SS why do they blame the mother?

[seaofyou]

First time poster on this thread.

How does a mother who reports abuse that her dc discloses to SS (who don't do do anything) so mum reports herself to CPU (as advised by solicitor) and the mother end's up being told by CPU that she has persecutory delusions on the morning they about to do videod interview with dc! 5 minutes after speaking to the SW!!!
I am very angry at Social Services!

Any thoughts? Advice?

I am now refusing to report any more disclosures (month ago) for fear of being accused as having FII!

How did I become the suspect when all I did was report serious abuse to the correct authorities?

I thought their might have been DDA issues their but I am not hot on DD.
Do you know you know what section of DDA I would be looking at jif?

My only worry is would ds disability/identidy/dignity be kept if I went to the press?
Also as I rely on SS for direct payments to help me as a single parent it is tough what ever the circumstance I know but to even do ds therapies I need people to help me....would they then have backlash of removing resources/ trying to pin anything on me ie FII as payback...it does happen when they 'gang up' against the parent who questions their professionalism and conduct! You have good and bad everythere in every profession. People who challenge large institutions are at risk of counter attack or other tactics to shut the person up.

At the moment hence thread I feel very 'at risk' even contacting SS as I have challenged them over this on a 1:1 non complaint procedures way. I had no apology, no acceptance of failing ds.

I will speak to my solicitor about this. She was horrified what happened that day at the Family Unit! She advised me to contact the CI. I did this is when I was told CPS said case could not go ahead (weeks earlier)!?

Also my purpose is for ds to have a 'voice' that sadly he did not have at the time of the abuse due to disability. For that reason alone I feel his presence in society is judged as 'worthless'.

I completely understand how vulnerable you feel, it is really no wonder. Nobody should go through this kind of thing in this country, in 2012. Particularly not your son.

What has happened is that they don't understand who you really are and what has happened to your son. It's too complicated for them and so they want you to just go away. All of these people are public servants and they are employed by you. Serving the public is at the heart of what they do and if it was a little less complicated and resources weren't so tight they would probably be serving you and your son properly. It's obviously too much of a headache for them. The sentence about you having 'grievances' is the thing that they are wary of. They are hoping you will just go away.

Regarding press confidentiality - it is taken very seriously and your identity will be hidden if you request that. However I would use press exposure as a threat if you need to rather than an actual weapon. However on second thoughts think that finding an advocate or an ally might be a better solution now.

If they have an opinion of you that is fixed, that is what needs to change. One thing to help this is if you you write a long statement explaining everything that has happened, very clearly perhaps with a summary of key dates of what was said when. Make sure all the agencies get a copy, and make sure that on the letterhead, you state that each of them are getting that copy. That way they know it's not personal, or that you are getting 'delusions' about one agency or worker.

You could also find yourself an advocate. There are agencies that provide advocacy and that may be useful, if not it would certainly help to have an ally, a friend or family member that can be by your side when you speak to the school etc. As I said, it is their perception of you that needs to change and you will need to do that for them.

Regarding discrimination, when the police told you that the CPS wouldn't take it any further because of his disabilities, that's where they are discriminating.

Please bear in mind that I'm not a professional but a parent of a child with SEN, so run any of this by your solicitor first to make sure you're not creating more problems. The letter you should write anyway, but perhaps get someone to look at it first. Copying the letter is the most important bit - the agencies need to know that you are sharing information about them - it keeps them on their toes.

thank you jif for explaining it all.

I do think getting the professionals ie DI to understand ds condition, and the situation. Would I explain the 'greivences' they meant I had towards ds df? Not only the abuse disclosures but the attacks, accusations to SS, school about me.

It is what the SW said to the DI 5 minutes before ds was to enter the Family Suite for videoing that but a quash on the whole process. This CPS I think is a red herring but they wont admit it....as CI said CPS said 'weeks ago' that not enough evidence for it to go to court.....then why send around DI and arrange Family Suite and most of all ds to be put through it all if CPS said 'no'.

I do need to get them to change their perception as I know one day ds will disclose and this time it will be done correctly and ds not ignored. They need to know I do not have FII/Muchasen Bi Proxy.

But writing to the agencies then might make them think I am gaining attention which is the condition....so I can't win either way! I will have to be extremely careful how I handle the services as they have already stated I am delusional.

I will make an appointment with my solicitor after the holidays and put it to the solicitor. Thank you jif I really appreciate your advice on this as I feel not only lost in it but I am hurting again as it is like an old wound reopened.
I do not know how my ds is feeling....it is hard trying to be counsellor and mum by myself and ds is a bright, sensitive boy and although glad he is talking to me rather than bottling things up (he is just asking how dad gets to UK etc) he still must find it hard talking to mum (because I find it extremely stressful/upsetting and remain pokerface) :(

If it's any help, I don't think you're delusional at all. You have stuck to the issue, haven't popped any hearsay into your arguments. You have probably been gaslighted by your ex, and the services are doing the same to you now - not deliberately, but because they can't be bothered to work it all out.

You have been backed into a corner and it must be very scary. Take care of your boy, be his best ally, and try to get an ally for yourself as well. It makes a huge difference when you turn up to appointments with another person.

Thanks jif....sad thing is wish it was delusional ha! Then I could take a few pills and it would go away! Sadly not!

I never heard of gas lighting until I came here! I think when he used to wait and attack when the teachers left the house and no one in across the road....making me think I was going crazy and putting outside light out that was freaky. The police said it was the bulbs ....on the 2 lights? And I saw a big thumb print in the PIR sensor light when I went to change the bulb (it still never worked with new bulb).

It is finding a witness is hard though jif? I have only had the2 meetings with SS in 4 yrs (first time when ex accused me of abuse....can you believe it!!! Then over ds disclosing abuse by df that SW and DI ? Stopped it going ahead as blaming me! ?or CPS).

Try a search for advocacy uk, you might find an organisation in your area that can support you.

Oh ok thanks jif!

Mind you ds teacher with me when DI said I had persectory delusions, so I have witness for that thankfully. It is just having someone for SS as well they are the experts in FII iykwim saying the mum is psychotic etc when I am not! They are not even qualified to diagnose FII or any other illness!