tethersend
If the issue is the sexualisation of girls due to peer pressure or whatever, why not tell them to remove make-up and wear something more appropriate if they turn up at school looking like Britney? I suppose you've realised that look is intended to be sexual! Britney knows it, the world knows it, but girls do not know it well enough. There's nothing wrong with it in it's place. That place is not in school and it's not among children. Girls should take responsibility for how they appear to the extent they can. To the extent they cannot, they should be regulated by responsible adults because they cannot be relied upon to do it for themselves. It's asking too much of them.
My son has just turned 13. He doesn't want girls to be so focussed on their appearance. He wants them to be themselves. He likes them as themselves. He also wants them to be open, honest, friendly, kind, quirky, funny, silly, rude, irreverent, interesting, sincere, authentic, trustworthy - those sorts of things. He's been watching most of the girls who started out like this change into something else. This is not under his influence - he doesn't like the change and doesn't want the change. He thinks most of the girls don't either, but they submit to pressure from their peers. He tells me they're not being themselves - they are changing under the influence of other girls in order to fit in. He says they think they're being mature, but they are not being mature - they are being like sheep. They are putting on an act, being inauthentic and becoming shallow and superficial. They've become untrustworthy and unreliable as friends, especially to boys. He says they don't have their own minds any more because they dare not be themselves - they care too much about what their female friends think. I believe him because he's smart and doesn't tell lies. He's also got a twin sister who has to walk that narrow line between being loyal to herself or being loyal to her group. If she is not loyal to her group she is liable to be punished. All of this regulation of behaviour and insistence on conformity is something going on between girls and it's all to do with power. That exercise of power is pernicious and should be tackled head-on. It needs to be discussed and challenged.
The 'fact' that girls are behaving cruelly to each other because they are "conditioned by a patriarchal society to complete for male attention from a very young age" is not a 'fact' in the sense in which that word can be properly used. There is too much loaded into the statement for anyone to call it 'factual'. What we can say is that it is not the experience of girls that they are being "conditioned by a patriarchal society to complete for male attention" in any sense that has real meaning for them. Put this to the next 12 year-old girl you meet and see what she makes of it! What has real meaning for her is her own immediate and direct experience. That is the focus of her interest, attention and concern and her focus should be ours. She needs practical help and guidance and alternative models. She needs to be told to focus on her character and not her appearance! She needs to told she's allowed to be herself and to be true to herself and to be strengthened in this conviction. She needs to be told she's allowed to act her age.
Now for adults:
Adults, among other things, are sexual beings. It's one of the privileges of being a grown-up! Grown-ups can handle it. There are various ways adults use their appearance to highlight the fact they are sexual beings. Having identified this to each other, they can then negotiate the terms, and fuck each other silly if they want to. Alternatively, they can just tease the hell out of each other - it's part of the fun. You need to be an adult in order to be in control of this. There are rules, boundaries, ways of keeping yourself safe and ways of making sure you only play the games you want to play with those you want to play them with. There are even power-plays involved - most of which are okay. That's fine! Grown-ups playing grown-up games is fine.
From typically around 11 years old girls begin to develop adult bodies. Obviously, there is considerable variability in their development - one girl of 13 can look 10, while another can look 16. The fact they're developing adult bodies doesn't mean they're ready to function as sexual beings. One way of emphasising this is by dressing modestly and not getting too bound up in how they look otherwise it can cause problems for them. They discover they can attract attention and have power as sexual beings. Part of it has to do with focussing on their appearance - including being too concerned about looking pretty, hot and gorgeous. Girls of my son's age who get involved in all of this are not attractive to him. They are distinctly unattractive to him! Friendships between boys and girls become difficult because a new dynamic is introduced. It's not the boys forcing the pace on this - it's the girls. Adults need to explain this to them. Even if the boys are developing a sexual interest in girls, it's something new to them and something they don't need to project onto their friends. They lose more than they gain because they move from a world they're comfortable with into a world they're uncomfortable with. Sadly, it's also a world where girls lose more than they gain. They should be doing other things, such as concentrating on their school work and having fun with their friends, male and female (kid fun - not adult fun!). They should be being immature because they are immature. I don't think the problem is that boys are not taking sufficient responsibility. Nor do I think the problem is that girls are not taking sufficient responsibility. I think the problem is that adults are not taking sufficient responsibility. They don't realise well enough that they must because children can't.
There have been social changes which mean we are all exposed to more sexual images and there is greater emphasis and value placed on appearance. This reflects a broad cultural change. Certainly children are exposed to this and need some guidance. The main guidance they need is that the images are of adults, not of them.
It seems to me there are two problems which need to kept distinct. One is to do with the objectification of women and, increasingly, the objectification of men. The other is to do with the difference between adults and children. Parents are the main authority for guiding and regulating children up until the point they are ready to enter the world of adults. Too many are copping-out in my opinion, especially with their daughters. They are looking to children to be adults because they don't want to be adults themselves.