Performing Femininity and Feminism

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

I've been wondering about the performance of femininity lately, how naturally it comes to some people versus others, and how it has shaped my attitude towards feminism.

For me, performing femininity has never come naturally - I can consciously mirror the actions but it's putting on an act that can be beneficial in certain situations and nothing sticks when I go back to being me, IYSWIM?

I know I've consciously chosen a more feminine appearance at work because the image of a successful businesswoman in my company means highly polished rather than just neat and professional. I'm careful to moderate my natural behaviour in meetings because assertiveness is seen as bolshiness in women. I feel like I'm playing a game without being 100% sure of the rules.

I think this pretence is, in part, why I've been drawn to feminism - because for me everything gender based is an act I'd be happy to be rid of. I'm sure some women find it comes naturally and would probably think this is strange, but is anyone else consciously playing along? And am I somehow doing feminism a disservice for my own benefit?

I've got a lot of thoughts jumped in my head about this that I'm trying to make sense of, but I'd love to hear others thoughts.

[TheXxed]

m.bristolpost.co.uk/Bristol-University-lecturer-storms-class-trolled/story-28217930-detail/story.html

A friend of mine (more like a mentor) is a Senior lecturer in a stem subject. Her male students constantly try to undermine her, they genuinely believe that their penis is the equivalent of 20 years experience an undergraduate, post graduate and doctorate.

[TheXxed]

I don't think it is that shocking, I remember their being a hubris to the way boys on my course would critique female lecturers, they felt superior. With social media there is now a digital trail which exposes this behavior.

[SomeDyke]

"I remember their being a hubris to the way boys on my course would critique female lecturers, they felt superior. With social media there is now a digital trail which exposes this behavior."
Some of them seem to forget -- WE'RE the people who are going to be marking your work! YES, exams are anonymous, but there is coursework, and seminars, and project reports, and supervision sessions, and tutorials where we KNOW who you are!

I guess some idiots STILL can't get used to the idea of a woman being higher on the academic ladder than they are. And not just the students..................

" The women were absolutely expected to perform femininity, but even when they complied, they got nowhere." Yep, red queen's race -- you HAVE to do femininity just to KEEP your job, let alone getting promotion.

Women aren't ALLOWED to be mediocre. I've come across so many cases where in male-dominated areas, in training the few women that were there had to come TOP of the class. Only then (and not even then when we had a woman at Cambridge in 1890 who came above the senior wrangler in maths, but STILL didn't get a degree! She died in 1948 at 80, just after women were finally granted the right to a Cambridge degree) was it okay to actually let them do the job. If they didn't, then OBVIOUSLY it was because women weren't up to it. Whereas men who came somewhere in the middle -- no one suggested they weren't up to it, just not quite as smart as some others, but okay, good enough, a decent chap!...............

Although I must admit, a womans right to be mediocre doesn't come across as a great slogan.

[VestalVirgin]

So, if you want to wear flats, for example, why not just invent an annoying (and preferably with a long latin name) embarrassing foot condition that means you HAVE to wear them for medical reasons?

Invent? Heh. I mean, I know someone with hallux valgus and she shouldn't wear high shoes, I could claim to have that - it is unlikely someone would want to check.

Though there is also the temptation to invent something in pig Latin that translates to "I cannot be arsed to wear shoes that harm my feet" or "Allergic to sexism"

In my experience, outside of the workplace, the pressure to wear high heels is perceived to come from other women, so declaring that it is "no high heels day" in advance when there is a formal event where most women would wear heels, could work.
(The number of complaints about aching feet I have heard at balls and weddings is stunning - it seems as if all women believe that they must suffer because of what others might think if they wore flatter/ more comfortable shoes. Maybe it would help if someone suggested that ALL women switch to comfortable shoes.)

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

Well madwoman - you probably wouldn't be surprised to hear that I do work in banking so it sounds like it's a common issue in the industry.

I can easily believe that male students undermine female lecturers - I remember similar incidences from when I was at university. Somewhat off topic but I see the same attitude from male interns who come on industry placement in our company - I think there's a really strong current of misogyny amongst a certain type of intellectual male where part of their ego includes believing they're far better than any woman, even if that woman has 10 years experience on you!

[madwomanbackintheattic]

Lol, cross stitch that. My new slogan. Sadly, my ego struggles with mediocrity, even though I'm saddled with it.

Yy, not holding academia up as a bastion of equality by any means, but at least there is a theoretical tolerance for questioning cultural expectations (if not actually challenging them). Probably a rose-tinted vision. A gal needs to dream.

[TheXxed]

There is the underlying assumptions that women are always unqualified, at 18 a man can feel he is superior to woman who has decades of experience and is highly qualified.

There is a vicious undercurrent to the way young men take delight in showing up older women.

[PassiveAgressiveQueen]

To the tune of beastie boys

"Were gonna fight for our right to mediocrity"

[Destinysdaughter]

I find this subject really tortured and depressing tbh. I'm 50 and I really feel like women's equality has gone backwards in so many ways the last few decades. There's such a culture of hyper femininity these days that just didn't exist in the 80s and it's all so bloody fake. Fake boobs, tan, eyelashes etc are just seen as the norm these days and no one is even arguing against it. Women are expected to look like Barbie dolls and that's celebrated rather than challenged. I have absolutely no idea where to start to challenge this...

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

YY TheXXed - and it's continued by older men giving preference to young men "with potential" over women who are proven safe bets. About a year ago I got passed over for promotion in such a way despite not only being more experienced for a role, but having been instrumental in setting up the role. not bitter

The guy who got it was completely incompetent and lost the company £50k at last count, partially because he refused to listen to advice from any of his female team members. - thankfully I've since moved into a different area but it still rankles and was the first personal experience I'd had of being out-penised as it were.

[museumum]

I am not very "butch" and not lesbian (am married) and really don't consider myself radical but I couldn't work in a corporate environment that required heels or compulsory skirts, make up etc. I just couldn't be arsed or concentrate on my work. I wear chinos and Chelsea boots. Sometimes skirts and dresses but with opaque tights and flats.
In my sector this is completely normal. Women almost all wear flats. I've noticed natural grey hair is not unusual either.
So I guess OP that if I were in your work I'd feel similar to how you feel. Yes.

[TheXxed]

Yes I do think we are going backwards in some respects, this is a promo video from a sorority house in the US. The video received a lot of backlash. The part that I found the weirdest was the fact that the women never said anything just pranced around.

[Destinysdaughter]

Slightly off topic but wondered if anyone has read the book by the female executive of FB about ' leaning in' and whether there's anything useful in that, or is it just about how to play the men at their own game..?

[TheXxed]

DoDo do you work over and above your responsibilities? I did, my boss made life very difficult for me when I needed time off for sons autism diagnosis, so I stopped. I now only do what I am required to do, I don't cover for him or clean up his messes. He is slowly being performance managed out of his job.

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

Thankfully I don't work for that guy anymore, in fact I have a female boss who is a complete revelation in that she actually ensures I get recognition for the work I do especially if it's above my usual job (shocking I know)

I'm pretty sure though that the only reason he's still in role is because he's being propped up by the women that he doesn't deign to listen to. Unsurprisingly everyone left is trying to get out but it's not easy to move jobs when you don't have the penis factor working in your favour...

[CherryPicking]

Here are some things I learned about feminity growing up.

Pushing your hands forward is the feminine way to look at your nails - (I mean wtf?)

Aged about 19 a colleague took me aside and 'taught me to walk like a woman'. - Not sure what was going on there...

A friend trying to force me into stilletos to 'keep her company' as she was wearing heels.

[SomeDyke]

"There is a vicious undercurrent to the way young men take delight in showing up older women."
I think it's not just YOUNG men (unfortunately).

With older men, young men seem to be expected to challenge (think young stags with puny antlers but STILL willing to have a go at the 12-point stag), and gain kudos for attempting it, and no loss of status. Whereas with older women? Invisible! Totally............So when you have an older women in an actual position of higher status/authority, they don't know what to do, apart from the default 'I'm male therefore SUPERIOR'. Because a male deferring to an older woman is ONLY allowed if it's your mum and only if you're five..........

Which is a dominance structure that DOESN'T help women. Because when presented with the oft-occurring junior female researcher/student, senior male professor scenario, women tend to NOT challenge in the same way, but defer. And in academic terms, NOT being willing to challenge makes you look like a lightweight. Whereas challenging the senior male makes you look like an aggressive harridan. So you LOSE either way.

Who needs to go watching stags on scottish islands, or silver-back gorillas in Rwanda -- just go to your nearest academic conference/workshop with at least a few women, and make your observations there. And then perhaps you can have a chance at explaining why the higher up the academic ladder you go, the fewer women.

[SomeDyke]

"and it's continued by older men giving preference to young men "with potential" over women who are proven safe bets."
O god YES!

I think the problem now is the sexism is still THERE, just covert rather than overt. So, whereas in the past it might have been 'don't be DAFT, of course a woman isn't capable of doing X', now it will be voiced as above -- giving the job to someone younger 'with potential' (who just happens to be male), but giving the job to 'an experienced hand', if the younger person happens to be female!

Which unfortunately makes it a DAMN sight harder to prove at an industrial tribunal.

[madwomanbackintheattic]

I just had to physically try out the 'looking at nails' thing.

In my first 'grown-up' job, a handyman arrived to attach a 'modesty board' to my desk. Presumably because the men were way too embarrassed to actually tell me they could see right up my skirt. It always makes me smile when mn demonises dance as a feminist fate worse than death, as our experience has shown that it actually shows up the 'art' for what it is - a performance- and that can then be critically applied to life choices.

[VestalVirgin]

@madwoman: Well, in that case, dancing is a sword with two sharp edges, isn't it? It shows you the truth about femininity by making things that are implicitly required of women explicitly required.
So, you would probably not want to do it for longer, what with all those requirements of body modification, but it provides valuable insights.

[OneMoreCasualty]

" mn demonises dance as a feminist fate worse than death,"

Haven't seen this! Was it around prevalence of disordered eating or similar?