Why is the patriarchy so god-damned afraid of female sexuality?

[AxlRosesLeatherTrousers]

I was reading about the Olympic volleyball matches that took place yesterday. As we all know all the female volleyball teams wear skimpy bikinis to play in. The article (to my shame in the DM ) was banging on about the voyeurism from the crowds and there was a Benny Hill theme etc. I thought well it's all in good fun and if the men have something to ogle surely the women do too. Scrolled down to see the men volleyball players in sleeveless vests and shorts to the knee. So obviously the female volleyball players don't need to wear bikinis in order to play properly as the male players have more than double the clothing on than the women do. So it it purely for voyeurism. Which I would actually be fine with if it went both ways.

I mean if men get something to ogle at every bloody corner they turn on (billboards, magazines, page 3 etc), why the hell shouldn't women get the same? I want to see bloody Ryan Gosling or Ryan Renyolds in the buff on a massive billboard in the same way Eva Herzigova was with the "Hello Boys" Wonderbra adverts.

I just don't understand why they're so bloody afraid of female sexuality? We're all human and honestly men and women probably think about sex for roughly the same amount of time on any given day despite what the media would have you think! The uproar over the 50 Shades books (which I haven't read btw). OMG "Mummy Porn" FFS! Men look at how many bloody female naked bodies on any given day, yet if women read I mean READ not look at an erotic novel there is an uproar, it's actual news. I mean hello, half the population are women, it's not news to us. I've read my fair share of erotic fiction, why should that be a shock? Why are only men allowed to be sexual in any kind of way? I mean of course women should look sexual and available at all times but to actually have sexual thoughts OMG lets put it on the news.

I remember when I was a teenager having a conversation with my then boyfriend (cheating wanker), my best friend and her then boyfriend (also a cheating wanker) about masturbation. Of course both lads were all yeah do it several times a day. My best friend then flat out denied she'd ever done it (yeah right girl who you kidding), I said hell yeah I did. The bloody skitting and abuse I got off both lads was then unbelievable. I went on a massive feminist rant and told my boyfriend that I'd had to do it even more since being with him as he was shite in bed. We didn't last long after that anyway.

But my point being why do women have to deny their sexuality, desires etc just because (certain) men can't handle it? I know any man worth his salt is not intimidated by female sexuality and is turned on by it rather than running away from it. Are all the wankers who are intimidated by it just sexist arseholes anyway? Or do they just fall hook line and sinker for everything the patriarchy feeds them?

Oh, yes, I was just going to mention Bones in that context!

That at least has a main female character who, though she's attractive, is also socially awkward and gets the guy despite doing lots of the pearl-clutchy 'unattractive' things.

Messy, yes I thinking exactly along those lines. I was watching Run Fatboy Run last night and as much I think Simon Pegg is great he's not attractive, yet he gets Thandie Newton in the end. Also the supposed guy who's a step up for Thandie than Simon Pegg's character is Hank Azaria who again really isn't that attractive! You never see an unattractive woman get the gorgeous guy just because she's really funny and great company.

And LRD I love Bones for all the reasons you've outlined.

It is mostly because women are seen as sexual objects, in the grammatical sense - sex is something which is done to us, rather than we do to someone else.

Plus you have all the societal conditioning that women don't really/shouldn't like sex and if they do there must be something wrong with them - slut-shaming, cougars, man-eaters etc.

If women are having sex for fun, fewer of them would want/need be stuck in relationships/marriages providing domestic services to men, so the patriarchy loses out.

By enforcing rigid rules for acceptable female sexuality, the patriarchy gets free workforce - which is why single mothers, lesbians and promiscuous women come in for such a hard time as they don't fit this mould.

Patriarchal thinking runs along the lines of 'If women decide they like sex and want to have it on their own terms, it'll be the end of the world.' As BC says, women who embrace autonymous sexuality are less interested in being one man's property when they could have several different men to play with.

I've been involved in the production of porn for women over the years, and the same problem persists: it's not that women don't like it, or aren't 'visual', or even the quality of the product not being good enough. It's because the majority of people with power in the publishing industry are men and they continually insist that 'My wife wouldn't look at anything like that therefore it won't sell.'

And for all the hype about women loving 50 Shades, most of the really full on bitchy, angry and brilliant takedowns of those wretched books are written by women (and it's also notable that the first volume is massively outselling the others; a lot of people are buying Book 1 out of curiousity, realising how shit it is and not bothering with the others.)

I don't think the answer is just carry on using the media to objectify the 'beautiful' but do it with men too. Who does that benefit? We should be celebrating and enhancing female sexual freedom not just objectifying men too!

Men have typically ruled the world. They have been the TV producers, directors, news anchors, writers, ad executives. They have said what goes and what doesn't in the media. And as someone said - as a result of that, they've openly displayed women as objects. Women a few years ago got the attention for being objects (now, they do it for advancement).

Women have grown up seeing naked women everywhere. Because of that, men are so used to seeing naked women everywhere.

I've said to my DH that it's an insult to me (and hurtful!) if he looks at another women - be it on the telly or on the beach. I will, very literally, rip his balls off if he disrespects me like that. Or, I will tell him about every famous sportsman I have snogged in my lifetime. And I win.

Oh FFS this is where I always fall out with funsponge feminism. It's not wrong to look at attractive people, whether in the flesh or in pictures. It's not wrong to fantasize about having sex with them, as long as you only actually engage in flirting or having sex with people who are willing. Some people (regardless of gender) are more interested in sex than others and that's fine.

I don't think it's wrong to look at attractive people either ... but if I walk past a building site and see a sexy bloke, I am probably going to be thinking about the times I've been cat-called and felt actually quite upset. That makes me feel a bit less than sexy. It's not because I am, deep down, a prude who doesn't like men or a secret victorian with a shame complex ... it's simply because I've grown up in a world that treats women's bodies differently from men's.

I would imagine that in a non-sexist utopia, we'd all be happily gazing at each other quite a lot of the time. And there would be no issues. The issues aren't in the act of looking at someone's body, they're in all the baggage around it, surely?

Mine comes more from a lack of self esteem to be honest.

I always wonder if he looks longingly as opposed to me looking at another female and going "shew she has a nice figure"

Mine would be kind of a "wow she looks lovely and I wish I could look like that" whereas I wonder what he thinks.

I don't think I would mind if I could look in the mirror and growl and pant at what looks back

Op what do you think of this advert currently being aired in the states

obviously the writer has been washing way too much porn, but is this embracing female sexuality or male?

Another consequence of this is if a woman doesnt fit the mould of what is presented in the media. The things shouted out in the street arent always complimentary. Im a bit overweight and have had nasty comments shouted at me in the street (usually when i walk past a pub or a building site) its a bit better now but thats because ive lost some weight not because the blokes in question have got more polite.
Ive also had the pleasure of a local taxi driver telling me that it was good that i was on a diet and that "women should look after their looks" while sqeezing his beer gut in between the seat and the steering wheel. (this was several years back when id been in the local paper for losing a lot of weight.)
Only once have i had a woman shout at me in the street and that was a stressed "yummy mummy" who took the corner too fast in her 4by 4 and i was already crossing the road so she shouted "move faster you fat cow"
And this is because of the images of "perfect women" we are continually bombarded with but i do also realise that some people are mysogynistic nasty, have no manners and are just fucking rude.