Would you intervene if you saw a woman attacking a man?

[Aqualegia]

youtu.be?QYV6y1vH2Lk

It was really food for thought, for me.

Exactly, Four. I think you need to look into the types of violence that women suffer at the hands of men, and the 'reason' for it, for want of a better term. When it comes to VAW specifically, violence is committed as a tool of oppression - for power and control over women. For sexual and domestic 'ownership' of women (and their children). An underlying threat of male violence, or even physical strength, can be used to keep women in line.

Other FWR posters explain far more eloquently than me

I think that yes mvow is plainly an issue but seriously, if you saw any fight are you saying you would assess it's political motivations and weight against feminism first, or I don't know, do something? Because much of this thread looks bloody idiotic.

Of course not, Minnie

The thread turned into a discussion of issues raised by the message(s) of the video.

not at all, minnie, in fact I said earlier, when I have intervened I've done so without thinking it through and was a bit shocked at the risk I took afterwards.

I just had some questions that came up from the stats shown in the video. I'm sorry if my questions seem idiotic, I'm trying to understand something that's new to me. And I've found the responses really interesting.

I can tell you from bitter experience that people don't intervene and they don't call the Police either

My ExH slapped me in the face once in a busy shopping arcade on a Saturday. I had blood running down my face from my nose. No one stopped to help. A couple of people waggled their eyebrows in what I suppose might have been an 'are you ok?' way, but really, what could I have done. No one called the Police.

I might not intervene directly, especially if the perpetrator topped 6 foot and was built like a brick outhouse, but I have always called the Police, often quite ostentatiously. DH has intervened when we've been out.

four no question is ever really idiotic.

Sabrina that video was horrific to watch, it left me in tears.

I knew there was something hinky about the Mankind video, now I've read the We Killed The Mammoth blog and watched it again, it's actually quite sneaky.

Capt

So sorry, I should have added a trigger warning to that video link.

No, not at all Sabrina. It was just awful watching it, and seeing people having a good old rubberneck, but doing nothing.

Life needs a bloody trigger warning sometimes.

Sorry Capt

The Bystander Effect is well documented, OP - isn't anyone not intervening partly a manifestation of that and partly of fear for personal safety?

why does it matter who suffers more?

But if a video is going to make some kind of statement that women get help when they need help, when that is a load of bollocks inaccurate.. it's worth noting. Based on that video a person might get the idea that they need to step in when men are being hurt but conversely they might not feel the need to step in when a woman is being abuse..because "everyone else" will. It's that fact that they made the comparison in the first place to get their point across.

but seriously, if you saw any fight are you saying you would assess it's political motivations and weight against feminism first, or I don't know, do something? Because much of this thread looks bloody idiotic.

Arf at people who can't follow the thread calling it idiotic.

I have a different angle on this, really. I take the feminist perspective on this for granted; I don't question that the very large majority of abusers are men and that the very large majority of abuse is against women.

My mother was abusive and so was my ex-DH. I have spent years recovering from his abuse, with professional help.

What struck me most was that the woman in the ad was shouting like I have shouted. In other words, I am capable of abuse.

I have been blind to it, because I've seen myself as a victim. I am appalled that I am recycling it.

People won't step in because they will often see men as stronger and better able to defend themselves (so not stepping in)- and conversely, women as weaker people who aren't going to be as likely to be abusive or attack. True or not, they're both victims and I think that's just one way the whole men=strong/women=helpless/defenceless/weaker (not sure of the right word?) is expressed?

Of course, in RL, most people probably wouldn't step in whoever it is, not even calling the police

Aqua

That is my experience. My mother and father were domestically abusive to each other and both were very physically abusive to my brother and I.

My mother had very poor control over her anger and her action consequence was all gone. She was the greater aggressor toward my brother and I and we lived in fear of her and the various implements that she beat us with.

I thought that I would never repeat the cycle that I grew up with as it was such a horrible place to be. I am not that mother, needless to say.

However I was once physically violent to my husband. He has never been to me. I was exhausted with a new baby and he was being a useless arse
I was devastated by what I had done or that I was even capable of hitting him and appalled that it made me like my mum or dad or that I was following their pattern.

However DV/IPV isn't a one off in 15 yrs. I apologised and I saw a therapist about what had happened and worked through a lot of things. I also did a Self Esteem course and an Assertiveness Course

It hasn't happened again.

I'm sorry that you see yourself in your parents

Thank you for that, Ronald. It's very useful to read your experience. I admire your resolve.

Research shows that people do not always jump to a woman's aid in public either. In the following social experiment only 4/20 people intervened:

Sheesh. What on earth do you expect to see? When one version of 'public' is a seemingly isolated walking/jogging track surrounded by trees with a higher level of acted violence to boot compared to the middle of a city square surrounded by buildings and people milling about with a lower level of acted violence? Before people act they generally do a self threat assessment and in any situation were people are going to consider the real likelihood they will come to harm themselves with no body to step in they do not intervene, not from disinterest but for sake of personal safety.

On Monday they featured this video on Women's Hour on Radio 4.

www.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/series/whnews

"An advert for the charity Mankind Initiative was recently launched. Its chairman Mark Brooks says its aim is to highlight that men are also victims of domestic abuse. Mark joins Polly Neate, Chief Executive of Women's Aid to discuss if by highlighting male victims it diminishes the situation of the women who statistically are more likely to experience domestic abuse."

The woman being interviewed said they did not recommend anyone to intervene in a dispute but to call the police. This was because the person intervening could get hurt but also because there could be repercussions for the person who was being abused.

She also mentioned the statisctis which are on this site kareningalasmith.com/2013/04/29/this-thing-about-male-victims/ that SabrinaMulhollandJjones linked to.

I do not think anyone should be the victim of violence or abuse but the 40% statistic is misleading, diverting attention and funding.