"She's my Dad"

[Vebrithien]

Morning all.

Wondering if anyone can help me out, regarding this book, and any known concerns/complaints about it?

A friend has messaged me, knowing my history of challenging DD's school on their TRA resources. She is concerned that her DC's school has been using this book this week, as part of LGBTQ+ History Month. It is being used with year 4 as part of their reading lessons and she is deeply concerned by the message that it gives out. Especially as the school had previously said that they do not explicitly teach gender identity.

So far, I have found that;

The author is trans and CEO of Trans Pride Brighton. So, not politically impartial.

The dad transitions by painting his nails, growing long hair and wearing dresses. So, confirming, rather than challenging gender stereotypes.

The child in the book polices other children's use of pronouns, regard the dad. This raises issues about children not being able to freely speak.

This could also have the knock-on effect of encouraging denying other children's beliefs and making them feel that they are only valued if they validate by using wrong sex pronouns (linked to the definition of emotional abuse in KCSIE, a child is only valued insofar as they are useful to the abuser).

Is there anything else we can raise? The school celebrates LGBTQ+ History Month and LGBTQ+ Pride Month, but not Women's Month, and only one of the two Disability months.

Anyone care to help draft a complaint, or got any experience of this book?

Thank you!

I think the gender stereotypes is the strongest thing to complain on.

Have you looked at the Transgender Trend and Safe Schools Alliance websites?
They might have something useful.

Had a brief look, TT had a synopsis but I couldn't see anything else.

Transgender trend has excellent schools resources, including template letters.

Safe Schools Alliance also has letter templates, factsheets and FAQs. This page offers responses to frequent school policy assertions: https://safeschoolsallianceuk.net/schools-resources-and-policies/

Thank you @Garlickit , yes I have used those resources last year, when I challenged DD's school over it's TRA resources that they were using (see my threads on No Outsiders, captured DepHead, re-writing the Equalities Act if you have half a day to lose )

I'm really looking for experiences and complaints about this book/author, and how to write to ask for it to be removed/immediately stopped being used until a parent consultation has gone ahead.

📸 Watch this video on Facebook https://fb.watch/pZHfUZhLNB/?

This is a link to the reading of the book.

It paints a parent’s transition as all rainbows and unicorns. I’m not confident this is reality. More often than not it leads to family breakdowns. In the book Hayley’s dad is shown to look exactly like a woman, the dad does nice things with Hayley although there is an undercurrent that ‘pronouns’ are significant - homework is about pronouns etc. However what I find particularly concerning is that Hayley visits dad in hospital after dad has genital surgery - what’s that all about? What dad does with dad’s body is up to dad but getting the children involved seems all kind of wrong.

God help us all.

Thanks for this

These are the concerns that my friend has about the school using this book.

1.Break down of trust between parents and the school, due to a lack of promised transparency. This is counter to the 2020 RSE statutory guidance

"All schools should work closely with parents when planning and delivering these
subjects. Schools should ensure that parents know what will be taught and when"

Page 17

1. Multiple concerns about the book, including:

Harmful gender stereotyping(to be a woman, one needs to wears dresses, have long hair and paint their nails). This is contrary to the 2020 RSE statutory guidance to schools

"Schools should be alive to issues such as everyday sexism, misogyny, homophobia and gender stereotypes and take positive action to build a culture where these are not tolerated, and any occurrences are identified and tackled."

Page 14

Pupils must know "what a stereotype is, and how stereotypes can be unfair, negative or destructive."

Page 21

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/relationships-education-relationships-and-sex-education-rse-and-health-education)

Also, about the inappropriate content regarding genital surgery, in primary school (trying to find the reference about age appropriate resources)

And about the statutory duty to be politically impartial, and this recourse is certainly not impartial.

I'll find the references for these.

How does being trans and the CEO of Brighton Pride makes the author not politically impartial?

Because gender identity is a political topic, as can be seen in the government recently issuing guidance for consultation.

As the school does not also use resources that are written from a gender critical viewpoint, they are potentially failing in their Public Services Equality Duty, in the promotion of good relations between people of varying protected characteristics. If they are using this book as a teaching tool, to embed gender identity, it very much is political.

I often take things from the perspective of ‘what if there was child in the class who…’ For example, when DSDs are brought up, and you are the child with a condition how would you feel if someone started with the ‘you’re not really a girl’ argument. I think the same applies here. What if you are a child in a class whose dad has now decided to identify as a TW (or any family member). Imagine the various emotions the child is going through. Dad has started wearing women’s clothes, painting his nails etc. He now wants me to call him she. Everything you thought you knew about dad has changed. Quite possibly mum is devastated. I often wonder how the teachers who read these books would react if it was their husband or father? How they would deal with their own children? Would they just read them this and say it’s all fine. Sadly I don’t think it’s quite that simple.

This is the author

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5TpUBAQPXfg

Schools have a legal duty to remain politically impartial, and must not promote partisan political views, but should offer a balanced presentation of opposing views.

The author is a prominent trans rights activist, and to use this book without another from the gender critical viewpoint, the school is not being politically impartial. Given the recent guidance released for consultation by the government relating to gender questioning children in schools, this is clearly a political issue.

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/political-impartiality-in-schools

The RSE "guiding principles have been that all of the compulsory subject
content must be age appropriate and developmentally appropriate. It must be taught
sensitively and inclusively, with respect to the backgrounds and beliefs of pupils and parents"

Page 4, RSE guidance 2020

Gender critical beliefs are protected in law, under the Equality Act, as shown by Forstater v Centre for Global Development Europe, where gender critical beliefs were shown to have passed the Grainger test, and are "worthy of respect in a democratic society"

I realise this is mostly just a stream of consciousness of resources and references now!

My friend and I will draft a complaint, and she will send it, along with some other mums from the school who want to complain.

The subtext of pronouns good/right is in itself politically biased. How does that work for freedom of thought and a duty of balance and impartiality? How does that work too for young kids whose parents hold different beliefs?

And yes, totally, to how much this may Disneyfy and silence a child who is shattered by what is going on at home and is having to live the very hard reality that doesn't have glittery happy happy and shiny niceness. When the book has laid down the script of what they are supposed to think and feel.

Dodgy on multiple fronts.

@Vebrithien nothing to add, just giving you a bump and bringing you a nice cup of tea. You keep at it!

The school must dread getting correspondence from you 😁

Sadly, am more of a coffee-a-saurus, but very much appreciated @Boiledbeetle 😁

I suspect my MP feels that same too, unless chr has already blocked me!

Does the school celebrate Black History Month in October? Doing it in January = inappropriate as we’re not the US; not doing it is hugely concerning on a whole range of levels. I found it peculiar when I moved from primary to secondary & the latter didn’t acknowledge Black History Month. No excuse in the 2020s; & this disproportionate focus on one protected characteristic (3.1% English & Welsh population = not heterosexual & due to the Census being a clusterfuck, we still don’t know how many trans people there are in the UK - the 2018 guesswork puts it at 0.3 to 0.8% of the population) is inexcusable.

24% of the UK’s population have a disability; & 4% of the population of England & Wales are black. (Would be so helpful if the composite parts of the UK would agree a date for the census, at least; & allow aggregation of some statistics at/by Westminster - so looking at the actual UK without having to do maths my life is frankly too short for would be possible.) Disability hate crime is not only at shocking levels, it is woefully under-prosecuted, particularly when compared to the pursuit of (transphobic) non-crime hate-incidents. Both racism & ableism are pervasive in UK society & education won’t magically change that; but a lack of education is an issue.

Yes, BHM in October.
Apparently one of DHM or Disability Pride Month, but my friend can't remember which.

We've met and chatted today. I think the biggest issue is the feeling of betrayal. The school is meant to share any RSE resources used. My friend only found out after the event.

Hi op, this is strategy by Stonewall/ Lgbt groups- as they have now lost in the Uk supreme court and the Echr to remove children of transpeople's legal and human rights to name their father, they are trying to use books, workplace schemes etc.
Recommend you look up the childrenoftransitioners website- the articles you need are 'paperwork' and 'the invisible mother' and 'six children'.
Few cots call their dad mum and schools should not be subjecting Cot children to this coercive control, mental trauma and fear. As the Uk supreme court judge said, this is a welfare issue for cots. Please speak up- its one of the reasons the new school guidance is so vital.

Thank you @Chariothorses

Never fear. I, and my fearless mum friends will absolutely speak up.

I was threatened with the police last year, by DD's school, for talking to other parents about my concerns.

We still carried our point!