Stressed men fancy bigger women....

[SardineQueen]

Can anyone explain to me what a useful purpose of this study might be?

BBC

Oh jeez. I thought HQ introduced the Fem Chat topic to prevent these very academic debates that invariably end up with the Radfems patting each other on the back for being the proper feminists and accusing everyone who disagrees on any point of being allied to the patriarchy or anti-feminist

That worked well then...

peaksandtroughs just wanted to say those are three very interesting points

TheDoctrineOfEnnis I believe status is heavily bound up in attraction. Its rare for people to have the psychological independence to think 'I like who I like and f*ck what anyone else thinks'. People invest a huge amount in public approval because we are so gregarious as a species.

That's very true FoodUnit. Even on here we see 'I met an amazing guy...But my mum/dad/brother/sister/aunt/friend hates him.'

It can be even harder when strangers disapprove, my ex was extremely attractive but not at all bright (as well as abusive, sadly) when we were in public we used to get looks because acquaintances would be like 'Why is Lurking dating such an idiot?' So of course I became very defensive and paranoid, convinced myself he was 'The One' and no one could possibly understand, etc etc.

The public has a very set idea of who belongs with who. Based on looks, I should be hanging off some revolting footy player's arm, or if my piercings and tatts are on display, I should be in some basement getting high with a greasy high school drop out.

People rarely see beyond the physical and see that someone's intellect, political affiliations and wit etc are often the true factors that determine 'who ends up with who.'

Yet as a society we hold on to these notions. Genuine question, why?

I wonder if this is more the case now than in the past - I mean, since the photograph the 'acceptable face' and 'acceptable body' has become increasingly standardised, and increasingly possible to grade in a scale. I'm sure prior to the photograph there was much more disagreement and contention about good looks. I imagine there's always been a pleasing narrative of handsome prince/beautiful princess, but each individual would imagine that slightly differently - probably influenced by the people they'd found attractive previously.

I also think the whole 'this is what you must find attractive' actually encourages racism. Not all races have huge boobs/bum/hips or thin noses or big baby blues.

'this is what you must find attractive' actually encourages racism' it doesn't just encourage racism, but sexism, ablism - every sort of dehumanisation/othering. When it is white men pushing all 'norms' upon us and white men 'analysing' these prescribed norms that are adopted to make assumptions about everyone even - gasp- people who are not white or not male (you mean they actually exist?), it is a highly insular, circular sphere of 'knowledge'.

It is really poor science to not include the 'dominant group perspective' bias that findings will tend towards.

When a man is facing difficulties in his life, what could be more comforting than the idea of getting back to Mum. Obvious. Stands to reason.

Well that's what I think.

What if his mum was skinny?

So all mums are fat now?

Ooh...Not a smart comment to make on MUMSnet

If people are going to keep raising difficulties, it's hard to see how we'll ever get anywhere.

But if you want a (more or less) serious explanation, then think of the comfort a child finds from his (or could be her) mother when s/he's hurt or frightened. I don't think the memory of being protected by one's mother, almost forgotten when one is an adult, has much to do with the mother's actual appearance. It's more the feeling of safety, the way that one's mother kept trouble away. And I'm suggesting that a man who's in need of reassurance might find his tastes biased towards a woman who looks as if she can supply both physical and psychological comfort. In fact there might even be a component of avoiding the qualities that we call "sexy" because that would conflict with the feelings of needing to be mothered.

Just speculating, you know.

Sorry if I offended you Tei, you have a valid point I was just poking fun. :)

Oh, and I was having fun too. In both postings.