Gender neutral names

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I've seen people make comments that if you dress or raise your child in a gender neutral way they "hope you all give your kids unisex names".

But I don't see the two as equal do you? Clothing has always been much more practical for boys where a name can't be practical or impractical (with in reasons) and I believe that if we go toward "gender neutral" names we won't actually get gender neutral we'll get boys names...and lose women's names and history.

We have a third child due soon and we we don;t know the sex. We have two names in mind both are very obviously one sex or another. The boys name I chose because I liked it.. I didn't over think it to be perfectly honest..Although I think it would be seen as a "strong" name by a lot of people due to historical connotations.

The girl's name I chose a strong female child character from a book I grew up loving and the 2 middle names are a.) after a good friend that I respect and b.) after a suffragette All names are "ultra feminine" by most people's definitions. And would probably not be seen as "strong" unless you knew all the context or maybe because they are women's names they would just be seen as pretty..iyswim?

but I don't want to love women's history by having it meld in to just men's history either and have us lose our identity? Sorry for being mostly rambling.. But if you understand what I mean, I'd love to hear your thoughts?

That is supposed to say I'm not keen in gender neutral names.

Yes, v depressing. Like people putting their daughters in for football but would never dream of sending a son to ballet. They'd put a girl in blue but "you couldn't put a boy in PINK!" Etc.

Damn it, if you have a boy you need to name him Alice or Fenella or something. It's your feminist duty.

Yes, tiwi, I think people will make assumptions anyway

amber I'll do my best.. Fenella is practically Finlay anyway, I could totes get away with it.

I think we're having a generation with stongly gendered names. I'd avoid the prissy names and go for a grown up name, the classic judge test. Or a name with a strong historic character associated with it (Aphra, Eleanor, Margaret!). Or names with harsh consonant sounds, germanic rather than latin sounding names.

Agree that all the so called neutral names are actually male but that is because male is always the default. Did you know when Shirley became a girls name? It was because of Charlotte Bronte's book.

And DS is wearing cotton tights under his dungerees today. Much better at stopping him scratch his eczema than socks that get pulled off. He's also drinking from a pink cup and was playing with his dolls house today. When we read 'Dear Zoo' this afternoon I alternated the sex of the animals. Gender neutral parenting does not always mean defaulting to male.

People aren't asking for parenting advice, OP. You said, with regard to choosing a gendered name, 'I do raise my children gender neutrally though and wondered if other people see that as hypocritical. Just interested to hear why if so.'

The answer a few different posters have made, in a roundabout way, is that either a. they don't see that you are raising your child in a gender neutral way or b. they don't understand what you mean by gender neutral parenting so can't see why names would be an issue.

I have read articles by and blogs of people carrying out gender neutral parenting, and they dress their child in a wide variety of clothes, including ones stereotyped as for boys and those for girls. They give their children the full range of toys to play with and say that the child can choose to be a boy or a girl or neither. They avoid mentioning the gender of other children and try to avoid splitting into boys and girls. They would say, 'that child over there,' rather than, 'that boy over there.' It makes sense that they would give a child a gender neutral name because clothes, toys, activities are temporary while a name is permanent, and they don't want to choose a gender for their child, but they want them to have the opportunity to experience stereotypical boy and girl things and everything inbetween.

I don't see that you limiting off the hyper feminine end of childhood culture requires a gender neutral name, but it would seem at odds with certain female names. I am perhaps opposite to you in that I limited certain elements of hyper masculinity, and I suppose there might have been some masculine names I would not have picked, but I don't think that DS needed a gender neutral name, although I did consider Rowan, as it is a lovely name.

lego my name checks both of your boxes

Very historical and also a brilliant character from a children's book.. and Old English/Germanic. I also think she'd make a brilliant judge

I had no idea Shirley was ever a man's name

Evelyn is a gender neutral name that does not default to masculine….most would assume Evelyn is a girl.

Evelyn is a good example- it would be very odd to fins a boy called Evelyn nowadays. Onc a name becomes identifiably female, no boy is ever called it. It's OK to call a girl a boy's nam- but not the other way round.

Slightly off topic, I have a (male) friend, about 60 years old, called Valentine. His been teased about it all his life. His parents are from Hungary, where the name used to be relatively common.

Myself, I would have name-changed, but Valentine is stubborn. Poor fellow.

There is a male Valentin in my daughter's class at school. Dominique is also often a boys name in Belgium.

Thanks lime. More eloquent than I was.

Again, why the issue with girls names? Florence wasn't particularly neutral. I have more issue maybe with Grace forcing a child to be graceful when clumsy might more naturally be them. I hated peaches but can't say it's held geldofs child back....? In fact she's altered my view if that still rather bad name but she's made it hers. I don't want wipe feminity out. I am proud of it. But it's just one part of me.

Jocelyn, Hilary, Vivian, Lindsay, Sandy, Ashley, Julian, Evelyn, Marion all of these names have been in common use for both male and female babies within the last 150 years. Some, even closer to now.

Both of my DS's have one definitely masculine name and a more ambiguous one, they both had long hair and wore all the colours of the rainbow, so no, bringing up a child in a more gender neutral way doesn't always mean bringing them up as male as possible, it can actually mean that you make a conscious decision not to force 'typical' gender norms on them, and allow them to express themselves as they wish. I am immensely proud of both of them and the young men they have grown up to be.

I have a genuinely gender neutral name, the only one besides Alex that I've heard used regularly for both boys and girls. Every single job I've ever applied for, I've had an interview at least and been offered all but two (out of about 11) even the ones I had few or no qualifications for. My cv is pretty good (if eclectic!) but not so good that I'd expect that level of success. I wonder if my name has anything to do with it?

That's the thing cailin are we then wiping everything we are away on a premise it was your name that got you your jobs?

This seems ridiculously limiting.

Lego I have a Margaret and that was one of the reasons I picked it...not a "prissy" name to my ears, though I do call her Maggie Rose a lot. :)

Names definitely make a difference Minnie - it doesn't wipe everything out, but it gives you a nudge. I know this because I have a surname which suggests I'm from a certain part of the world (I'm not, the surname is used elsewhere too), and have been interviewed for 3 different jobs (each of which I got) where that assumption has been a key reason for giving me the interview (having spoken to people once I had been in the job for a while).

That nudge - getting you in front of the right people is definitely beneficial, but not solely responsible for you getting the job. I see no reason that first names shouldn't be the same.

Thinking about it, a gender neutral name isn't for you, or the child, but for the outside world, in the hopes that they'll continue to treat your child as you do for as long as possible I think. Which makes it a work-around to a problem rather than something you should be doing for its own sake IYSWIM?

No you can't dismiss the fact that names will make a difference on a CV, the same way that a "white English" name will have a better chance than a name not seen that way. (in most cases). Chunky is the assumption you can speak another language?

Cailin would have got any job on her own merits but maybe wasn't held back because of her name.

I think Margaret is a really nice name Yank, I don't know how well it would go down in the UK anymore though!

both language, and that I'll share culture/work ethic

Note though that whilst I don't speak the assumed language, and I'm not from that culture, I was fully qualified for the roles and got them - the name got me my interview place though (I watched subsequent hiring, and there was huge bias - not in this country, and not from me I hasten to add - but HR unapologetically binned CVs)

I think Margaret is a really nice name Yank, I don't know how well it would go down in the UK anymore though!

It will revive again. DS would have had Margaret as a middle name if he hadn't been a boy. Actually his name is a very 'manly' name and everyone says 'Oh, that's a name for him to grow into'. It's so funny, such a different reaction to the girls names.

Minnie, no, I am in no way saying it's right that I got interviews because of my name. In fact I'm saying it's totally wrong and shows how limiting sexism is when a "girly" name holds you back. Or perhaps not that a girly name is problem but a manly name is a plus. I wonder if I would have got those interviews if I'd been called Pixie Mae. I should have but somehow I doubt it.
The answer however is not giving every girl a neutral name but working towards a situation where the name is irrelevant. That's a tall order though. I wonder how many Kaydens or Tylers will be MPs in 20 years. Names don't just hold women back.