Why does this make me so angry?

[JimmyCorkhill]

Just received a text from our local children's centre advertising a weekend event for Dads and their offspring. They get to build a bug hotel, learn kung fu and eat sausage sandwiches.

Every sodding week I sit on a dusty church hall floor with my DD, playing with ancient toys, doing simple crafts like painting and drawing with chalks. The kids get some fruit and a drink of water whilst we all sing.

Where's my bloody sausage sandwich? Where are my cool activities?

I am mad because I don't get 'bribed' into doing groups with DD, I do them for her and I'm expected to do them for her too. I do them regardless of how dull they can be for me. It isn't about me. I come home dying for a cup of tea because I'm not allowed one there for health and safety reasons.

If I don't do stuff with DD I am at fault. The message I get from the above event is that the activity has to be 'worth' the Dad going to spend time with his children.

So yet again, Dads equal fun and Mums equal the day to day drudgery.

My DH spends lots of time with our DC so I'm not having a rant at men, just at the idea that men 'need' this sort of event to be with their children.

I get that some Dads will benefit from this, and obviously all the children who go will love it. I think if it was offered to ALL parents I wouldn't be bothered at all.

Anyway, rant over. I feel better for getting it down.

The other thing I imagined is that it's somewhere for a man to go with the kids and do stuff if he is NRP and has them weekends?

Dunno could be wrong there.

I think you may well be right Seven, but wouldn't it be great if the same thing was offered just for parents? I might be overthinking this though

DS used to work at a children's centre where they ran sessions similar to this, and they tried to guilt HIM into going and working there, because they reckoned the menz needed a man's face there to make them feel welcome..so DS was meant to give up HIS weekend at home with his own DS so the poor menz could go and have a sausage sarnie (but this was bacon rolls)

he told them to reconsider

Hiya, Sweetcheeks!

seven that was the exact answer we got when we challenged our local FunDads stuff. It was meant for NRPs who didn't have any imagination about where to take their kids.

Dh is main carer. I work full time. Not a deliberate choice, but fell that way when dh was made redundant. He attended a couple of Saturday dad things, but found them v depressing because all the dads talked about was work.

I asked to attend, but wasn't allowed.

He tried going to midweek things, but felt excluded. On account he was the only dad, and they treated him like a bloody exhibit.

Where I am they do similar, but a little better at least. Saturday week 1: dads group with bacon butties, cool activities etc. Saturday week 2: bog standard group open to all parents and carers. No bacon in sight. Saturday week 3: dads again. Bacon. Saturday week 4: twins and triplets group, all carers, no bacon.

Every group I have been to there during the week had at least 2 male carers, often more, and one of the workers is a man.

But why no bacon for non-dad specific groups?? Hilariously, I went on a weekday and got told off for helping myself to a handful of grapes as they were meant for the children. My ex went to a Dads group and got told off for giving our son a bacon buttie as they were meant for the Dads! :D

Our Saturday play is open to all, fruit for kids, bacon sarnies for adults, (bagels for veggies).

Tis awesome.

That's the way to do it ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy. Bacon sarnies for all!

We had something similar at a local outdoor, adventure sports place.

They had a weekend camping event for Dads and their sons with shelter building, boat trips, camp fires with ghost stories and bbqs etc..

But don't worry us Mums had....

Princess sleepovers with make up, cooking and baking and sewing and dancing of course only the daughters were allowed.

I couldn't not say anything.

It's bacon sarnies here

mostly middle class dads too. This is a very wealthy area though (mostly). New mums would kill for a bacon sarnie at the baby groups but they're lucky to get a cup of tea

Titsalina - fuck me. I hope you took girls to the camping and boys to the Princess thing?

No, girls are just innately in love with pink princess and glitter aren't they.

Not socialized in to it at all are they

The only thing worse than the blatant sexism titslina is the way it would punish single parents who have children of more than one sex.

Well DH is taking DD1 on Saturday. The activities sound too good to miss but I have told him I hope they burn his sausages

I haven't had chance to read the whole thread, so forgive me if I'm repeating anything. I recently spoke to the leader of our local playgroup who also organised something similar to the daddy day you're describing. She said the reason they personally did it was because from feedback etc they have been made aware that because the playgroups are mainly female orientated and there are rarely any dad's there, the men feel awkward turning up and so they put on a day for the dads. Rightly or wrongly so. I know my other half wouldn't go to the playgroup as he knows there's no other men there, whereas he would probably go to a day for dad's.

I do agree though - where's my blooming sausage butty?! I make do with weak tea and stale custard creams

Well, waddya know? Just got a text from the children's centre to say the same message as before but changing it to 'no need to book'. So sausage sandwiches are not enough to get the Dads in it seems

Agree with everything you say - sausage sandwich, too, it's sooo "male" - proper manly meat - no weedy egg mayo nonsense for them. And children need to learn that at an early age - half a soggy biscuit and a swig of watery squash is not going to keep them going when they are on a Dad/Male outing and taming the wilderness, for goodness sake!

I have not, myself, attended toddler group for many years but I am outraged to hear that you don't even get a cup of tea now!! I don't think I could have sat through that every week without a cup of tea!!!!

I thought I was the only person who had noticed this annoying phenomenon! Mind you, DH is now put out, as he reports he was offered no bacon whatsoever at the dads' group, although the coffee might have been filter coffee, which he thought was pretty amazing.

I am a teacher and find there is rarely anything organised I can take 22mo DD to, as Saturdays are for bacon-eating dads and in the school holidays nothing happens.

Oh we have something similar. Dads playgroup on Saturdays "with coffee and newspapers". Because a) it is The Law that mums have tea and chat while dads have coffee and newspapers and b) dads obviously wouldn't go along if they had to actually, y'know, spend time playing with their kids as opposed to burying their heads in the paper.

It's patronising to the men as well as grossly unfair to the women, not to mention horribly stereotyped.

Well DH is scared now that he'll be doing kung fu on his own ha ha!

He'll have all the sandwiches to himself though - there's a bright side to everything.

DH said that 8 dads went. They did have sausage sandwiches. The kung fu happened too although it was mostly a demonstration. No sign of a bug hotel though, I'll have to ask about that!

I have also frequently become rageful at the bacon offered to DP for gracing a Saturday playgroup. And I'm vegetarian.

The irony being that he is the SAHP. When he took DD to a nursery rhyme group at the library on a weekday, he was asked if he would like to attend the 'special' Saturday dad group. He pointed out that he was there on a weekday because that was when he was looking after her, and perhaps they wouldn't mind if I came on a Saturday instead.

WHat did they say thebeanpole?

'Oh of course, it's just AIMED at dads, anyone CAN come'. I'm not actually going to go, because I can think of 100 other things I would rather do than wind the bloody bobbin up again on a Saturday, but that's not the point.

Our local children's centre also do a 'sports with dad' session, which I totally understand the reasons for, given our area. BUT I would love to go to a sports session- it's the 'Dads- active and adventurous; mums- quiet and into singing and sensory stuff' thing that pisses me off.