Are women who have been treated badly by men more likely to be feminist?

[superstarheartbreaker]

I have had an appalling track record with men sadly including severe abuse issues. It was this that attracted me to feminism . I don't hate men , I crave a connection with a decent man but I do detest the sexist culture which fuels an abusive mindset.
I sometimes wonder if I was happily married to a loving man with a comfortable life , if I would even think about feminist issues. Sometimes I think my independant spirit has led me to be single. Thoughts please?

No, no, no.
Being happily married doesn't mean you don't believe in equality!
Seriously deranged thought process.

I know what you mean but I guess, to put this differently, are women who have had a lovely time with men less likely to be attracted to women's' rights? Married or not?

No. I don't think so. You could use the argument that it is the non feminist women that gets badly treated because a feminist wouldn't have got do embroiled in a relationship with an abusive man.

I'm not saying that is the case, but it is another point of view.

I don't know about in general, but I can speak for myself. I have experienced sexual assault from strangers and acquaintances, but the men I have had the closest personal relationships with (father, brothers, partner) are kind, generous, gentle, supportive etc. There is ingrained sexism that I have called them on and they have taken it in board, but they are not abusive men.

And I think that this is as it should be, and every woman should have this experience of the men who are close to her, and I want to fight for that for other women. My good opinion of my father, brothers, partner etc means that I don't believe that men can't stop themselves being violent and abusive

I don't think so. I'm pretty sure there are many feminists who aren't in relationships with men, as well as those who are in good relationships.

My feminism grew more out of observing workplace inequality, historical and current, and about wanting to feel part of and develop something important. I do think that feminism has a lot to offer humans in general.

I see what you're saying

I think it has more to do with people feeling they have been treated unjustly -- whether that's abuse or exploitation at work or overt sexism or what have you. Injustice makes people think about the world, about why people do things, and gets people thinking about things like feminism.

Happy people who have never had to deal with injustice may still believe in things like equality and rights but may not feel as strongly about it -- although this is a big generalisation.

I think the danger in your question is that a lot of people think feminists are bitter old man-haters who are just causing problems because a man treated them wrong. And that is absolutely not the case.

But I do think being treated badly in life, in whatever fashion, makes people more amenable to movements that want to change society.

Not in my experience.
I have always been a feminist.
My father is a feminist, which helped. Both sets of grandparents and my parents all had marriages based in equality and mutual respect, as do DH and I.

I was a SAHM for a few years, and my parents found it quite hard to get their head round that choice. Both my grandmothers had careers, as did my mother.

DS1 is already a feminist. The other day, someone told him not to be such a girl, and he replied that that isn't an insult, because there's nothing wrong with being a girl.

Although I haven't been treated badly by men, many women are underpaid, undervalued, abused, mistreated etc. It didn't need to happen to me in order for me to feel strongly about it.

Likewise modern slavery, poverty etc.

You are absolutely right, dreamingbohemian, that being the victim of injustice makes people think harder about how society functions and may make them interested in feminism and other movements that combat prejudice.

Merci bonsoir

TheFirst I don't think it's just for people who have personally experienced it -- it could also be people who are engaged enough to understand the injustice other people are experiencing

But plenty of people sail through life without the first clue about how people in the world are suffering, or who choose to see it as the result of choices and bad luck rather than exploitation or prejudice. I don't think those people would be very interested in social movements of whatever form.

I think the injustice idea has a lot in it. I've also seen a lot of posters say when they had kids, especially DDs, they suddenly saw a lot more sexism (a) in their own lives with respect to work and to childcare/home duties and (b) for their kids, with gendered toys etc.

I've never had a duff relationship and have been happily married for decades. Likewise I've lived in shared accommodation with a group of men, and worked with male colleagues.
One of the elements of my being a feminist is those experiences with respectful, interesting and loving men make me cross that so many other women don't have the same thing.

Lots of nice, polite, well-brought up men of earlier generations are massive piss-takers by modern standards when it comes to sharing the domestic burden.

I've been a feminist since my teens and before I had my first boyfriend! So not in my case.

Mine grew out of the fact that my appearance and my interests didn't coincide for people and so they were always confused which was very annoying and when I got a bit older setting and hearing what was going on for females around the world and being horrified. Then when I was a little older still street harassment and casual assault (groping etc) made me incredibly angry.

It's very true bonsoir, and within my own family I have raged against the unfair burden placed on my mother (and me by default). But because they are fundamentally not dickheads, they have taken it on board, and things have improved. It's not perfect, but the socialisation is being eroded slowly

It helped for me when I realised that, for that type of man, not "being looked after" by women was hurtful and wounded their egos. Explaining why I wasn't going to look after them in the same terms - doing so was humiliating and wounded my ego - put us all on the same footing so that we could talk about the assumptions and prejudices surrounding gendered roles.

" Injustice makes people think about the world," - not everyone. Injustice makes those of a certain kind of analytical bent think about about the world.

If you are a woman, you have suffered injustice, even if you are married to the nicest man in the world, through luck not judgement. Some women of course marry terrible men, who embody the worst aspects of sexist culture. Whatever your lot, you have the choice to analyse it or not.

All of the following are common viewpoints / ways of thinking:

"My abusive exH was systemically allowed to be a dick to me, and his gfs before me, and probably after too. This is wrong. this is a bad system."

"My abusive H is like that because men are just like that. My friend's H is like that too. What can you do? Who cares why this happens."

"My abusive H is horrible to me because I have done something wrong. Maybe lots of things wrong, or maybe just choosing him. Anyway it is certainly my individual fault. "

"I will buy another self help book. Maybe this one will be the one."

"My lovely DH is lovely to me because we both work hard at understanding the roots of inequality and not replicating them in our marriage. We didn't get it till we had children but then suddenly we had to think really hard about it"

"My lovely DH is how men should be, and generally are. Anyone who has a problem with an anomalous abusive man has made some bad mistakes and is probably flawed themselves."

"My DH is lovely. He makes me do everything at home, and with the children, and this means I work much longer hours than him. I don't have many choices in life as he controls the money. But this is just how it is with men and women isn't it? But he takes me out to dinner on my birthday and buys flowers on our anniversary, so he is lovely."

So you can be analytic or not whatever circumstances you have ended up in

Bonsoir, good way of putting it.

In my case no, I didn't have any relationship issues before I became a feminist. And I still am, even though I have a lovely husband and a comfortable life. The injustices I noticed first were work-related - comments from professors about women studying only for their Mrs degree, comments that oh surely a man needs a higher salary as he will have a family to support etc.

vezzie it's a good point but it reverses my causality a bit I didn't mean to imply that everyone suffering injustice is a raving feminist or marxist or anything else, but rather that the people who join social movements tend to feel a sense of injustice in the world (either personally or on behalf of others)

I'm not sure.

I think in certain cases, being a victim of sexism would certainly make people think.

However, having dealt with a lot of women in abusive relationships through work, I would say many of them were so beaten by the patriarchy that they couldn't begin to imagine living in a different way IYSWIM. Thier entire framework was light years from feminism.

From a small sample of people I know if day that yes, the ones who have themselves been abused by men are more likely to be feminists than those who've had an easy life where they see the system as working for them.

Sorry for weird typo!

I don't have many bad experiences with men but I'm very feminist. I think all sorts of things can make people question inequality. I am white but am very vocal about how much I despise racism which doesn't actually affect me.
I often see things as bad treatment from men that most people think are normal behaviours.

I have been a feminist at some level since rebelling against gender stereotypes aged about six. I have never had any seriously bad experiences with men, but male privilege is pretty hard to ignore. (Though lots of people seem to manage it.)