Justifying long term SAHM to DDs?

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I have a few friends who, because their DHs are high (6 figure) earners, are able to be SAHMs, and have no intention of ever returning to work. These women are all at least degree educated and previously had successful careers.

I just wonder, in such a situation, how a long term SAHM encourages her DD to realise her academic/career potential, if the example she sets is that her education is only a short term requirement until she meets a high earning man?

I'm not trying to start a bun fight, I'm genuinely interested. My own mother is university educated, and has always worked in some capacity, successfully managing her own businesses with being the main carer, and encouraged me to be financially independent.

Personally, I feel I have invested too many years, and too much money, in my education and career to give it up forever after only 10-15 years. I like to think I am setting a good example to my DD that career and family are not mutually exclusive.

So how does a long term SAHM reconcile this? Am I thinking too simplistically?

But yep, I don't think the people that do it haven't tried to think if there is a better way. It's just 15 people in a room, you need to be vocal and present (apparently) to get your point across.

My post not yours Retro.

It's probably easier with some things. Others you have to be in that meeting room with everyone else.

Of course, but i'm convinced the commuter trains could easily be half emptied.

Retro can we get your ILs to do a MN guest blog? They sound like they've cracked it

an^ MN...

I'm sure there are many that could be rearranged.

But Becauseisaidso that depends on the job though, DH works from home a lot because it's solitary wherever he is so why not? It would be different and impossible if I were not on childcare duty of course. the other aspects of his job cannot be done from home and usually involve long, unsociable hours - he's a lighting designer who does stage events and hire, 4/5 of his time is prep, electronics and such like, the rest is on call or on site work. Should it all work out it's quite likely I will take some aspects over from him, as the boys grow, but some care input will always be needed.

I on the other hand cannot work at home; ev en study is impossible, personally (I am too easily distracted by anything and everything), and practically because writing a research paper with 2 autistic kids climbing over you is frankly complex. Unlike DH I need people around me to thrive, but I hugely admire the drive and discipline that he needs to work from home and for himself. Yes it's easier in some ways (not cheaper as we still rent premises for all the stock), but living on the job throws up different issues with customers calling home at 4am ('oops sorry I forgot you were in a different time zone'), and the rest of it.

To be fair they were in the right place at the right time and have got extremely sort after skills.

Kind of galling for dp as he's way more qualified and has got degrees and IT qualifications coming out of his ears.

It is interesting though that companies can come up with the goods- when they have to.

I think many would contribute towards equipment if they could do more work from home as they'd save £££££ on commuting,childcare and egg more time with their dc.

Get.

Yes, of course it depends on the job. When I was what they call "an individual contributor" (a programmer that executes a specific task to requirement) I could have easily worked from home all day long; some of my very senior sysadmin friends still do. But I went the architectural/management way and for that, I just needed to be there most of the time, more as I became more senior.

Yes dp is managerial now.Said inlaws aren't.

Sometimes you have to be in that room thrashing out whatever it is with everyone else. The people I know that do the crazy hours are doing that, mostly.

It completely depends on the job. A surgeon will kinda need to be in the operating theatre and when I was a lawyer, I needed to be in the court room.

But so many jobs could be more flexible. One of the main reasons they're not is that the fifteen people in the meeting room are men with wives doing all the domestic duties (and posting proudly on MN that they do everything precisely so their DH can live in work).

My DH could very well have been one of those men. He's a managing partner in one of the world's largest law firms.

But I utterly refuse to let him dip out of all domestic responsibility. That's not good for anyone! Least of all him. Of course there are times when he has to travel or go to meetings, but there are more times when he sets up his own timetable which includes working from home, doing the school run, attending parents evening, empying the dishwasher...

I deliberately seek to minimise meetings but some jobs have to be face top face. Female surgeons have to be there for however long the operation takes. Some court cases are 40 day trials and the barristers, male and female, have to be there in court. Anyway for many many women being home and doing what you do there is not a balanced life. It is boring as it just is one aspect of life - missing out the work area, professional success which for many is part of that holistic thing which is a good balanced life.

Personally, I fervently hope never to have managerial responsibilities again doing the actual skilled work is much more satisying (and I can stay in my yoga clothes and ponytail surrounded by my eccentric doo-dahs all day)

Word, that is the kind of example that we need! I know exactly what you mean; when I was single and working in the City, I was competing against guys who knew they'd get home to a cooked dinner, and didn't need to run around doing errands in their spare time (buying my flat was a freaking nightmare). If the senior people, male or female, set an example of flexibility it is very likely to trickle down.

There's lots of ways to work from home, flexibly, be involved in work and get paid it's not actually that hard once you get started and the ball is rolling. But it's still mainly women doing that rather than doing the long hours.

It is boring as it just is one aspect of life - missing out the work area, professional success which for many is part of that holistic thing which is a good balanced life.

Speak for yourself. I am not bored. I find being a SAHP more interesting than when I went out to work. I choose how to organise my day.

I beg your pardon Jane.

Says you.

What utter rot.

I suppose what I'm saying is that his job still affords him plenty of time with his family.

It is doable for a parent of either sex, providing they have the right support.

Nearly all his senior colleagues are parents. In fact, I can't think of any who aren't. But a diminishingly small number are women .

But so many jobs could be more flexible. One of the main reasons they're not is that the fifteen people in the meeting room are men with wives doing all the domestic duties

Yes! Exactly That.

I think I just know some very hard working people, with or without the wife at home they'd still have to do it. And if they didn't someone else would.

JaneParker -ah! dear dear! knew you would pop up soon, why do you bother changing your name ?

Dh also has to show domestic input.

My 'job' is the boys, and given that means juggling 4 schools, therapies, 3 statements and all the rest that is not a part time thing.

Domestic is shared, although I always cook as I like it.

More to the point barrack why does she keep picking such dull NNs? At least X sounded glamourous, this is like being chided by a succession of Mother's Union members