This upset me and made me furious in equal measures...

[Misfitless]

A good friend of mine said to her DD the other day "DD, get down from there, stop climbing, you're a little girl, not a little boy!"

Just wanted to post, couldn't believe it! She is only about 6 years older than me and our DDs are the same age.

I just can't stop thinking about it, and how sad it is that girls can experience such sexism from their own mothers!

Good for you for challenging it Travel. It is utter sexist rubbish. I know that some people trot it out without thinking but that's not really an excuse.

It's so stupid. I loved climbing trees at that age. DD doesn't and never has, DS loves anything outdoorsy, including tree climbing, the muckier the better for him. But they're all a mix of course, I know when my uncle saw a very basic junior chemistry kit, he said that little boys always love making a mess and experimenting. Well, most little boys do, but as DS was 3 at the time, it was actually DD who loved making a mess and experimenting.

That brings back the time when I begged my parents for a Paul Daniels magic set as a little girl.

I was told "They're for boys!"

A magic set, Mifitless? How depressing. Presumably if you'd wanted a sparkly leotard a la Debbie McGee, that would've been ok?

I still remember last year, whilst walking through the park with my DD and hearing another mother admonishing her toddler girl (who was swishing at things with a stick she'd picked up) with the words: "are you a boy? No, you're a girl, so stop hitting things."

And after DD's soft play birthday party staring at my MIL in open-mouthed amazement when she commented on "on the little boys getting stuck in and clambering about fearlessly while the little girls watched." I wondered if she'd been at the same party as me, because what I'd seen was all the kids getting stuck in, except for two, both of whom were clearly nervous and both of whom were clearly boys!

Yet it frustrates me the other way as well - I have been told off by a friend for letting DD play with dolls, because it's "unfeminist". I replied that actually what sexist was the assumption that play that encouraged nurturing skills was "bad" simply because they are traditionally considered "feminine" traits. And another friend tsked disapprovingly at my reading DD a book which described a girl growing "into a mother". What's wrong with being a mother?!

Right after I had DD (literally right after, I was still in the hospital) my SIL came to visit with her kids. Her two DC and my DS were posed together for a picture with brand new DD and DH told them to say "cheese". To make them smile SIL said "no, say boogers" then quickly corrected herself. "No, she's a girl. Don't say boogers, that's yucky. Say 'pretty prom dresses!'"

Jesus wept.

I had a similar experience with my own mother.

My 5 yo DS was whizzing around, arms outstretched saying "I'm a pilot!". His 3 yo DD joined in and also started to say "I'm a pilot!"

My mother piped up and said to my DD "No you can't be a pilot, only boys can be pilots you can be an air hostess!"

FFs! I was livid.

I was at school in a time when boys and girls had to do certain subjects . I had to do sewing and cookery, while the boys did woodwork, metalwork and technical drawing. No girls were allowed to study the technical subjects, no boys could do the girls subjects.

Pil are a bit like this. They have a garage but use it as a utility room and never put the car in there. My niece went into the garage to get a drink and Mil pounded the conservatory windows with her fists, Mrs Robinson style, yelling at her to get out of the garage. For no other reason that she's female and shouldn't go in the garage while wearing a dress

They're also forever telling dn not to get dirty, don't walk on the grass, don't go out when it's wet etc. It's very sad to see.

Deeeepressing.

My DD had a rock climbing party for her birthday recently :o it was fab.

Hoping to find a Parkour workshop too - I've seen them locally before but she was too young at the time.

Both my DCs are constantly climbing, there is no difference between them just because one has a willy and one doesn't, FFS.

My DD is one now and I know a lot of DC her age are little climbers but I am convinced she is gifted. :o She is such an adventurous, muscly little thing...I'd be furious if anyone said anything about it!

I have one of those girls too kingbeat, refuses to wear trousers, but just tucks her skirts into her knickers and climbs anyway. I always tell her and her brother that clothes are there to keep them clean and dry, not the other way around.

All the sad stories of being refused Paul Daniels magic sets and the like reminded me of my father's brilliant story of being told he couldn't do something, which I thought I might share.

My father went to a secondary modern school back in the 1960s. When it came to choosing CSE subjects boys had a choice of woodwork or metalwork. My father detested both, so asked to learn typing. He was refused. So he rustled together two of his friends and asked again. Refused again. By this time the class had filled up and he was told there wasn't enough typewriters to accommodate him or his friends. He asked if he could go on a waiting list and have a place in the class if a typewriter became available. They said yes, just to get rid of him I suppose. He confirmed that the only reason he couldn't join the class was the lack of typewriters. Yes, they said. Great, he said, in that case I'll do needlework, no typewriters needed there. They had to let him and his friends join the class. The teacher did the best she could with 3 children who had never picked up a needle. Eventually the school relented and said he and his friends could use the old portable typewriters from the storage cupboard at the other end of the school. Every lesson they had to lug them to and from the cupboard, but he (and one of his friends, no idea what happened to the other, maybe he decided he preferred the needlework) learned to type. Which, seeing as he ended up in a professional occupation, has stood him in much better stead than woodwork or metal work would have.

I think this covers it on the toy front!

Jaw dropping, especially at boogers/prom dress and pilots/air hostesses.

My jaw really did drop when she said the prom dress thing, Puddock! Unfortunately I was too exhausted to say anything.

I also have one of those girls who will always wear a dress when given the choice. (Well, two really because DD2 will follow wherever DD1 leads).

Dresses don't have to restrict movement and free play- you can run, jump, scoot, cartwheel, climb with a dress on, although I'll admit that knicker-tucking sometimes helps!

As for all the comments above- bloody hell, how depressing.

That toy flow chart always makes me smile where :)

I have a trouser-refuser too, although not as insistent anymore. Leggings are usually worn with a skirt on top (damn the extra laundry this creates!). Doesn't generally impact her incessant activity although I do have to sometimes tell her she shouldn't wear her sparkly silver princess shoes (Santa was very generous ) to the playground.

I nearly started a similar thread a while back. The sheer stupidity relentlessness of these comments is starting to wear me down.

So far this week I've had:

She's brought a boys book home from the library. Girls really prefer stories don't they (said child had chosen a factual book about animals).

Boys are supposed to be rowdy. If they're too quiet well you know what to think, don't you.

Boys are such hard work, always running round (this from a neighbour who is constantly telling her dd to stop running/sit down).

My personal favourite though was "Does he know he's a boy?" This was to me in the park as ds2, age 2 pushed his toy buggy along (closely followed by dh pushing the real thing.

I often wonder what people think will happen if gender stereotypying breaks down. Something pretty terrible apparently.

I tried to have a discussion along these lines a while ago with a friend who told her son off for hitting my DD because she is a girl. My friend was very when I tried to defend my DD's right to be hit just as much as a boy

We're not in touch any more. I found being a parent brought all sorts of ethical issues to the fore for me.