SAHM of boys

[Whirliwig72]

I'm essentially a sahm although I run a small business but on a very pt basis. I have two small boys - the older of which (3 yrs) was overheard the other day saying 'mummies do cooking and cleaning and daddies go to work'. I'm adamant that my boys will not grow up like some men I dated before marriage - expecting their mum / wife to pick up and coddle them 24/7 but am I setting a bad example by not going out to work? The boys don't see their dad doing much domestic stuff as he works horrid hours and I'm more than happy to do the housework since I'm home more.

i've just searched a few of nicole's other posts. think it's best not to feed engage with this one.

HeHe, can I have a dobber? Have I been here longer enough yet? :)

I've only just started looking in the feminism section. Glad Nicole isn't representative!

I think some of it just comes from general conversations - my mum was a SAHM and a staunch feminist, I very much doubt my brother has absorbed the idea that women stay at home and men go out to work, even though that was what he saw and is the model in his own home. In fact he once offered me a job as his labourer (he is a bricklayer) so I think he has got the equality thing sorted!

You can always deliberately challenge preconceptions by ensuring that when your DH is around they do see him doing something from the traditionally feminine end of work at home - this seems an ideal opportunity to politicise the ironing and say it's his feminist duty to do it in order to set a good examples to his boys. He may politicise mowing the lawn in return, of course (and with equally good reason).

' long enough'

Back to the topic... My DP and my Dbro grew up with a SAHM and have very healthy attitudes towards women, so I don't think that being a SAHM is a bad example to set your sons. Saying "mummies do cooking and cleaning and daddies go to work" They are just observing their experience of life so far, as they get older they will observe different roles in different families, and maybe in their own. :)

My ex (and his older brother) were both brought up by a SAHM. The older brother is very thoughtful and educated about feminism presumably because he is very open minded and studied philosophy. The younger brother is a closed minded douche who told me when I was 'late' that there was no way I would be allowed to abort and would be expected to be a SAHM and BF because that's what mothers are supposed to do. Pleased to get THAT period!

If it was not for the older brother educating himself on feminist issues, he would probably be the same as his sibling because their parents and involved grandparents were very traditional and told them that was the way things worked.

I think as long as you speak to them from time to time it should be fine. Maybe some more "deep" conversations as they get older.

OP - maybe your child said that because that is he sees - his mum stays home and his dad goes to work. Not that all people do that, but just that's what he's used to.

For example, my DS (aged 2 years 2 months) points and buses or trains and says, "man drive" it doesn't mean that women can't/don't drive, just that the few times we've been on a bus or a train it happened to be driven by a male.

I don't think that being a SAHM of boys (or girls!) gives them a warped view of women. I myself am a SAHM and hope to raise a well-rounded family by educating them on what is happening in the world around them, in our communities and through putting good role models in their lives.

I am agog at the guff Nicolebaby (think that was the name!) came off with. Talk about falling for the capitalist trap. Am ignoring that totally.

sahm to four boys and one girl here, the rule in our house is we ALL make the mess and we ALL help clear up!

so my boys help, they can now hoover, wash up, cook, tidy, sort laundry etc, i have got them involved in these things from a young age!

my dp works crazy hours as well so yes i do the bulk of the housework but when he is at home he pitches in and cooks, does laundry, hoovers etc.

they are never too young to help even if it is a bit of a pita at times! my 16mth old will help tidy toys or put socks into the sock box when i am sorting laundry, she also messes up my tidy folded piles, but the ideas are there!