What does being an empowered mother mean?

[Horse200]

www.thefword.org.uk/features/2012/01/outlaw_mothers_

What do people think about this article?

Yes the preening about her daughter was ghastly
Obvious inference other dullards can't see wood,for trees for leaves
But her 12yo has achieved high consciousness
Oh take a flying fuck to yourself you braggy mammie

I don't think she's saying it isn't a post war construct, is she? That's part of it - today's middle class maternal ideal... And it's bollocks. Perchance she is rebelling in it a little too much with the smugglers bloggery aspects, but she isn't claiming it to be anything other than pissing her off recently. To take issue with the article because of a historical norm of working class women is to ignore the yummy mummydom that is prevalent in a Starbucks near you....

As the months went on, far more surprisingly, I realised that my daughter needed to be stimulated in ways that I could not do alone. Meeting other mothers for chats was not the way. Quite often the mothers would be having conversations while the babies would fall asleep with boredom because a busy cafe is not a place in which to develop a baby's needs. The mothers' network of meeting in chain coffee stores is overrated.

Er, so why didn't she just do something else with her child then if she's such an amazing "outlaw" mother? It's not rocket science. Get some other kids together and just meet up at home/soft play where they can all crawl around or take them swimming/to the park or something. She doesn't mention the age of the child at this stage, but I think most mums realise that the days of coffees with baby in pram are over once they get to 6 mo max.

Also, is the middle class ideal really SAHM? I'd say probably not these days.I think SAHM's feel more need to justify their choices than WOHM's. Also, SAHM is a valid life choice. Some women want to do it. I don't see the need to piss on it.

She possibly makes some valid points but unfortunately they are somewhat lost under a thick blanket of smug twattery.

When I had ds my anti-natal group were a little bit yummymummy at times. It wasn't for me, although they were a really nice bunch of women I just found that a life of babies, even with shopping, coffee shops etc a bit boring (and too bloody expensive!) So I went back to work (always the plan) where I met many many other working parents (men and women) so never really felt the inclination to feel guilty or out of the ordinary really. I'm not patting myself on the back about my choice, as far as I am concerned it was pretty mainstream. I am surprised that with a 12 year old daughter the writer hasn't picked up on the fact that most women do work and there is nothing particularly 'outlaw' about that.

its legit to challenge her inference that she innovative outlaw. she is frankly bigging up what women have done for centuries eg working

the whole tone of article is ghastly and a big bit vain,.all the other mums were happy to bibbble babble yet she the outlaw wanted and needed more and was maverick enough to seek it out...oh really?

and given the majority of mums work she is out of tempo with reality. no outlaw.no yee ha just getting on with it

I don't disagree. But if the kid in question turned out to be ADHD/ ebd/pick up an asbo or two, instead of prizes for political blogging or whatever, who would society point the finger at? The woman who was 'just getting on with it'. That's all I read into the phrase - someone who is going against the tide of opinion. Yeah, she's got a big fat ego riding on how clever she (thinks she) is as opposed to the ordinaries she looks down on in asda, but she's not wrong about public opinion.

I've lost count of the mummy guilt threads about going back to work on here. Even when it's necessary for financial reasons, there's a nice invisible force that means women have learned and internalized that they are supposed to find it hard and wrestle with the decision.

That's not to say it isn't hard for some people, or to suggest that either sahm or wohm is right or wrong, just that it's absolutely ingrained that raising the babies is mummy's job. And if you make a different decision, you can be held up for criticism if it all goes Pete tong. And there are loads of threads on here about the difficulties of finding mum friends (blee) that talk about something other than nappies or developmental stages. Just because it isn't your reality, doesn't mean it isn't a reality for a lot of people.

Yeah, she's a bit smug. And a bit proud of herself as someone who is attempting to question that child-centred mommy norm. I don't mind that tbh. I'd rather that than her be advocating immersing yourself completely in babydom cos that's your job, wimmin. And I've seen those threads on here as well.

Lol,Mn isn't reflective of RL,esp not working mum threads
In RL in my experience people are less polarized than on mn
I did meet the precious moments mamas at post natal,but that was my first encounter with the wouldnt leave widdle baby in day orphanage mums. Really only on mn do people bang on about biddulph and OJ and stats from shitsville uni because they can google it and so called research is at hand and a link away

Certainly in my experience,and at work women have child and do return to work. No expressions of guilt or angst.at all

I know that many women agonize about going back to work and I agree about the 'mothering is this wonderful thing that all women should love and adore despite it being at times an incredibly hard isolating role' meme. However having made the choice to go to work I find it hard to believe that the writer didn't then discover that there were many many other working mothers most of whom felt perfectly OK about being there (with the few occasional doubts when children were unwell or childcare problems hit).

I do agree with you on the ASBO/genius line, I think it is very arrogant (and somewhat belittling to your children's autonomy) to take on their achievements as your own.

Many women return to work because they have to..it's that simple...if I could be with my children I would in a heart beat but they need food, clothes and roof over their likkle heads..feel guilt for what?..I feel sad because I cannot be there for school shows or open afternoons or school dinner invites or every time they are unwell, tbh I have a very accommodating boss at the moment so it's all very good ...but such is life...they know how much I love them...I tell them all the time and if I can I will be there...

i dont have to work. i chose to work.not compelled

I was compelled...and I still enjoy it...what I hate is people inflicting their own experiences upon other women..ever bloody one of us is different...

i smile at the assumption that i compelled to work,and that given choice id stay home

no siree..well i wouldnt. i had back to work all planned and skipped back happily after months. guilt free

good for you ...I think going back to work gave me back some sanity back tbh...and I was also gulit-free, but my perfect employment would involve me working very little for very much doing something I bloody love...is it bad I would still send my DCs to GPs or who ever would have them during the hols? ...

I did not recognise the stereotypes of mothers in this article.

She mentions MN, but then has the incredible audactity to say British mums don't talk about anything other than domesticity. That alone is breathtaking. You only have to lurk on these very boards for 15 minutes to see women debaing politics, films, books, news items, legal reform, as well as education issues, SN etc.

When she says that meeting up in Costa Coffee is not conducive to stimulating a bay, I had to stop myself from spitting out my coffee. If mums were meeing for 8 hours a day in Costa Coffee, then, yes, we could argue the needs of the child are not coming first. But for many new mums in a fog of hormones, nappies, sleeplessness, parenting manuals, questions about work, an hour and a half in Costa Coffee with their mates is fabulous. And sanity saving. And the little baby who is being stimulated at Baby Yoga and Music and Movement for Tots and lap sit library story times and the rest of it is probably relieved to have a hour's kip in a warm environment. Pkus it makes no sense to say when feminists stay out late and go to the movies, they are empowered and outlaw mothers, bucking the trend of patriarchal expectation but when a mummy in Guildford leaves the laundry basket overflowing and thinks, "sod it, all I need is a coffee and a chat in Starbucks, I will call an NCT pal" she is failing her cild by not stmultating him.

I cold go on, but the bit about her blogging daughter has already been covered by others. Yes, it was boastful without even being stealthy.

Nah, this article does nothng for me. More divisiveness. No thanks.

I hated this piece of smug, pseudo-intellectula crap. She is basically saying working mums good, sahms crap. Same old shshit dressed up different. This is not outlaw mothering, nothing new in it at all, it is just another attack at sahms.

OP
Are you the writer of this piece?

What a load of utterly smug bollocks.

That's what I think of that article.

I am confused about what British mothers talk about.... there is a thread now on aibu where the OP says she hates toddler groups, and lots of posters agree that they have never had a decent conversation there. But: statistically so many women end up being mothers; and so many women are so very interesting to talk to; so mothers are talking about interesting things, all the time.

I posit a. that there is something about the assumed role of "mother" or "mother of small children" which militates against multi faceted conversation in certain contexts, and b. a sneaky trick of perceptive prestidigitation which elides the motherhood of any woman, who at this moment, is saying something interesting.