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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

What is the Worst Thing You Can Call a Woman?

86 replies

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 00:40

Love this quote.

?What?s the worst possible thing you can call a woman? Don?t hold back, now. You?re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank. Now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, bitch, pussy. I?ve even heard the term ?mangina.? Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult, now tell me that?s not royally fucked up.? ― Jessica Valenti

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EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 13:51

It sounds like you are saying it is the fault of the victim in they get upset at getting called names?

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garlicnuts · 31/08/2012 13:55

Agree, some over-thinking may be in evidence. Also quite a few 'facts' based on rigid gender assumptions.

As another 5'8", sturdy peasant type, I've often been thought a transsexual (I'm a hetero woman). This happens mostly in countries where people are smaller & lighter of build, women tend to have more pronounced femininity - and there is an accepted social stratum of intersex 'women'. It's no more than a genuine social error in those circumstances. (I was once followed all the way through a mall by a gaggle of teenage girls, hotly debating whether I'm a man or woman! Didn't let them know I understood, just chuckled to meself.)

Over here, if anyone tries to insult me by calling me 'like a man' or 'a tranny', I ask them what they mean. What they mean is always something I'm content with; they're just displaying their own preconceptions & sexism. Oh, exception: I can't wear frilly frocks: to be fair, I do look like a badly-dressed transvestite in them!! Especially if my hair's gone flicky-up at the ends.

I've had loads of arguments interesting discussions with retrograde, hetero males who've done the "OMG, I went to pub and realised it was a GAY bar!!" horror display. What they find scary is that they think (conceitedly) that they'll become prey for all those scary gay men. What this shows is that they think of themselves as predators in a mixed, hetero situation. They've also never registered that the majority of the women they 'prey' upon have politely rebuffed them, just as they could if a gay man were to hit on them.

What about cultural differences? Arab cultures may be horrendously sexist, but their insults are mostly penis-related: "Describing someone as a 'fatah' (foreskin) is considered a grave insult"

This is an entertaining, informative page!

LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:01

No, I haven't said that at all, Eats.
But if the recipient of an insult has the confidence, brass neck or whatever to deny the 'validity' of an insult, then the insult loses its power.

So, for example, if a stereotypical straight man calls me 'greasy faced, grey haired old dyke' then, however rude that is, it only holds its value as an 'insult' if I actually desire the approval of that man. Without my desire for that man's approval, what he has just said is simply an ill mannered comment.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 14:03

Yes that is true. And certainly all feminists should react that way to any insults that are mosogynist - so anti lesbian, anti woman.

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garlicnuts · 31/08/2012 14:03

YY, Mango, and calling me a foreskin is never going to work Grin

You have to choose your insult according to your victim.

garlicnuts · 31/08/2012 14:05

Oh, I've just remembered somebody did once tell me "I spit upon your ancestors". This was clearly meant to indicate deep loathing. Unfortunately for him, my only reaction was - well, none.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 14:06

garlic - Yes men do betray in these discussions that they think of themselves as predatory and find the idea of being on the receiving end of a predator horrifying.

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LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:08

"I spit upon your ancestors"

'You'll have a job trying to find them' would be my response to that...

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 14:11

I would laugh if someone said that to me! Because seriously that is not an insult anyone in the UK is going to take seriously

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LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:15

You've hit the nail on the head, though, Eats.
The power of an insult depends on its being 'taken seriously'.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 14:20

Yes although I am in my 40's and it is easy to dismiss an insult. As a teenage girl or young woman I did not have the confidence to react in the same way. And any woman being called the same insult over a period of time will be demoralised by it

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Greythorne · 31/08/2012 14:22

I think 'nonce' is the worst insult I can think of for a man and that is traditionally reserved for men, not transferred as a slur for women.

LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:28

I certainly agree WRT to teenage girls, Eats, and the amount of lasting damage that can be done by screwing someone up during those very important years is horrific - as is the thought of someone being eroded over years and years by relentless bullying.
But this is why I think misogynistic insults need to be detonated by attention being called to their sheer, utter, surreal buffoonish stupidity rather than homage being paid in any shape or form to their 'power'.

WizardofOs · 31/08/2012 14:30

I was called a cunt a few times in my younger days (by men) and although I was a bit shocked the first couple of times I was far more wounded by a female friend calling me a 'body facist'. It was years ago and the unfairness still stings and at the time I was not confident enough to defend myself as much as I should have.

IslaValargeone · 31/08/2012 14:32

Telling me "You're like your mother" would finish me off tbh.

LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:33

Isla Grin - that's terrible!

blackcurrants · 31/08/2012 14:36

It seems to me that the worst thing you call a mother is 'selfish' mothers are supposed to be entirely selfless.

LastMangoInParis · 31/08/2012 14:41

blackcurrants there are so many 'faults' which would generally be seen as very minor, yet for a mother are widely regarded as inexcusable. You're right, 'selfishness' is seen as a cardinal sin, for sure.

ethelb · 31/08/2012 14:53

When I was about 8 my mother said to me:

"It is awful the way that men can call women all these horrible things like cow and bitch. But its ok because you can always call them a prick!" Grin

I think she was drunk as she hates swearing.

confuddledDOTcom · 31/08/2012 21:35

I agree, coolragdoll. My brother used to be heartbroken over "Your mum's got no legs" but it didn't bother me. I'd ask him why it did because well d'uh... it's not true, and he said that it's his mum they're talking about. I used to say "but it's not true and it's not hurting her, so what?" The funny thing is I was badly bullied at school (physically and excluded, names didn't bother me when I was getting my head kicked in most days - in primary BTW) and he was the sort you wouldn't mess with, not a bully but he looks scary.

kim147 · 31/08/2012 21:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 23:16

Cunt is a harsher swear word because we live in a patriarchial misogynistic society. Insulting someone through the use if female genitals thus has much more power than insulting them through the use of male genitals. Remember women and thus their genitals, have much lower status than men.

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NellyJob · 31/08/2012 23:18

maybe but....
don't you think that calling a man a 'prick' or a 'knob' is more belittling? (lol)

EatsBrainsAndLeaves · 31/08/2012 23:24

We dont tend to call women pricks or nobs though. And that is a reflection of womens lower social status.

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kim147 · 31/08/2012 23:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.