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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

How many gender critical feminists are actually 'out'

90 replies

PurpleBugz · 01/05/2023 13:17

I've been gender critical ever since I learned what is was. But I've not been able to come 'out' on my social media until the posts this weekend and in preceding weeks showed me I really must. I have a now or never feeling about it.

I have the privilege of knowing I can't loose my home or my job by speaking up. If either could be threatened I'd never be able to out myself. As it is I fear what will be said of me as a parent for holding these views. I'm sure I'm about to loose many friends and family.

How many of you strong women are out as gender critical? What's your experience of it?

OP posts:
ISpyCobraKai · 01/05/2023 13:24

I am, though I kept quiet for four years.
I lost a few friends, one made a tiktok about me, but a few months on it's fine, for everyone that wanted nothing to do with anymore, two more got in touch.
I also couldn't lose my job as I don't work, or my home.

Boiledbeetle · 01/05/2023 13:26

I tend to start most actual real life conversations where I'm about to discuss women with "I'm a terf" never had an issue. But then I'm very scary in person.

Like you I have nothing to lose. No employer so no threat there. (I suspect that if I was still working I still would have been vocal. And dealt with the fallout of it happened).

TiredOfCleaning · 01/05/2023 13:30

I am out only to a few likeminded people. Not on social media as my social media is populated by woke be kind types.

I have just joined twitter as well so i can follow things more closely. I credit MN and the wonderful women on the FWR board for educating me completely.

FourTeaFallOut · 01/05/2023 13:33

I don't really have a social media presence. But I am vocal about it day to day life. I will pull my punches if I come up against the whole - my friend has daughter who has transitioned and it was the best thing for their family - schtick. I'll nod along sympathetically, I realise these are traumatized families and I don't think it would be helped by me talking about osteoporosis or stunted lungs at that point.

Throwawayme · 01/05/2023 13:34

Not me. I work for a Canadian company and would be concerned that I'd lose my job unfortunately.

SidewaysOtter · 01/05/2023 13:36

Ish.

I will quietly raise a few points with people to see how they react, I only go full TERF if I know they’re sympathetic. I don’t talk about it in groups unless I know everyone there feels the same way, else the virtue signalling kicks in. Likewise FB as I don’t want a virtue signalling pile on (again…) so I operate a specific friends list for GC content. I have a GC Twitter account which is separate to my “me” one.

But I’m completely out with those I know and trust. In fact, they probably wish I’d shut up about it Grin

MsMoney · 01/05/2023 13:39

I am in rl and FB. Have lost some friends over it, one was upsetting, but she’s so firmly in the “Be Kind” camp that she can’t even hear anything against gender ideology. She’s a middle aged lesbian who has suffered at the hands of men, but prefers to prioritise men, which I can’t get my head round.

I’m anonymous on Twitter, as that seems quite a dangerous place to be open about who you are and clear that humans can’t change sex.

Hagosaurus · 01/05/2023 13:39

I’m out with friends & family. Most agree, some don’t (mainly teenagers), some won’t discuss it. It hasn’t been a problem - although it does always feel like I’m teetering on an edge when I first raise it. It hasn’t come up at work, no pronouns or EDI training, so I haven’t mentioned it there.

OldGardinia · 01/05/2023 14:08

I don't say anything I disagree with but I also don't raise it in a work environment. Socially I'm more outspoken but even then it's usually more reactive than pro-active. I'm mostly fairly easy going. When I do raise it socially and feel like arguing against someone or something, I take a measured approach and begin with small points or a good intro argument. For example, a conversation came up with a couple of students, younger than I, so I led with something like: "My issue with the trans movement is it is rooted in gender stereotypes. In my day we campaigned on the basis that people shouldn't be defined by their sex, if a girl wanted to be a mechanic we said that's okay - girls can be mechanics. Now you have people teaching that if you don't conform to gender stereotypes you're trans. You get a ten year old girl coming home from school saying 'I have a boy brain' because she's into cars and she's been told that means she's on a spectrum'.

It's the sort of opening thing that immediately puts you in a reasonable position, gives you a moral footing so you can't just be cast as a bigot and forces them to be the one to start shooting down your position rather than you trying to disprove some tautology like "transwomen are women because I define women to include them."

You will find more people agreeing with you than you think. The majority of the species just wants status quo and regular meals. But you will get into real debates sometimes. To which I will give you two pieces of advice:

  1. Remember that most people in any group are just wanting to group cohesion and often will wait to see which of two arguing people ends up on top / best for the group. Do a good job, people will stop arguing against you and accept you holding the position you do.
  2. In any debate, try to be the one that doesn't look like a screaming tomato.
Babdoc · 01/05/2023 14:32

Fully out as gc. And so are all my friends, who range from 32 to 90 in age.
I could hardly not be out, after appearing in DD’s spoof transgender musical on YouTube! Grin

FourChimneys · 01/05/2023 14:39

I'm out. Self employed so won't lose my job. My waiting list means that if clients don't like my views they can go elsewhere and I will just move on.

I've offended a few people but I'm old and wise enough not to care.

All my friends are as GC as me but we're mostly middle aged to elderly so well beyond the latest fashionable social contagion.

TiredOfCleaning · 01/05/2023 14:40

Just love your DD's youtube channel! I am happy to say that i have also introduced it to a few like-minded friends who love it as well. Smile

Purplefoalfoot · 01/05/2023 14:46

I so want to out myself but the response I get from anyone if I so much as dip a toe in stops me. It’s interesting as everyone expects me to be the opposite as I’m generally a feminist lefty vegan so I think most people expect me to nod and go along with this as they don’t realise it’s the opposite of feminism!

I have even started a conversation about it with ‘Im a terf’ and my friends have laughed and said ‘don’t be ridiculous, of course you’re not’ when I’m trying to clearly tell them I am! I’ve also raised points against surrogacy but a close family member is going through that at the moment so that’s added a lot of complications.

Janedoe82 · 01/05/2023 14:49

Only to close friends and family. All but one have same views. Job at risk if I was more open.

Biscuitandacuppa · 01/05/2023 14:51

I’m out to some friends and likeminded colleagues. I had an interesting conversation with a colleague last week, she would describe herself as a feminist but is very much on the ‘be kind and inclusive’ road. She did however acknowledge concerns about sport. I was careful in what I said but hopefully it will encourage her to dig a little deeper into the issues.

I work in education so also have to be careful what I say.

OldGardinia · 01/05/2023 14:52

Even in the most lefty progressive company, if you speak out to defend your views, you will find at least a couple of friends through it who feel the same.

(Unless you work for Mermaids or something)

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 01/05/2023 14:55

I’ve never been ‘in’. My friends and I had very early exposure to the opposite phenomenon ( think 35 to 50 years), and our mutual experience has not led to enthusiasm.

Viewfrommyhouse · 01/05/2023 14:56

I'm 'out'. Not overtly so on FB (FB for me is for daft memes/friends) but on Twitter and Tiktok, absolutely out. I also have the privilege of not worrying about losing my job etc. My family are majority GC too. Not vocal like me, but supportive and aggreable of my views. As a parent, I'd judge you if you didn't have the views you do tbh. Sex is immutable. No child is born in the wrong body. Females need spaces away from males. The end.

WallaceinAnderland · 01/05/2023 14:58

I'm still in the GC closet. Only my close family know my views but wider friends and colleagues don't and certainly not on social media.

I bet there are thousands of us who quietly say nothing whilst signing petitions, writing to MPs and gardening.

Fairislefandango · 01/05/2023 15:03

Not really. Only to close family, and even then I have spent several years being pretty cagey about my views in front of teen dd. I certainly wouldn't be 'out' at work. I'm a secondary school teacher. I'm sure some of my colleagues would agree with me, but it's not something I'd be comfortable sharing. My (lovely) school did make it policy (before guidance came out) that we were not to use name or pronoun changes for students unless they had been officially okayed by parents , which I was happy about.

I'm not exactly out on social media either, though I often 'like' or sometimes share posts by people who are.

KohlaParasaurus · 01/05/2023 15:03

I'm out. Work was never a problem (thanks, Maya ⭐though I was never challenged about my "belief" that humans can't change sex). One of my adult children is all about the rainbow but I'm sure there's an element of defying her bossy GC oldest sister involved there. DH has my back, and my front, and both sides. I've had a few acquaintances take against me, which was a risk I decided I had to accept, but gained or reinforced other friendships.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 01/05/2023 15:04

but she’s so firmly in the “Be Kind” camp that she can’t even hear anything against gender ideology. She’s a middle aged lesbian who has suffered at the hands of men, but prefers to prioritise men, which I can’t get my head round.

What is that all about? I know a few of these too.

I'm out, but to me, TERF is a slur (I do not use the term to describe myself) and my take on gender criticality is nuanced (I am not so much a GC feminist as a feminist whose perspective on the 'trans issue' aligns with a gender-critical approach) and I'm also a socialist feminist so being 'out' involves some complexities in explaining what 'out' means for me.

Fluffyhoglets · 01/05/2023 15:05

WallaceinAnderland · 01/05/2023 14:58

I'm still in the GC closet. Only my close family know my views but wider friends and colleagues don't and certainly not on social media.

I bet there are thousands of us who quietly say nothing whilst signing petitions, writing to MPs and gardening.

Yes I am one. I can't be out at work but I also have responsibility for checking documents for accuracy at work - and will change gender back to sex when reference is made to the Equality Act protected characteristics.

Rainbowshit · 01/05/2023 15:14

I'm out to friends and family. And the ladies at my sports club. 😀

I would get sacked from work so I am only out to a couple of very close colleagues.

My Twitter is anonymous and full on TERF but m I'm very careful about what I like or post on Facebook.

PermanentTemporary · 01/05/2023 15:15

I'll say what I think if anyone asks me directly in a reasonable way. It doesn't happen a lot but eg a cousin of mine whose child has transitioned surgically knows my overall views, but also knows that the priority from my perspective is to maintain a relationship with an extremely troubled child rather than 'win' any kind of verbal exchange.