Police: Really horrible attitudes towards DV

[chipped]

Want to share this as its haunting me.

A friend works with a man who was recently arrested as he hit his wife during an argument. When he finished work the police were waiting for him and arrested him (as she had called them). All as it should be. He is now on bail. He allegedly regrets what happened but has told my friend that he was horrified at the attitudes of police during his arrest and throughout the proceedings. Gems include "bloody women, ay?"; "women have far too many rights these days" and even the officer checking him in (or whatever you call it) sharing an impressive anecdote about hitting his own wife who dared to report him but he "got away with it". He said they showed him overwhelming support (which he didn't even want). This is someone they have just arrested for a violent crime!

The solicitor strongly advised him to plead guilty as the case would just be dropped due to lack of evidence/witnesses. He refused to and solicitor was irritated and mystified by this.

I have never met this man abd have no personal interest in him and the case but am so haunted by this. What hope is there? On a positive note he fully plans to complain once it is all over but as someone who will have a conviction (unnecessarily according to the solicitor) I don't suppose it'll carry much weight.

Sir - it's a lovely idea, but one sniff of those sorts of shenanigans without due process and the case would never make it to trial - oh, that it were like Frost!

Ah, completely right, Jodie,

I recently had the head of Child Protection that a 12 yr old wearing shorts in her own home could provoke a paedophile leaning out of his bedroom window to see her so she should dress more conservatively.
True story.

Really sorry, wasn't in any way trying to minimise this topic at all.

Julia, that doesn't surprise me - once youv'e worked in Child Protection for more than about 18 months (and usually your term there is fairly swiftly curtailed to prevent a total mental collapse...) you see paedophiles everywhere, from what I've heard.

Don't make it right of course - also, not entirely sure how that sheds light on the possibility that an entire police station appears to be staffed with out-n-proud champions of domestic abuse.

Not read every post.

But I worked with the police and have dealt with domestic violence and seen the police reaction to this. My Dad was also a serving officer for a long time.

This is a typical thing, he thinks those things and is trying to get the power and control back over his victim. Pleading Not Guilty is also a sign of his perception that he is innocent.

The police in my experience deplor violence of any type thats why they wanted to be the police to serve the community etc. You get the odd one that can be on a power trip but these are few and far between and totally in the minority.

He is either Lieing, or is taking things out of context from the interview, (I once saw an interview tape of one of policeman agreeing with a peadofile to try and get information out about the crimes he had committed, should point out this police officer is God Father to my DD and I would trust him implicitly with her care but that was his job. I saw the tape as part of my job,) or is simply trying to reinforce the point the DW was stupid to complain.

Julia seriously? What the what the fuckity fuck what?

In what context? Is it your manager or was it something in the papers or what? I'm really shocked.

I don't believe the police officer in question said that at all.

Domestic Abusers will lie. Repeatedly. And they'll do this in order to minimise their actions. If they can make people believe the police were "on their side", they will.

With regards to the "no witnesses/evidence" claptrap. They'll have his statement. They'll have medical records of any injuries that the abuser's wife/partner suffered.

I just don't believe this.

The DAU where I live were a fantastic help to me, when I needed it. Male and female officers alike.

I hope no-one is ever put off contacting the police by reading this kind of confused nonsense.

Chipped, thanks for sharing that.
That's how police behaves up here.

I also believed that what had happened to me was an exception. Through various organizations and abuse charities, the number of DV and rape victims mistreated by the police forces is incredibly high, at least in Scotland.
They pat on the back the rapist and the abuser and if that woman had justice on the end, she's lucky. I found myself in the position of being turned to shreds by two police officers while my ex (reported for DV, various abuses and rape) had a nice pat on his back.

The number of people posting here and not believing this guy who boasted about his actions shows that... many people have not a direct knowledge of how hard is to report someone to the police (for any crime) andended up getting accused instead.

It's not just about me. A friend of mine, living in Sussex, reported her husband. Police was called at her address for any kind of abuse and violence many times. After she filed for divorce and tried to move away, her husband went to the police and reported that she had stolen some stuff. Police believed him and she got detained. If I was the police, sorry but I wouldn't believe someone who had tried his best to see her killed too.

Path to make police forces aware we're not the liars is still very long.

I've to add that I lived in fear of the police even longer than I did of my ex. Which speaks volume about the psychological consequences that such a behaviour can have on a victim/survivor.

@LineRunner -- this kind of behaviour does put off women from reporting.
In fact it's quite ridiculous that police forces advertise that abused or raped women should come forward and than a high percentage are mistreated like that (believe me, it's very very high). I've been trying for months to collect names of survivors mistreated by police or even prosecuted after a report in order to start a campaign that the police forces should be trained about DV and rape and they should be up-to-date about everything. You'd shudder seeing the video of my "detention" and how it is full of rape and DV myths. the number of excuses they made up to convince me to recant the statement is unbelievable.

Anyway, for the non-believers about police forces believing silly myths, also have a look at the thread about the West Murcia police.

Merlin, no-one's disputing that the police do, at times, have a really shitty attitude towards DV.

What's being disputed is the fact that an abuser apparently had his actions condoned by a member of the police force, after being arrested for DV. Abusers lie to make their abuse seem like it's "not that big a deal". (Remember that old adage - only rapists think every other man is a rapist? It applies to domestic abusers as well.)

I can fully believe members of the police force buying into domestic abuse myths. Just four years ago, I had a member of West Midlands Police phone me, the day after I'd had my ex arrested for assaulting me, asking if I was willing to drop the charges, as the ex was all remorseful, and it was a drunken mistake. (He was back within the hour) However, I don't believe for one minute that the things the officer in the OP apparently said were said. We only have the word of the abuser on this, and they're hardly the most reliable people.

It's not so much I don't believe police can't have sexist attitudes, it's that I don't believe a cop bragged about abusing his position of power to hide DV from his wife and all the other cops agreed....In front of a detainee!

That's just a blatant lie.

Well Mildew and Lurking, it's true that abusers will say whatever and very often what they say is just a bunch of lies but given that we can't know what that officer said... mmm.. don't know, I could figure out that at least few officers are bragging about stupid stuff or maybe, as someone said previously, he wanted to make the abuser feel at ease and pleading guilty... No idea.

What I can say is that it couldn't be impossible that someone at the police station reassured that guy about him getting away with what he had done.
Unfortunately I've firsthand knowledge of such facts :(