New sexuality/gender group set up at daughter's school - how do I respond?

[stabledoor]

My daughter is in Y8. So far her school (large suburban comprehensive) has been remarkably free of any issues around gender. But yesterday there was a notification that a new lunchtime club for those who are 'confused/questioning their sexuality/gender identity' is being started by a teacher. I wrote to the teacher immediately yesterday asking some very neutral questions around which year groups it's aimed at, what she thinks they'll do at the club, what resources or information she'll be using. The teacher has responded at length, and I can share her response, but don't want to make this first post overwhelming. I just would appreciate some help in terms of what I do next. It's raised lots of red flags for me. My daughter is very interested in these issues, and there's a big conversation (which I have been avoiding) that I need to have with her at home around gender ideology. But I feel my priority right now is to manage what's happening at school. I'm so shocked that post-Cass, a teacher still thinks it's appropriate to set up this kind of group.
Should I respond to the teacher for the moment, or should I write to the safeguarding lead? What are the points I need to be making? I'm a little overwhelmed by this whole area, and just not quite sure where to start.

What bounced out at me in the teachers info is the term "role models"? Society needs to be totally involved if children are being influenced to change genders by outside influences. I would be hesitant about this "club".

Hi everybody, thanks for all your responses. I haven't had time to read through them all (so much going on at the moment - why does everything happen at once?!), but I really appreciate the time everyone has taken to respond, and I can see there's going to be a lot of useful points in here. I'm going to read everything through over the weekend and take some time to work out what to do next. I'll keep you updated. Thank you again for reassuring me I'm not over-reacting!

I'd say it's a far bigger concern that you're avoiding a conversation with your daughter about gender issues. I can't see any issues with the group at all, they're going to talk about it whether that's in a group or not.

Go directly to Head and Designated Safeguarding Lead and ask about training member of staff has had. Have 3 questions you want them to answer.
eg
How does the information available to students sit with the CASS review. There is no way this is going ahead in current climate.

Hi we were in the same position except our daughter was impacted by several months of attending a similar club and through the student presentations there was exposed to ( and watched) some shocking online content. When she shared this with us I was able to look over the hundreds of videos available on YouTube. The student presentations shared were absolutely shocking in many ways. We lodged a formal complaint ( not an informal one) with the Head Teacher on the grounds that
there are serious safeguarding concerns on mixing children from years 7-13. We also pointed out that the staff are not qualified to support children who may have anxieties and concerns, in our school this was not a teacher but a TA. To their credit they immediately upheld our complaint recognising the obvious safeguarding failures.Unfortunately the club continues but with more safeguards in place. This was about 2 years ago so prior to the current schools guidance. My partner and I are in the extraordinary position of being a lesbian couple with two teenagers, who stepped up in order to protect our children from the school’s LGBTQ+ club. As a lesbian couple we are well placed to recognise how inappropriate this is. We also wrote to the Department of Education and had advice from the Safe Schools Alliance. Please do follow your instincts when it comes to protecting your children. Good luck

"Stonewall also provides some great information and resources "

The teacher is likely a five star loon.

I just wanted to thank everyone again for the advice given on here, and the resources you directed me towards. It has all been very helpful in helping me think through what to do.

As an update: at the beginning of the week I escalated the matter to the Safeguarding Lead at the school, raising 3 key safeguarding concerns, around: how they will ensure the age-appropriateness of the discussion and materials, given the age range involved; how older students and staff will be protected from accusations of grooming; and around what training the teacher has had to lead a group of this sort. I had lots of other questions and concerns but I thought it useful to focus on what I thought were the 3 clearest, non-debatable issues.

I've had a very unsatisfactory week of email exchanges with the Safeguarding Lead, with none of my concerns addressed explicitly beyond a generic reassurance on safeguarding. He's also had no sense of urgency about the matter - given the club is due to start next week.

So today I have written to the headteacher, raising the same safeguarding concerns, also questioning why the DSL's response has been so poor, and also mentioning all the other concerns and questions I have about this club. It was a long list. I am waiting for a response.

To the poster who asked why I was avoiding having this discussion with my daughter, it is obviously because it's incredibly difficult to find the right way into it, to raise the issue in a way that isn't simply going to entrench her views further, or shut down communication between us, and make the situation worse. Dealing with this issue at school has helped me pin down more clearly my thoughts and feelings about this, it has also meant that I and my partner have had some very open discussions about it, and we have resolved to open up the dialogue with her and address more explicitly what she has heard and picked up about gender identity.

this is the MASSIVE safeguarding issue at play. it' can't go on like this it's dangerous

Well done OP. Fingers crossed that the school realises the saefgiuarding implications.. The lack of critical thinking about this in some schools is depressing - and dangerous for children.

Fortunately it's not all schools with many of them being quite aware that mixed age clubs to discuss sexuality and "gender identity" are as wrong as Mr Smith setting up a club for year 9 girls to discuss their emerging heterosexuality with him and Year 12 boys!

I completely understand how difficult it is to have the conversation with your child, especially as in these sorts of clubs, online and in certain messages from activist teachers our children have been told that parents are not to be trusted. I feel lucky that our D showed us the content being shared in the club, as the TA running it had even written to all the students involved offering to change names on the school register without parental knowledge! I dread to think what might have happened if we had not stepped in. Our headteacher immediately understood the risk and as I previously said, upheld the complaint. We knew our own D was not at risk but we are told that Safeguarding is everybody’s responsibility, so it really does go beyond the relationship with our own children. However I really can’t think of any other movement that explicitly tries to alienate and silence parents or to tell children that their parents are wrong. I say this as a parent and a lesbian who was around at the time of Section 28. It gives me even more clarity about how dangerous this is. Unfortunately we have many teacher activists at our well known liberal comprehensive school so as parents we try and keep an eye on things. OP it sometimes takes time to get your message across. You may have to keep going but I think the safeguarding issues mean that you must be heard eventually. Good luck

I was looking for something else and came across this thread, is there any update OP?

Bump

Yes, an update would be interesting. Massive safeguarding red glass and eye-watering over-reach by the teacher whose confounded idea this project was.

As the Mum of an adult gay child, I would have been overjoyed if this kind of resource has been available to my child when they were at school.

As it was, we were very friendly with a gay couple who came to our house regularly. When my child decided to come out to me, they had these friends to ask how to do it, and we had them to give us advice on how to react.

To have had the resource your child is being offered when my child was was at school would have been invaluable.

I sometimes think about them growing up, not having any role models (1970's/1980's) makes me so very sad. It's hard being a teenager and figuring things out. Being a gay teenager must have been shit for them.

as it may be nice for the younger students to have some older pupils to support and look up to

No it wouldn’t. That is the last thing they need.

Stonewall as a resource!

I'd be interested to knownif this was an academy or not. If not, I wonder if you'd have any recourse to make contact with the council about the concerns. Obviously depending on the outcome/update, if there is one?

Echoing what the last poster has said - if you're not satisfied with the Head's response when you get it - then either escalate to the Trust or LA depending on if its an Academy.

I doubt there would be any issue with an LGB club, it's the TQ+++ that causes the problems.

'I have wanted to begin the club for some time now, but it has taken a while to plan the logistics of it. I think starting as Pride month comes to an end is fitting because awareness should have been raised during PSHE/form lessons and hopefully by the end of summer the club will be well established and ready to continue successfully as of September. '

So essentially this is this particular activists/teachers pet project?
And still taking Stonewalls advice when they have been exposed as disreputable so many times. Have you spoken to anyone higher up the chain yet because I very much agree with other posters that you should contact the head well armed with links and papers.
Aside from Safe School Alliance
SEEN and Transgender trend I would also contact Sex Matters and Stella O Malley at Genspect.

@underused so you're prepared to throw gay children under the bus? I'm sure that's not true. So where is the compromise? Do these groups pinky promise not to talk about trans people?

I don't think that's reasonable. I aware that I'm sticking my toe here into very difficult waters, but in my experience, people come in all kinds of shapes and sizes and refusing to talk about any group, does not make that group go away.

So maybe it's time to have an adult conversation, without shouting?

Just a thought.

What exactly do you think these groups should be saying about so-called ‘trans’ people?

For starters, what would you propose is the definition of ‘trans’ that schools should work with?

As a lesbian teacher I can assure you that schools should not be running LGBT clubs any more than they should be running clubs for heterosexual girls in Year 9 or Year 11 boys!
There are very clear guidelines for teachers about discussing sex and relationships with children and these clubs breach many of them. They also expose unwary teachers and older students to potential charges of grooming younger children as many of these groups are mixed age.
Schools are legally required to be politically neutral so using materials from political activist groups like Stonewall and any of the organisations campaigning to remove the rights of girls to single sex sport, changing rooms etc immediately breaches that requirement.
Schools are places of learning with a responsibility to promote good relationships between all groups in a school and to ensure that children are safe, able to learn with bullying tackled effectively (and lots more). Groups for children to explore their sexuality and promoting the lie that they could be born in the wrong body have no place in schools.

@MrsOvertonsWindows I'm sure your right.

The mere mention of Just Like Us is a big red flag. I heard a Just Like Us ambassador speaking at an event. She’d had a very restrictive childhood where she had to behave ‘like a girl’ instead of having fun with her brothers, and when she started feeling attracted to other girls she knew her parents would consider that unacceptable.

Then Just Like Us visited her school. I really, really hoped this was going to lead to her realising that girls could behave however they liked and that it was perfectly ok to be a happy lesbian.

No. It led to her realising she was nonbinary, switching to they / them pronouns and looking forward to getting a mastectomy.

Now she tells this story in schools. And everyone else seemed to think this was a good thing,