Does being a RadFem mean that you can't like anything to do with males and PIV?

[TheFeministsWife]

I would class myself as a Radical Feminist, (but now I'm starting to think I may have been deceiving myself). But after reading this blog post now I'm not so sure.

I'm married and have been for a long time. I like PIV, I love my DH I don't think I'm trauma bonded to him. He's never forced me into sex, or made me feel guilty if I don't want it. I enjoy it, I like the intimacy and also the orgasms of course.

I don't want to ridicule what the blogger has said, (I read a lot of her blog posts and like them) but I'm struggling with this one. Am I fooling myself to think I can be a RadFem and in a happy het relationship? I've commented on the blog a few times (under Angela) but still can't fathom the whole thing. One commenter has said PIV is unnatural. I thought basic biology would prove it was the most natural thing in the world. And another commenter has said things won't be safe until all females live in colonies like we used to.

Fresh perspective? I for one like doing it, because it feels good. That "fresh perspective" is saying that it shouldn't feel good and it's only coercion and lack of information that makes me think it feels good.. That's not a fresh perspective but just a very negative and sad outlook on life and relationships.

It's not saying that at all WW.

It's saying, in a very challenging way, that this is how things are. The writer is throwing out an argument and she knows it will be discussed.

So it's not saying that, but is saying that? Sorry, can't follow your line of argument at all here. Can you elaborate?

You used the word "shouldn't"

That has a different meaning to the word "is".

I can't help it if you don't get linguistic nuances and their implications. I read your post as being similar to the OP's in that you felt the post was saying how you should feel.

Feminist polemic isn't about telling other women what they should feel. It's laying down an idea as a fact so that we can all argue about it and decide how far we agree/ disagree/ what else is related/ what comes out of it.

If you're not interested in participating in the debate because you like PIV and you can't see anything else interesting to discuss, no-one is forcing you to discuss it. Those who are, will carry on shooting the breeze about it as long as they are still interested.

I find the idea that "it doesn't feel good" even more patronising than the idea that "it shouldn't feel good". But then English isn't my first language, so I might get the nuances wrong

Also, I don't see why disagreeing with the ideas on PIV in the originally linked post means not engaging with the debate.

But you're not adding anything to it.

You've made it clear that you like PIV sex and therefore you disagree.

Your point has been noted.

There's nothing really more to elaborate on that, is there?

Finding it patronising, is taking polemic a little personally IMO.

Ah, so the point that it could be patronising is not worth debating in your view? Or the idea that not every woman feels the same for the same reasons? Why is that not adding to the debate?

It's not about whether I personally like a certain sexual practice or not and therefore disagree. But about getting away from the idea that every woman feels the same as part of a homogenous faceless group without any individuality.

You may argue that it's an oversimplification to make a wider point, but even if it's just oversimplification it's getting too far.

I've got no problem with accepting that some women don't like PIV, or some women have all the fears described. I also think that if someone doesn't like it, there's nothing wrong with that. What's wrong is to argue that it is the same for every woman from every social background in every context.

IMO the emotional and physical risk associated with PIV sex makes me closer to my partner. I don't think it is traumatic bonding though. I think it is bloody nice bonding. Always feels good to me. Having said that other types of sex feel great too but I always feels slightly frustrated if it dosn't end with a good old fashioned PIV shag.

Feeling patronised by it is a personal response.

I disagree with the article, but I didn't feel patronised. We will all have our individual responses to it.

I'm not really interested in how it makes me feel, I'm interested in what it makes me think. The article has generated some interesting discussion here, even though most people have broadly not agree with the substance of the article.