Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

Nursery's presents from Santa

28 replies

stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 21/12/2011 21:23

The boys all got play dough.

The girls got my little ponies or baby dolls.

Should I say something?

In the grand scheme of things it seems small fry but it still got to me.

OP posts:
Eglu · 21/12/2011 21:25

It would annoy me. There is no reason they couldn't all have play do

LoopyLoopsWoopDeWoops · 21/12/2011 21:27

I would.

DD got a stethoscope. :) She was very happy to tell the doctor that she had one when she (doc) used hers on DD.

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/12/2011 21:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Meglet · 21/12/2011 21:30

It would annoy me. Our nursery give the children the same book (different one for the babies though).

Meglet · 21/12/2011 21:30

(when I say 'our' nursery, I mean the one the dc's attend. I don't work there).

EdithWeston · 21/12/2011 21:31

Say something, but not right now - it'll easily be misconstrued as ungrateful and the real message will be less effective. Save it for the New year at least or, if you except to be at the same nursery next Xmas, say it in November when they will be thinking about doing the pressie shopping and when a well worded intervention might be most easily remembered and acted on.

FWIW the nursery I used usually gave books (split down multi-packs I suspect).

rushofbloodtothefeet · 21/12/2011 21:31

I've got one too. DD in reception. Class teachers gives all the kids a small token gift, out of her own pocket - fair enough. But, all the girls get a spangly bracelet and the boys get a bouncy ball - DD comes home with serious ball envy. Why not a ball for everyone???? Grrrrrrr.

StewieGriffinsMom · 21/12/2011 21:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosy71 · 21/12/2011 21:34

Ds2 was given a pink sparkly book about a pony one year. I did wonder whether everyone had had one or whether he'd been given a "girl's" present by mistake! We have read the book several times though and he's never commented on anything.

AmorYCohetes · 21/12/2011 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wigeon · 21/12/2011 21:37

There was a really long thread recently about some school children at the poster's children's school where the girls got flower presses and the boys got toy cars. Some very thoughtful comments on that thread if you can track it down. Yes it is a problem. Yes I would be very annoyed.

Why would you give different presents to different genders? Why not give all the red-heads one toy and all the children with black hair another toy?

My pre-school gave every child one of a selection of Julia Donaldson books which they got as a job-lot from The Book People (I think it was 10 books for £10). Lovely.

Wigeon · 21/12/2011 21:38

Found the other thread here. Amazing the number of posters (ie any) who thought there was no problem at all and the poster should just shut up and be grateful.

nailak · 21/12/2011 21:57

My dd would be having a tantrum, she loves play dough.

EdithWeston · 21/12/2011 22:37

widgeon thanks for linking that thread - I don't remember seeing it before.

The posts there tend to reinforce what I said about thinking about the timing of the message, to avoid the possibility of diverting the message you mean (avoid stereotyping, whatever the activity) into a different question of individual thoughts on gratitude (for the intention to give was good, even though the execution was poor).

BertieBotts · 21/12/2011 22:42

DS apparently went to a party at a local community cafe with his CM, DP picked him up that day, apparently the CM's DDs got dolls, but DS brought home a massive tractor with lights, sounds and details like an openable bonnet Xmas Confused It really is huge! I don't know what on earth this party thing was.

I remember as a child specifically asking for the boys' mcdonald's toy when there was a selection at least half the time. They were always more fun.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon · 22/12/2011 08:35

Ds's nursery came out with a classic on Friday. Picked him up, complete with his "prize" for winning musical chairs. Upon collecting him, the nursery manager apologised that he'd picked up a Cinderella book, and they did have a boy's book, but he'd been insistent on that book. Hmm

AlwaysWild · 22/12/2011 08:47

It is a problem.

I think a more disturbing analogy would be imagine if the white kids were given one present and the black kids another based on racial stereotyping.

I agree mention it but maybe in the new year as a more general gender stereotyping thing as it would otherwise run the risk of being caught up in too many fraught Xmas emotions.

BertieBotts · 22/12/2011 09:14

Argh the apologising annoys me as well, Dragon! CM is always doing it with DS. When he came back with butterfly facepaint "Oh I'm sorry, I did suggest he might want to be a tiger but he wanted to be like

fannybanjo · 22/12/2011 09:17

I have three girls and only one of them likes gender specific toys. The other two would be really disappointed with a doll, they'd much prefer play doh or a car. However I wouldn't say anything to the nursery.

Riakin · 22/12/2011 15:57

Lol you ladies make me laugh... From the op and everyone agreeing I'd say you are wanting play doh AND ponies. The main question that you really should be asking rather than to satisfy your equal opps crap/excuse to moan is were my kids happy with the present? At the end of the day if you did complain you should just give you present back. The nursery have done this out of the goodness of their hearts/minds and you still find something that you see as anti-feminist. I've read the comments to the various ladies in my office... 'how pathetic' was the response

EdithWeston · 22/12/2011 16:28

Riakin: I think you have missed the point. It is nothing to do with the individual recipient's liking or otherwise of the present.

Perhaps all the boys should have been given sparkly ponies and the girls the play-doh? Or perhaps all the black children given one thing, and all the White children another?

Or perhaps the nursery could live up to the obligations it is under to avoid discrimination, and provide every child with play-doh? Simpler all round, really, (and maybe cheaper, if you can get a bulk buy discount). and does not send a message that it's OK to treat the sexes differently.

Original poster
stuffedauberginexmasdinner · 22/12/2011 20:37

Riakin- to answer your q- my DD was looking longingly at the boys' play doh, so much so that we went and bought her some.

These kind of gender stereotypes are the foundations of why women 'choose' restricted subjects and careers later in life. We then blame them for their 'choices' rather than looking back to rigid stereotyping like this example when they are at the very age when they are figuring out gender identity.

OP posts:
nailak · 22/12/2011 20:47

I.still.don't get why everyone didn't get playdough

AlwaysWild · 22/12/2011 22:23

Riakin I held an online poll through yougov for your post and the response was 'how pathetic'.

RillaBlythe · 23/12/2011 10:56

My 3 yo DD was given a sparkly headband. She has short hair & never wears hair accessories (she says they hurt). The boys got a book.