot of the things she discusses are what I consider big ticket items, the disparity in pay, technology not being suitable, the fact that medical trials are mostly performed on men.

It's really got me thinking about the small ways women's needs are ignored / not taken seriously. Already, I'm thinking about my daily interactions and whether I've been living in a bubble where people are nice to me but actually it's more like I've woken up and I can see all the bullshit.

This morning I noticed it when a damp proof specialist tried to charge me up front. I lost it and told him not to be so ridiculous and then he backed down. Men are ALWAYS trying it on for either sex, money or just to show us how amazing they are. I can see it clearly now.

I'm right aren't I? Rant over

Has your DH read it?
I listened to and it massively opened my eyes particularly to bad science/research that doesn’t include 50% of the people it affect’s.

I put my big boy pants on and attempted to discuss with a group of friends (male) was thoroughly disappointed especially with the ones with daughters (I have boys) at their utter dismal of the information.

it’s a book men need to read

It’s amazing book: I had to read it in chunks too to avoid getting too rage-y. Agree that her newsletters are well worth subscribing too - funny and infuriating in equal measures!

My copy arrived in the post yesterday! Looking forward to and dreading reading it in equal measure.

The grip strength info is so interesting. I had read it before but saw it again in yesterday’s email. Then last night couldn’t open a jar without my rubber grippy thing.
lots of cursing.

Completely. I find the medical stuff really scary. I've had adenomyosis for years. The more into middle age I get, the worse my symptoms are - I have constant bowel problems, IBS and menstrual issues. I've been told "it's nothing sinister". All this means is that they can't find cancer. There's a plethora of other illnesses that women are likely to die from and reading that book has made me realise that no-one really cares.

My experience with the justice system this year has been an eye-opener too. The investigation into the man who assaulted me has taken 8 months. If he gets charged it will be at least another 2 months or more likely, it could be dropped (even though there's a small mountain of evidence). The next person he dates might not be as lucky as I was.

Yet, who cares? No-one and 50% of the female population go along with it because they live in a bubble. It's not unless a woman is killed that anyone takes notice and even then the outrage only lasts for as long as it stays in the headlines. Nothing is ever really learnt.

Men just don't want to stand up for women or accommodate them because they know it means they have to question their own behaviour and recognise that they're part of the problem.

I read the newsletter out to him. I don't think I could persuade him to read the book as he only occasionally reads fiction. We have two daughters, and he does get it. A couple of years ago he was blissfully oblivious to any issues, but I have done good work making him aware 😆 I told him that I would love for him to spend a day in my shoes as a petite 5 foot 2 female. We have a nutribullet blender thing, and I struggle to open it. It's not even just about strength. My hands are too small to be able to get a proper grip on it.

What she says about contraception is also really interesting in that there has been so little advances made in the decades since the pill first came out. Now there is the illusion of choice for women, but if you don't want hormonal contraception, your choices are pretty limited.

"Men just don't want to stand up for women or accommodate them because they know it means they have to question their own behaviour and recognise that they're part of the problem." I think it's even more fundamental than that - even "good" men don't want to upset the status quo because it suits them just as it is. 😔

@CharlieDickens

This!

“Men just don't want to stand up for women or accommodate them because they know it means they have to question their own behaviour and recognise that they're part of the problem.”

I had seen this said before on here and to be fair didn’t wholly buy into it but after the discussion about the book l was amazed that friends with daughters, Mums, and sisters who couldn’t see the relevance of crash test dummies representing all bodies.

It has made me think very differently which is why I recommend the book.

And did you know it was tested on male inmates in prison first and was linked to increased aggression? The poor men 😢

This is a great book but a depressing read.

this thread has got me thinking of a thread on here yesterday about a woman complaining about a creepy man she had as a delivery driver.

the consensus seems to be that supermarket and delivery services like Deliveroo just shrug their shoulders or say we’ll pass on your feedback to you delivery driver.

I don’t think men really understand how threatening it is to have a stranger coming to your door and saying you look like a porn star ( as what happened to that poster)

he is coming to her door and being threatening. It’s actually a breach of the peace. But I think men just think we’re uptight as it’s just a compliment.

but it was also disappointing to read women asking OP why she didn’t call it out? There’s always an assumption that this is the woman’s problem to sort.

why the hell didn’t the supermarket sack the delivery driver for threatening behaviour to a customer?

The world is set up for a 5'7" white male, who is right handed.

This is me. I have had the kindle version for ages.

I think you're right! DH is one of those stupidly tall people (his phrase not mine) who cracks his head on the average doorframe, so any grumbles I have about being a 5ft2 shrimp in a 5ft7 world get countered with 'At least short people can use a ladder.'

I feel very aware of not fitting in the world. My feet dangle in most chairs and just the fact that at conferences I have to be permanently looking up at men. It's infantilising. On top of that I am quite ugly so I don't even inspire men to feel like they should help tiny little me.

You're invisible unless you're an attractive female. I'm 45 now and definitely treated differently to when i was young and looked good 😂

And don't ever think you are too old for sexual abuse either. I was abused in my 60's at work by a much younger man. Luckily I can stick up for myself and told him where to get off. But if had been one of the younger women they would have been devastated.

I regularly tell my family that as a result of that book, if we ever win the lottery and buy that beautiful new house we plan to do with the proceeds, I'm having a kitchen custom designed including all counters about 1-2 inches LOWER than is standard to better suit me as I am the one who does 90% of the cooking!!!

There is also a podcast 'Invisible Women', it made my blood boil listening to it, not a good idea when driving!!!

And you're FAR TOO VISIBLE if you're an attractive female!
Sorry but true.

There's a plethora of other illnesses that women are likely to die from and reading that book has made me realise that no-one really cares.

My DMum male GP was talking though taking Statins with her - he said sadly being a woman if she had a heart attack it would be less likely to be recognised by medial people so taking statins to reduce risks was probably more important to her and maybe try them and see if they agree with her.

So occasionally information does get though to people who need to know this stuff though I have personal experience of many more frustrating events.

I've recently renewed workplace First Aid, and the trainer said women are just as likely as men to have heart attacks, but they often present differently and the symptoms are too often ignored or minimised. She was extremely good and does loads of courses so hopefully this message is getting out there.

Wow 😲

@ramonaquimby 5 days after an emergency c-section, I was at a routine post-birth midwife appointment at the hospital. I had been given pain killers (hilariously low dose at 10mg codeine + paracetamol). I was recovering quickly so the "take 4x a day" had already been reduced by me to about twice a day. I asked if I could have some more. "Sure" my midwife says and sends the junior/trainee off to get some.

Only to have the junior return a few minutes later to say that she's been told I can't have more because I'd maxed out my amount and I should speak to my GP in the morning (this was a Sunday so I couldn't call them that day). Bearing in mind I'd been given a low dose and 2 blister packs so I think a grand total of something like 16-24 pills having left the hospital 4 days before.....

... my midwife wasn't having any of that. She started ranting about how a man whose had major abdominal surgery is kept in hospital for 5 days then sent home with the strongest painkillers available and told not to lift or do anything for 3 weeks but a woman gets only slightly more than paracetomol and is sent home with a newborn after 36 hours!

I got my meds!

I can recommend the audiobook of Invisible Women read by Caroline herself - I listened to it (as well as Time to Think and Hags) over the summer and it was great hearing things explained by the author. I’m listening to Women Who Wouldn’t Wheesht at the moment.

I have a huge list of books to read (the joys of the feminist resurgence) and I worked out that I can fit listening to audiobooks into short chunks of time like during baths/showers, while doing boring household tasks, when getting dressed in the morning or getting ready for bed at night.