I am completely and utterly beautiful, body wise.

[Reality]

I was going to have this as an AIBU but then I thought, nah, you lot will get it. I hope so, anyway.

I got out of the shower and was standing in my bedroom in bra and pants, putting the washing away. I caught sight of myself in the mirror and literally thought 'fuckeroo'.

I'm 33 and have had three children, and my body shows all the signs of that. I have a huge skintag, some ill thought out tattoos and lots of scars and stretchmarks. Just so you know I'm not talking about some magazine standard of beautiful

But honestly, I had a bit of a moment. It's a beautiful thing. I've grown three whole people in it, for a start, but it's more than that, it's my body and my skin and I live in it and it's amazing. I've probably abused it more than the average person with hard living and self harm, but it's kept me safe and healthy. And it looks FABULOUS. I was all glowy and scrubbed from the shower, and I was just blown away by how gorgeous and amazing my body is.

Anyway, the moment was fairly fleeting, and it was broken by DD warbling and DS1 telling her to shut up, usual morning service was resumed. But I wanted to share it in a sisterhood kind of way, and urge you all to find those moments.

Happy monday!

absolutely. i'm 35 +3 with dc3, & most of all i'm amazed that oncee more my body has gone from fairly standard, if on the short side, to round all over with a huuuge bump! How fricking amazing is that?! & what's more, inside is a person i'm going to adore just as much as dds 1 & 2!

It's strange how conditioning makes us seek out and see negatives a lot of the time. I had huge (warning, stealth boast here) positives after a couple of children because I had zero stretch marks, tummy flab or droopy breasts.* But did it make me love my body? No - because I couldn't get past the fact that I have short legs and thunder thighs in an era when women were supposed to be stick thin with legs up to their armpits. Gazing at all the wonderful jeans and trousers and knowing that even if I could get the bastards past my knees I would have to lop four inches off the bottoms. I kept trying these things on under the illusion that my legs would have stretched vertically and shrunk horizontally overnight. Nah, never happened.

It is only since I reached the age of invisibility that I don't give a monkey's and think OK - I will always be pear shaped: dieting would only turn me from a Williams Pear into a Conference Pear and you know what? These stumpy legs have served me well. I've run marathons on them, played hours of sport, cycled more miles than I care to remember, so they may not be pretty but they are damn useful.

I think I must have been at least 60 before I got to that point, so given that most of you are way younger than me and have already picked up on the important things you are clearly a heck of lot smarter than I was.

*By the way, the post baby look was sheer genetic luck on the part of my skin - I've had three knee ops and the scars are so fine they are practically invisible.

Sorry if I appear a bit frivolous but as I get older I find I take things less seriously than I used to, so no good looking at me for deep and thoughtful feminist musings on the body

I am enjoying this thread though. And Murder - you are so right about priorities.

Not just have our bodies done all these great things, they've hopefully given us all a lot of pleasure along the way (and a few men and/or women we've shared them with too).

I have to wonder if these brief moments that women report in this thread (and I have read of it elsewhere) when they look in the mirror and recognise they are beautiful, I wonder if they are not transient moments of proper clarity? Many higher order animals that see a reflection of themselves mistake it as being another living creature. Only humans, some species of ape and an elephant or two can make the higher order distinction the reflection is 'self'. Perhaps one part of the human brain sees the reflection momentarily as another person and judges that person/image on that basis, as another person entirely disconnected from self image. Then higher order brain functions kick in, resulting in an initial connection to 'self' and therefore a positive response reaction that, unfortunately, is eventually pushed aside by complex/deeper connections to internalised self-image. Hmmm- I am sure fields of research could test for something like that- response reactions to momentary exposure to your own image Vs the images of others. Sorry... kind of went off the beaten path there.

This is a lovely thread.

I used to be anorexic as a teenager, but in my mid 30s I now have a much better relationship with my body. I do actually still try not to look at it to be honest , but I am broadly happy that I am now a 'normal' weight and I am happy with my body shape. I do admire my body in new ways since having children - I was ill before dc3 was born but my body kept her going until the birth, and then when I became very ill immediately after that birth my body managed to recover itself ok (following medical treatment, but it still did pretty well). Also breastfeeding is quite impressive in it's own way (though odd that I lived in my body for such a long time before discovering I could actually breastfeed a baby!).

Also, just to be clear, nowhere in any of my posts...

Sorry Penguins, my first response was a mix between what you wrote and thoughts derived from feedback left by women from the site fuckwittery linked earlier in the thread, it blended together too much and came out as purely springing from what you wrote.

Except that you have to go the extra mile and askwhymen have that filter....

I think its a broader issue for men, if women carry the societal baggage of 'beauty' men carry a broader baggage of 'performance', of which physical self image is a part. My personal opinion is that people always tend to carry the same weight of suitcases, but they swap suitcases. I think over decades the burden of 'performance' has been diminishing for men but they have been swapping suitcases for more critical body self image. Its a personal opinion I formed that may be totally incorrect. I think the media and society in general contributed to that shift, absolutely, but I don’t think they so much 'created' the problem as they encouraged a change of suitcases.

But what if an accurate assessment simply is that you aren't that attractive?

I guess I could take your question and give an abstract answer like 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' or 'everyone is beautiful in their own way'- or some such- but I will give you a more down to earth opinion. You asked earlier where I got the 25% figure from, the 25% represents what I think is the upper limit of the percentage of women who seem to make a fair and reasonable assessment of their own physical attractiveness in relation to other women. In my opinion only 25% of women who feel unattractive have to deal with the 'reality' of being unattractive and 75% are needlessly harsh on themselves. Women seem to compartmentalise themselves into 'ugly bits' they don’t like and give them defining importance and yet can even mistake those 'very worst' bits as being unattractive. The percentages my vary but my opinion is hardly unique, I am far from the only man/husband/lover ever driven to distraction by a woman who cant seem to see her own physical beauty.

So your question, IMO, is relevant to only 25% of women who feel the way they do. That proportion need to find some way of dealing with the cards life and circumstance has dealt them, and life can have many sad and cruel twists. But against that- 75% do not need to come to terms with anything more than realising they were not looking at their cards clearly. The problem is all 100% believe they are that 25% and having to confront the validity of self opinion on self is something people are loath to do, invalidating body image is safer than invalidating self. Its far easier and in some ways safer to judge badly than it is to question your own judgements, doubly so when your the judge of yourself. Umm... does that make sense?

My body is not beautiful by the standards of popular media. I am missing a leg. What my body has done for me far exceeds beauty. It has been battered and torn but has managed to carry three children within it. My body can dance, swim, ski and make love. My body is missing symmetry but has strength.