Leanne Mills open letter to trans young people

[QuentinWinters]

www.transgendertrend.com/letter-to-young-trans-people/

She is very brave to speak up.

[Drookit]

Thank you Leanne for your honesty and self awareness. I hope you find peace.

[Illyria47]

Clear and honest, you come across as a person one would like to have as a friend. I wish you well in your life.

[LangCleg]

I suspect that I landed Mr. Dennison with far more than he bargained for.

I think you are both perceptive and correct here, Leanne.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

Truly brave, and very moving too.

[R0wantrees]

In November 2018 there were a very moving series of articles interviewing a woman who wanted to share the catastrophic consequences of medical interventions to 'transition' without the cause of her deep-seated trauma being identified.

Many people who have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria might have been better helped by the medical profession if other very relevent factors were identified and nuanced support was available for these.

Abuse, childhood trauma, homophobia etc seem often also present in people's stories. If this is the case, contextualising it as transgenderism/transsexualism lessens the possibility of healing from what may be the source/s of the dysphoria.

I was so struck by Debbie's story. She was diagnosed with gender dysphoria, underwent full medical transition without her PTSD as a result of being sexually abused as a child being identified.

Mirror November 2018 (also in Mail)
(extract uses male pronouns when referring to Debbie)
"After undergoing years of counselling, he says he has finally discovered he wasn't transgender. Instead, he says, he was a woman suffering with horrific complex PTSD after years of sexual abuse.

"Looking back now I realise that it was simply a feeling that if I didn't have a vagina, I couldn't be raped," he revealed.

"I feel completely 'mutilated'," he added.

He has spoken out on the 'taboo' subject of gender reassignment reversal to encourage others to seek talking therapy before surgery.

He says he should never have been allowed to transition, claiming sexual abuse sparked his dissatisfaction with his female body.

He alleges his father raped and abused him when he was a teenager, but died five years ago, before he could be charged.

Now, he looks in the mirror "through the eyes of that terrified 15-year-old girl and see this funny little man staring back at me".

He said: "I wish I could turn back the clock and just have the foresight of what the nightmare the next 15 years would be.

"I'm a woman I'm not meant to be a bloke. I'm trapped. It's a complete mess - where do you even start? I just regret the decision.

"There is this myth that when an individual 'changes gender' they go into hospital one gender and come out 'all done'. That isn't the case, there are years of surgeries and hormones for the rest of your life.

"The session where I realised this was so bad that I had a complete break down and panic attack because I realised it was a huge mistake.

"It should never have happened. It was a big wake up call.

"I was traumatised by what had happened in my life and it was misdiagnosed as being transgender.

"I was vulnerable, I just though that if I wasn't a girl my life would be different, I would be different, I would be accepted and that would be it.

"I thought that becoming a man would make me worthy and I would become a different person."

He added: "I'm not a man, I am an approximation of a man.

"I wish I could wake up as Debbie and realise that the last 15 years were just as bad a nightmare."

Lee primarily blames his father for what has happened to him.

But he says he believes the private psychiatrist who started off his transition should have "picked up on the fact I was abused".

"I should have had help somewhere along the line," he said.

"Nobody ever raised the idea that I could feel like this due to trauma. Not once - until it was all done.

"I have spent my life despising my own body.

"It's so inhumane to feel that was about your own body. But the fact is I now know I rejected my body because of the way my father treated me." (continues)
//www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/im-still-debbie-man-reveals-13532989
thread:
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3414138-Im-not-meant-to-be-a-bloke-Woman-who-changed-gender-to-become-man-called-Lee-says-sex-swap-was-a-huge-mistake

Like Leanne, Debbie describes being motivated to share her story to try to help others. I hope people with influence in both medical and transgender communities listen to them & reflect

[SlowlyShrinking]

I can’t remember where I read it, but apparently the vast majority of ftm transitioners have been affected by sexual abuse. I don’t think it takes a genius to understand why this might be, but apparently this is now controversial.
The quote about ‘a funny little man looking back’ is just horrifying. That’s one transitioner who definitely hasn’t become their authentic self.

[megletthesecond]

Excellent article. You put it so well Leanne .

[starfishsunrise]

@LeanneMills1961
As a mum to a son who last year told us he was actually a girl your letter summed up a lot of my fears.

Thank you so much for sticking your head above the parapet.
I love my child however he chooses to express himself but I don't think the things in your piece will have occurred to him. I think he has been influenced a lot by people on the internet

I genuinely wish you well and thanks again

[R0wantrees]

I love my child however he chooses to express himself but I don't think the things in your piece will have occurred to him. I think he has been influenced a lot by people on the internet

starfishsunrise
Did you see the article by a father in similar circumstances?
It was also published by TRansgenderTrend:
(extract)
"We think Simon’s testimony will be really useful for other parents and we are very grateful to him for writing it and for allowing us to publish it here.

How old was your son when he ‘came out’ as trans and is there anything that you think led to it – events in his life, influences etc? Is there anything you think made your son particularly susceptible to the idea that he may be trans – for example, personality, underlying mental/emotional health issues or sexual orientation etc?

My son was 14 and a half when he told my wife in early 2017 that he wanted to live life as a girl, and that he wanted to go see a doctor and start the transitioning process. He also said he wanted to change his name.

We believe that there were multiple factors that led him to that point:

We had recently moved to a new area so he was separated from his friends
His body had changed from that of a boy to a young man in a very short time, starting young, when he was about eleven years old. We believe this rapid change in his body gave him anxiety. For example, he hated his body hair and would shave it all off. He wouldn’t wear shorts, even in hot weather, because of the hair on his legs.
He had been exposed to positive transgender videos on YouTube (social contagion)
Lack of social stigma
The final two points cannot be underestimated. There are a significant number of trans activists on YouTube, some of whom have nonsensical gender ideas, yet most parents don’t monitor YouTube use. Also, a recent newspaper article that said many children are not afraid to declare themselves trans, as it is seen as being ‘cool’ by other kids. This matched our experience. Our son had already told all of his friends he was trans, and they didn’t seem to care.

Had you suspected anything or were you taken by surprise when your son announced he was trans and how did you react to it?

We were completely taken by surprise. He told my wife first, and she spent time for the first couple of weeks talking to him and reassuring him. I decided I would not talk to him about it until after I had found out more information, so for about two-three weeks I read everything I could, including transgendertrend.com and other sites, which were a great help." (continues)

concludes:
"It’s all a bit strange. We have a boy, who looks and talks like a boy. There’s nothing effeminate about him. He doesn’t identify with transgender issues. Yet there’s something in him that thinks he might be better off as a girl. I still think that the longer we wait – and the more he becomes an adult – the more he will realise it’s not really a good idea.

Anything else you feel is relevant? And what would your advice be to other parents who find themselves in your position?

Read and watch as much as you can before you have an in-depth chat with your child.
Don’t use what you’ve learned to push your agenda on them. Just listen and try to understand where your child is coming from.
Try not to get in a confrontation with your child: they have come to where they are through their own logic. Their decision makes sense to them and pushing against it could simply make them more entrenched. Instead, work with them to find out how they got to this decision and work slowly with them over time, so they can see that their proposed solution is just one of many potential paths forward.
Reach out to other parents who have gone through this issue.
Go slowly. Delay where possible. As your child matures, their understanding may change.
Don’t be put off by politically-correct pressure. Your child is under your care and is not the property of activists.
Avoid the NHS, transgender clinics, activists at all costs. They will all push you towards the ‘transgender pipeline’.
Find a therapist who will help to find any underlying issues.
Obviously, if there are underlying issues, try to resolve them.
Don’t be afraid to send your child articles and news clippings to discuss (with their permission)."
//www.transgendertrend.com/dad-boy-identifies-transgender/

thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3410239-Being-The-Dad-Of-A-Boy-Who-Identifies-As-Transgender-article

[dazzlingdeborahrose]

I'm quietly weeping. That piece was so moving, so truthful. I am in awe for Leanne mills for having the courage to write this letter. It's so important that people have all the facts and counselling they need before making such a major decision. I don't feel that young people are being given those rights at the moment. Well done for trying to do that.

[R0wantrees]

I hope that both Debbie and Leanne have access to supportive services. As adults who have reflected and shared so openly this is very important should they wish to engage:

Bob Withers a psychotherapist discussed his work and concerns in November:
www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-6402003/Well-look-rush-change-childrens-sex-one-darkest-chapters-medicine.html

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3427836-Bob-Withers-on-GMB-and-This-Morning-today

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3439065-Bob-Withers-Psychoanalyst-We-are-experimenting-on-children

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3313760-Up-to-150-youngsters-treated-with-puberty-blocking-jabs-might-not-even-be-transgender

See also Stella O'Mally's Channel 4 documentary:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3430608-Stella-OMalley-Trans-Kids-Its-Time-To-Talk

[NotTerfNorCis]

Watching the TRA reaction on Twitter.

Leanne identified as a woman, so tried to obtain a woman's body and found it was impossible.

TRAs have circumvented this problem by redefining 'woman' to include male bodies. 'Woman' becomes purely a social role. And they say they aren't enforcing gender.

[DodoPatrol]

Leanne, it sounds like you have some very sound advice for your younger self and for children in the same position now. You mentioned earlier, though, that you felt very isolated as an adult -- has that improved at all since you started telling your story?

[SisterWendyBuckett]

It takes courage to stand up and tell your truth in the public arena Leanne, thank you for doing this.

Your self-awareness and honesty shines through and that's a wonderful gift to leave out there.

Young people need to read and consider a range of opinions and thoughts from those who have gone through physical transition. They need to know that surgery isn't the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

One of the horrendous operative side effects you talk about has recently happened to a young transwoman I know.

Thanks again for shining a light on such an intimate and personal subject.

[deepwatersolo]

That‘s a great letter Leanne, kudos for putting yourself out there so young people who contemplate transition get the full, honest picture. (It is actually scandalous that it is up to private individuals, like you, to get the truth out, while the respective organizations utterly fail to do that).

[Notwiththeseknees]

It is so brave of you to write your account honestly, knowing you will be abused by the pro-trans and the anti-trans in equal measure. To go through so much, to gain so little, it must be difficult to not feel extremely bitter. If I knew you, or had a friend in your situation, I would be proud to accept you as an honorary woman - as you yourself say, you are not a 'real' woman, but you are much, much more than 'trans', which has been hijacked.
You have endured so much in your belief that you would be happy and comfortable in your skin, I truly wish you find that someday.

[R0wantrees]

It is so brave of you to write your account honestly, knowing you will be abused by the pro-trans and the anti-trans in equal measure

Some transsexuals who speak out against trans-ideology etc are abused by some TRAs, especially on social media. Its brutal.

Rose of Dawn (who is transsexual) describes this. She locates the issue within the group she describes as 'gender radicals':

cf recent thread:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3385912-fionne-orlander

Who are 'anti-trans' groups you believe Leanne might receive equal abuse from?

[Notwiththeseknees]

I didn't say groups. I said anti-trans. Meaning generally, spiteful bigots who despise or are afraid of anyone who is different to them.
The anacronyms, the politics, the slang etc are extremely hard to keep up with so I was careful not to use any.

[LeanneMills1961]

Just felt I had to come on again to say I'm deeply moved by all your kind words. I don't feel so alone now as I did around November/ December time, that was pretty rough. Sue Reid of the Daily Mail has helped me more than she could ever know, it's all given me a new purpose in life.

But it is also down to your wonderful support and from many many others online, there's no way I could have progressed this far without it. Therefore I'm having a crack now at a Twitter account, I'm just polishing off my introductory tweets before activating it.

Wish me luck!

Love to all xx

[R0wantrees]

Take good care of yourself Leanne parts of twitter can be brutal!

[EatCrisps]

Leanne you are so brave.

[starfishsunrise]

Leanne, good luck. Twitter seems to be a very scary place.

[papayasareyum]

does Mermaids present this side of the Trans experience when they’re talking to children? I doubt it.

[R0wantrees]

does Mermaids present this side of the Trans experience when they’re talking to children? I doubt it.

There are growing numbers of 'de-transitioners' also finding each other and speaking out. Many of them are young people.

www.reddit.com/r/detrans/